On a personal note, i still care about her even though im pissed off about everything thats happened but what should i do about her. Let her crash and burn on her own or try to help her out. I've explained the whole thing to a counsoler and a few other people (her mom was one) and they all say it's not going to last and when its all said and done she'll be screwed. My thought was who you think shes going to run back to? Personally theres so much going through my mind at once its hard to imagine ive still got a 4.0.

I know i got to worry about me and my girls but damn. I don't like conflict plus im a bit of an introvert (believe thats the right word) and this road im on (like many other people) SUCKS!!!

Money wise, i dont need anything out of the ordinary. Actually its 100% basic needs day-to-day. He'll id take the bus too school if i could to save. Im trying to get a place that has utilites included so i dont have to deal with multiple things. Simple is nice. only 4 things i really need is food, gas, transportation, and shelter..

Well i talked to a lawyer (yea $2-3k retainer) but he gave me some ideas over the phone and said a few extra things. But im going downtown on wednesday moring and filing a petition in family court so she cant leave. If i let her leave, im screwed court wise. They wont make her move back unless its bad for the girls. But if i file and stop her before she goes she'll have to wait for court to decied her family lives out here, im here, my family. So WAR will begin, can't wait for that phone call about how im such a bad person :|

I read this thread so many times and it finally sunk in, if i dont do something i wouldnt be protecting my girls. fathers protect there kids and i need too! If anyone has anything more to help out, omg please do. And thank you all for what you've done so far (kicking me worked :P)

well, first off, when you get her petition for custody you will have to respond to it. most likely it will list reasons why she should have custody and what days you will have, etc.
when you respond, you make sure you refute every lie she has in there. you can respond without an attorney and if you need to know how, then post here when you get the papers and i can walk you through that. also, you will want to state why YOU should have majority of the custody. in that you will state her affairs (with dates and names if you have them) and that your children have been exposed to these om. you put in how she wants to move in with the om and that you are concerned, ESPECIALLY since there is no legal sep in place, that this is NOT in the girls best interest. you fight her petition with your response and then let the judge decide based on the evidence.

cs will be pretty cut and dry. she will get 25% of your gross minus fica for 2 kids. if you end up with primary custody (which could happen considering she is planning to move in with her affair partner) she would have to pay YOU child support.

start documenting, and getting your life as kid friendly as possible. show a judge that you are father of the year. no dating, no nothing. you need to be father of the year right now. you show them how you are bettering yourself through college, how you tried to fight for you marriage and she walked away for not one but 2 om.

you will be able to do this. and you have a good shot.

mlhb

Ok, imma pull my hair out. She called me last night and she wanted to 'talk' and well she wanted to tell me she wants to move this weekend. I didnt mention anything about the petition but talking to her i really think she doesn' know what she wants we spent 30 minutes talking about the things we did wrong to each other, no yelling or fighting just and actually talk. Like the first one ever this year. :P She said shes only looking for happiness with whats shes doing and she didn't plan and getting with the om but he makes her happy as to were all we do is argue and don't work towards anything. Up and Down, round and round... I don't want a new relationship with her and i have no plans on dating but i don't want her to leave. So, i have im confused now. I gonna go downtown today but it'll probally be to late if she does go this weekend.

Took care of the petition but it's not going to do me any good. She's moving tomorrow into a new apartment 200 miles away with the om. Shes got a new job lined up and he got her a vehicle to drive amoung other things she seems to be typically happy. Lawyer said if she gets established before the court date thats the only way she would have to move back is if the girls were in risk. And as it looks no judge will see any risk in whats happening.

So in 3 wks i lost my love, my life, my wife, and 95% of my time with my kids. Want to define alone? I slept in my car in the schools parking lot and it was cold last night. I've got 2 weeks before we goto court and i get laughed at basically. So anyone got advice for dealing with losing everything? Or how to find hope there might actually be a future or something... probally have to start another post of how to deal with having absolutly nothing.

I got to listen to her talk to the om yesterday on the phone while she was packing the rest of her stuff from storage and not once has she ever sounded like with me. It was 11 months together before we moved in together and they have everything set, i mean apartment payed for utilities turned on, addresses changed, daycare, and everything set up this week alone, 3 weeks together and they've crushed mach speed.

ok, first off, i can't believe she can be allowed to move 200 miles away! wtf? how are you supposed to see your kids? there has got to be a way you can fight that. i have primary custody and i would have to get my exes permission to move outside of the county! basically, i can't move anymore than about an hour away in our agreement. i don't see how she can just up and leave like that. you need a lawyer BAD. Look into legal aide NOW, not when school is done, NOW.

I turn every thing over to God Digits. You asked, I will tell. That is the only way I have gotten through all of this. Because of God I have had a roof over my head, food to eat, bills paid. And I mean that. I have a wonderful church family who has seen me through my hard times.

I know it seems very unfair, trust me. My ex wants for nothing. Moved in with ow, they have 3 cars, redid her entire house, 2 motorcycles, buy what they want when they want it. But ask him to pay for piano lessons for my dd, and he will cry poverty. It does seem very unfair, and it motivates me to work harder.

For yourself, see if you can get assistance paying your heat (HEAP), go to the food pantry for food, etc. There are programs out there. And it is only temporary as you will have a better job once you finish college.

Can any friends or family help you out at all?

mlhb

I'll have to drive half the state to see them, 4 days out of the month. Lawyer told me that if she got established before the court date no judge/court will make her come back unless the children are at risk. Otherwise, like you said, about 1hr in distance or 2 WNY in my case.

I wish i had family left, i burried 16 members of my family several years back all in one year. My father could care less and my mother drank herself into memory loss (10 second tom type from '50 first dates.') In all honesty, right now im totally alone now besides this forum, counseling, school, n work.

I over the past year was trying to get back into a relationship with God, started going to church n actually picked up a bible after 10 years. I dont know what i was hoping for, i think God hates me but i cant pin why

Digits, I can assure you that God does not hate you.
He will never leave or forsake you. This happening to you has nothing to do with God. God allows your wife to have free will and she is utilizing it in a most unhealthy way. He won't "stop her" from making decisions and choices. So, if you think God hates you because of what is going on in your life, that is false. THAT is what Satan wants you to think! Don't allow it. Turn to God and he can offer you comfort and wisdom and hope. If you can find a good church, they can be your comfort. They can be your family. Keep posting here too. Go to your library and check out any books you can find by MAX LUCADO. He is excellent.

I'll tell you what. If I had ever moved my kids 200 miles away my ex would have been all over that. I would think it would be like kidnapping or something. YOU have done nothing wrong. I would tell the judge everything, how she just upped and moved 200 miles away and how are you supposed to see your kids? And just don't think she can do that. Please, look more into that and do not give up on that. Make sure that judge knows she is moving in with her affair partner. THAT is NOT in the best interest of the kids. TELL him you are NOT ok with that!

mlhb

Thank you.

c00per

On what legal authority is she removing the children from the marital home? Can you get an emergency restraining order filed to prevent her from doing so?

If she has as much right to take the children somewhere as you do...then I suggest you take the kids for a week and go visit somebody, somewhere, far away for a week or two...before she tries to take them out of the house.

speak to a father's rights lawyer immediately. DO NOT LET HER TAKE THE KIDS. If you have not moved back home, do so immediately...and DO NOT LET HER TAKE THE KIDS.

Get in front of a judge immediately. Physically go to the courthouse and start pleading your case...someone will help you.

YOU have as much legal right to the kids as she does. If she is planning on leaving tomorrow, take them tonight on a vacation for a week. Do any and EVERYTHING you can do to stop her from leaving with your children. DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN.

DITTO EVERYTHING MEDC JUST SAID!

mlhb

cooper,
I emailed you.

mlhb

Notice the comments in that quote. He does NOT want the kids. He wants to finish school. He has to sacrifice something..so he is going to sacrifice the kids.

He just wants easy access to them. It would be inconvenient to drive 200 miles one way to see them.

I think you all are missing his point.

He's got his priorities and it is school. The kids aren't at the top of this list.

committed

Whatever you have to do, DO NOT LET HER LEAVE WITH THE KIDS.

I made this mistake.

I've spent the last 7 months trying to undo 1 hour of being paralyzed into inaction with fear of losing WW.

WW IT ISN'T WORTH IT... FIGHT NOW, or spend the next year or so kicking yourself for it.

Appeasement is not an option when it comes to your kids.

Take it from a guy who has learned the lesson the hard way.

C&L...yes, I missed that...wow...that is beyond pathetic.

I have addressed this with Digits.
I can see what you all are saying and I can see what he is saying. He wants the degree to make a better life for his kids, i.e., make a better living. I get that. I am finishing my bachelors degree myself for the same reason. I get from his post that was highlighted that he feels caught between a rock and a hard place. I am sure that is why he posted back to me and had asked how I work full time and do school full time and still see my kids. I told him because I am doing it online. Thus, I am doing it from home so I am here with my kids. I advised Digits that since he lives in NY like I do, there was a SUNY college online he could do and do it from home. That way he could have his girls every night if he wanted because he would be doing the schooling from home.

I wouldn't be so quick to bash him for wanting to make a better life for his girls. I think he just needs help to figure out the best way to do things. I think he is thinking of his girls by getting that degree. BUT, there are ways he can get it where he would NOT have to sacrifice time with them. I work full time, am in college full time, and I still bring my son to all of his practices, go to all of his games, make dinner, etc. It can be done without sacrificing time with the kids.

mlhb

In the midst of all the "go get your kids" I thought it important that people know that he doesn't want to go and get the kids. He freely admits that he isn't going to have time for them with school, work, and the such.

He wants visitation with them and if she moves 200 miles away it will be a long drive for him.


I don't see that I guess. He is clear on what he considers important. His paragraph was very clear to me.

Editing to add: He states that he doesn't want to be a "quitter" and for his girls to see that. They are 1 and 3...they aren't seeing much beyond a bottle and dry cheerios right now. He wants to finish school...pure and simple. The kids will get in the way of that right now.

committed

For God's sakes, man, get your kids and go away with them somewhere. Take them to a hotel. Something!

You want your kids to be exposed to someone you know nothing about because your crazy wife has decided she has found the love of her life?

What's wrong with you?!

Get the kids. Forget school and work! Go to a shelter! Go to a friend's house!

Go to a church!

Find somewhere to take your girls!

Geez! Look at the news! Young girl beaten by a boyfriend with a video game controller!

Boyfriend kills a girl and stuffs her body into a storage container found by fishermen a few weeks later.

Man caught on video raping a 3 year old girl while living with another woman who thought nothing was wrong with him!

PROTECT YOUR GIRLS! BE A FATHER! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE OTHER STUFF!

Watch the movie "The Pursuit of Happiness" with Will Smith. It's better for you to take your girls and live in a subway bathroom than to expose them to the craziness and danger your W is doing.

Get a new apartment and move them in.

Go sell blood. Sell your car. Use a credit card.

DO SOMETHING!

You can't kidnap your children when you're married. You're making the biggest and most common mistakes men make in custody situations. They move out of the house and assume that they will lose custody anyways. They let the woman move away with the kids and do nothing and regret it later.

For God's sake, don't let this happen!

Go lock yourself in a bedroom with them, call the police and tell them what she is threatening to do. Request an emergency motion in court!

There are websites that will give you advice as a father if you have to represent yourself!

There's seminars for father's representing themselves!

I know a man who represented himself and has custody of both of his children from two separate women!

Don't make the mistake of appeasing and being passive. YOU MUST ACT NOW!