Went to couples counceling today and H said he doesn't know if marriage is right for him. He said he is a loner and he doesn't know if he wants to be married.<P>I have been asking and he said he wanted our marriage to work and now this? <P>I just don't know where to go from here. I am so hurt and confused.<P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P><BR>

jaded,<P>I suspect it's withdrawal speaking. This is typical behavior from a betrayer who is going through withdrawal. How long has it been since he's seen the OW?<P>I'm sure you remember a time when you were both happy. Ask him if he remembers those times too. <P>--andy

Thanks for the post Andy.<BR>He hasn't talked to her or seen her for a month. He had a very short relationship with her. He said he doesn't even think of her.<P>So do I just continue to try and see where it takes us. Or ask him what he wants to do. He said it all has to do with him. I just don't know. <P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P><BR>

Hey girl! I am so sorry things did not work out the way you wanted them to. I remember some of first counseling sessions were pretty disappointing too. E-mail me if you want to.

Thanks for the post hurt one. Will send you some mail.<P>H's mom is going out of town on sunday for a week and we decided he would stay there while she is gone. No contact with any women. And we will see from there if he has figured anything out. I know we probably should separate, but I didn't know what else to do.<P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P><BR>

jaded,<P>Your husband is still struggling with the fact that he was able to have a relationship outside of his marriage. He probably never ever thought that would happen to him, and it's rocked his world just as surely as it has yours. What he is saying is a self-justification for what he did. "I must be a loner, never meant to be married... otherwise, how could I have an affair like that?!"<P>The only thing you can really do is treat him with love and respect. There's really nothing you can expect from him. Let him know that you want to keep the marriage and commit to making it work the right way. But there is no way you can force him to do anything right now. He must find his own way out of the withdrawal he's feeling (he claims he feels nothing for the OW, but he at least misses the way he <B>felt</B> about her). What you can do is be there to help him get through it.<P>I've said this many times, but I'll say it again. I realize that this whole thing is so unfair for you. After all, you did nothing wrong. He's the one who was unfaithful. But the worst thing to do is love-bust. No demands, no angry outbursts, no disrepectful judgements. It will only drive a deeper wedge between you. <P>--andy

Thanks again Andy,<BR>I am sure I did a fair share of love busting tonight. I said I was sorry...then I told him I love him and I want this to work and if he needs time to think I will let him have that. I told him I want this marriage to work and that he means so much to me. I will give him time to work it out if that is what he needs.<BR>He did tell me he loves me so at least there is one thing<BR>