hi again. my husband and i never had the church ceremony and party reception since we were married by a minister in my husband's fraternity...btw, i have an issue with that i will post about too...so we want to have the shinding for our 5 year recommital ceremony in 2011. obviously that is a few years from now but jokingly i say to myself, if we make it that far, the $$$ wedding is worth it! (i had a friend that spent $50K and got a divorce a year later)...but i am not being cynical, i have a lot of faith in my marriage and my husband and i are working diligently to make things work and keep the love kindling BEFORE stuff gets crazy. can anyone offer suggestions about what they did for their recommital ceremony/reception? what is appropriate? do we have our new pastor perform an actual ceremony again?...ps-i want to wear the dress and have the wedding party and all that! please let me know what your ideas and suggestions are.

Personally, I think the way to go is to just have a big anniversary party. Host a lovely dinner for friends or throw a big party in your backyard. Having a fake wedding almost seems like you are pointing out a big irritation with your marriage rather than celebrating the success of your marriage so far. Don't fall for all the marketing that goes into selling us on big commercial weddings and make yourself feel like you are missing out. You have a great marriage and that is better than any $50K wedding.

Next month is my 20th anniversary and for years I have pictured myself celebrating the day on a hilltop close to our home, with our children, repeating our vows with our minister, but thanks to H's A, that's not going to happen this year. I would never have married him initially if he'd had another relationship while we were engaged so in good conscience I can't remarry him now.

But.......my grandparents had a large party on their 50th anniv. and with over 100 family members and friends, they renewed their vows. It was very touching and my grandmother was so beautiful.

Excellent question! My H wants to do the same for our 10th this year. Fresh start, new beginning, etc. Something we had planned to do from the time of our first wedding. I have mixed feelings. so much of our past seems like a lie. Is that something to celebrate. Also not sure if I could make it through the ceremony without a breakdown.Even weddings on TV are a trigger for me. I waver between keeping our current rings and replacing them, so I'm not sure what we'd do with that either. There's a great thread on triggers that's active now if that's something that affects your decision.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2040452#Post2040452

Keep us posted. I'd love to know your thoughts on the subject of a recommital ceremony and the factors you're considering on both sides.

Wadeallie,
Guess I should pay more attention to the names. saw you've been active on triggers.
You'll be in my prayers

Well, my in-laws did the retaking of their vows on their 25th anniversary. They dressed up, but not in a wedding gown/tux. Their adult daughers stood with them. They had the pastor of the church they were attending perform the ceremony. They had a nice DVD slide-show of snapshots from their life together with a sappy love song playing under it (I don't remember which song).

It was a nice ceremony.

If I recall correctly, they had a reception afterwards for family and friends.

My FWW and I are attending a Community Marriage Builders conference in a few weeks that includes a recommittal ceremony.

I have thought about this. In the beginning of recovery, I told my FWH that I needed him to ask me to marry him again when he felt like he could do it and mean it, because I HAD meant it when I did it. I'm not going to push the idea. I need him to need it or it doesn't matter.

I think if we did it though, it would be small...family, maybe a couple of very close friends...not so much a celebration of the past twelve years, but a commitment before friends, family, and God to the future of our lives together.

I do want to do this, but I want it to be meaningful for both of us. FWH may not need to do it again to feel the commitment.