I'm shaking, and heading out to go walk and tan.

Yes, truly an unfortunate side effect. But, I love the H and just have to find the strength, endurance and stamina to keep fighting. BY LETTING GO and LETTING G-d. I know I have done all I can, now I just have to wait and work on myself. And that's the hardest part of all, taking care of myself.

I'm sorry, did Dr. Seuss drop in here?

I LOVE YOU, MIMI..

Too many NOTS for this cried out brain.

I am Queenie and this girl is working so hard to just recover herself. I really am working so hard. And I will find the strength, positive attitude, FAITH and keep moving along.

And leave G-d to my H and stay out of it. I still have a lot to learn about myself and what I am capable of. Don't I. Darn it all. Why do I get to be such a mystery as well.

LMAO..

If not, we can write a book and put it in a fund to send me on a LONG CRUISE to warmth.

Who's in?

As long as I can go with you, I'm in! It's sposta warm up here in the NE this week, and I am sooo ready.

Go get yourself some of that fake sun, Queenie; you'll feel better. Exercise does the body good, too.

SL, I'm still laughing. Thank you so much for sticking here with me.

And Miss Mimi, for slapping me around and getting me out of the toilet.

On 2nd thought, I am going to relax, take a nice warm bath, listen to some soft music and be grateful for all the people on here, pray for Not to have her recovery and thank G-d that I am lucky enough to love my H.

And be receptive to what G-d needs me to do for him. Not for me. And stop feeling sorry for myself. It could be so much worse than this. RIGHT?

HA! You didn't really think I'd sit by and watch you go down this path again did you.

You yes YOU said this about 80 pages ago and you are still strugling to beleive it. We all do so what's your excuse?

Be careful with your Son. It took me almost a year before I started smoking pot after my dad left. He doesn't sound like a talker so it might be tough to get it out of him but do what you can to get him to express his pain and sorrow.

Now I pray...for you, your son, and all my friends here on MB.

I've been reading along and praying for you. Last night I thought about you as I went to bed. I was trying to think of good ways to sleep through the night, but I fell asleep before I could think of any!

Hang in there, Queenie, and don't give up a day before the miracle.

Because when everything is said and done, I can't forgive myself for the mistakes and things I did to create this in my M. I'm working on this, I can promise you. In fact G-d and I had a very long talk about this very subject.

I wondered where you were. I miss you so much. I'm so happy for you, but I miss you so much.

YS and I just had quite a talk. He told me that he just simply has given up and doesn't care. He misses his dad. I told him that the best way we can carry on is to build a happy life and let G-d take care of dad and hopefully bring him home one day. I told him that I loved him more than I can every express, but that his job in life is to bring those grades up immediately. For the first time, he was so honest about wanting his dad to come home. I'm so proud of him for saying it. I can't fix it, just honor his feelings. Oh, I also mentioned that I absolutely stand that for HIM B's or no keys. And he wants to drive. I forgot that he was so close to driving.

I welcome your prayers tonight and thank you sir for your friendship and am so glad that life is going well for you at least I pray it is.

Oh thanks Believer, I'm so grateful to see you.

I won't give up a day before the miracle. I won't.

I'm so glad you were able to sleep.

I can certainly tell you I won't take a good night's sleep for granted when it finally comes. I will welcome it as a true blessing in life.

Dr. Seuss is still in the house...

LOL.."Bs or No Keys"...

Actually it's B's for Keys.... I just modified it for him.

He got the message loud and hard. Ah yes, those leverages of driving. This is a gift from G-d. His timing is perfect. My son knows not to push me on this one. I am one grateful woman to G-d right now.

[quote=QueeniesNewLife]Because when everything is said and done, I can't forgive myself for the mistakes and things I did to create this in my M.
[quote]

You'll stay stuck until you do forgive yourself Queenie. It's not like you can go bck and change it so it dosen't serve you to dwell on it. You made mistakes just like I, Mimi, beleiver, not, Mark, W2S... need I go on. Missing him is one thing, blaming yourself is just wrong and completly unproductive.

So this brings me to the following.....

Tell me 5 things you like about yourself?

You learn very well sir.

5 things I like about myself.

1. My capacity to love someone.
2. My commitment to G-d and becoming who he has always designed for me.
3. My tan. :), the fact that I have lost 87 lbs.
4. My ability in learning how to let go and let G-d. Albeit slow, but remember I was completely prepared to lose the season tickets to the Redskins. That was almost as powerful as G-d parting the Red Sea.
5. My tenacity, and even when I want to quit, I won't allow myself to push that final button, because as bad as the chips are, I really TRUST G-d more than anyone else in this world. He loves me and knows me and wants what is best for me. How can I give up on that.

{{{{{{{{{{TMTS}}}}}}}} I really hope you know how special you are to me. Thank you sir....

See you're just fine. You have your little moments now and then but deep down you're a rock. I'm glad I can be there for you.

Don't forget, even if I don't post as much, I'm always lurking keeping an eye on you, not and serenity. (I wish I knew what happened to DM though). So always be ready for these little insta pick me ups.

(((((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))))

Oh, good job with your son. These little tlaks that let him open up will really help.

I need you to keep lurking on us. It keeps us honest, doesn't it. Yeah, I wonder about DM too.

Now go crawl into bed with your beautiful wife and hug her tightly to you.

I would if I could... My H that is. LOL

I have amazing children. I just have to remind them of it and keep them honest.

(((((Queenie)))))

how about crawling into bed yourself???? How you doing honey???

I caught up on most of your thread, I know this is a hard day for you, I am so sorry. You are doing wonderfully well.

It's funny you say that you beat yourself up over what you did wrong in your M, my WS complains that I don't take enough of the blame....

In some ways he is right, but then I have seen all of those things and am not happy with myself regarding all of that.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. I did not sleep well last night either,,,,,had too much on my mind...

I catch you tomorrow...sweet dreams love....

not2fun

Hi Not,

It's too early for me to fall asleep. I won't sleep the whole night. I'll try in a little while. I did take a bath and calmed myself down.

It's been a long day.

You sleep well and have sweet dreams yourself.

Will talk tomorrow.

{{{{{{{{{NOT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Queenie!!! (JT waving from under a pile of WASL stuff) I know you understand what THAT is like...

I've been popping in to check on you but haven't had much time to post. Funny how quickly my spring break filled up. I had to be up at Western Tues, Wed and Thurs nights. Classes are on W/Th but we had an internship meeting. This week-end I went to an Abundant Life Retreat at Fort Flagler near Port Townsend. Beautiful weather, the sun coming up over the Cascades with Mt Rainer in the south and Mt Baker in the North. Except I was completely turned around! I'm used to having the sun go down over the water, not come up over it.

We spend several hours on Sat. just being silent with God, listening to what He had to say to us. It was a very intense week-end, working through some of the deeper stuff of all this.

Tonight, two of my kids presented their projects to the school board. These are the "alternative" kids. They did amazing!

I think you are doing great with your YS. It is hard for kids to concentrate when their families have problems. (That's the story for a majority of my students). I'm surprised my YS didn't fail ALL of last year. (He didn't pass everything, but considering all that was going on, he did pretty well). I like the "B's or no keys". It's motivating for him and there's a really great reward at the end-a driver's license.

Hang in there!

ISA 54:2 "Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.

ISA 54:3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

ISA 54:4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

ISA 54:5 For your Maker is your husband--
the LORD Almighty is his name--
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the G-d of all the earth.

ISA 54:6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit--
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your G-d.

When you have THE MAN on your side, you'll be ok.