My wife and I have been maaried for three years. We married very quickly and did not take the time to prepare ouselves for the jouney. We had very different opinions on sex. Important to me not so much to her. I failed to make her understand where sex was on my list. I made some mentions to her about what I wanted but I failed to comminucate effectively. I felt that she did not care about my needs so I made the mistake and stepped outside of my marriage. More out of frustration and ignorance than anything else. I ended the affair on my own but she found out through my diary. We made it through that time but we never really addressed the issue and continued on. What happened was she began to police me unbeknown to me. When she discovered anything I was quilty before I said a word. We had two confrontations over this after my affair. One was recently involving a lady that I met and talked to very briefly and discontinued communication with to avoid this situation.

Unfortunately, she had reached her wits end and she wants some space to get her mind clear. I have tried everything to show her that I would like to really focus on our issues so that we can be happy. She's been planning to move out for four months but we are still living together. We don't sleep together and there is no affection between us. What I dont understand is that we still cook for each other, we go out, we watch movies together but she refuses to try any options to work on our marriage.

I have just recently found this website and I have read many articles here. I love the hope and the inspiration that comes from the discussions. I guess i'm just looking for some insight. I'm having a hard time letting go and I can't concentrate at work because I feel like i'm out of balance. I keep trying to talk to her but I know i'm making things worse. I just not sure what to do. I appreciate any feedback. Thanks.

My wife and I were seperated for a month last summer. The first couple weeks were awful and I felt like it was the end of the world. I bugged her with emails and text messaging. It drove her away from me. I stopped doing all of that and she called me and told me thanks for leaving her alone. It gave her time to think and she was missing me, and I went back home a week later at the time.

That could be a big part of the problem. When issues don't get addressed sufficiently they tend to keep popping back up over and over again. Have you tried counseling to address the issue?



Actually, from what I understand from reading the infidelity forums this is part of the healing process. The wayward spouse(WS) must be totally transparent and the betrayed spouse (BS) has the right to check up on the WS for a long as they need to in order to regain trust. Makes sense to me. How is she to know that you won't do it again? Personally, if my husband cheated and then I discovered he was communicating with a woman I would be very suspicious and upset. Who won't be?

I would give her the space she needs to heal but also ask her to join you in counseling. Even if she won't go to marriage counseling with you - go by yourself. Good luck.

Thank you for your response. I have had time to bring my thoughts together and realize that she does need the space so do I. The hard part is watching her move. The funny part is that she is moving three houses down from me on the same block. We will still be sharing some financial responsibilities. Rent, Cell phones etc.
Seems as though we are just living in different rooms. I have at this point a much better understanding of what I want from myself and her. I'm looking forward to starting over and building the foundation that we failed to establish when we married. I am fortunate that I have her family's support in my efforts.

The only thing that bothers me is that she has a male friend that she talks to quite a bit. Whether there is anything more than a friendship taking place I cannot confirm. I don't feel at liberty to mention my feelings towards that situation because of what we are going through. I do also recognize that my feelings could be clouding logical judgement. I almost feel as if this experience is necessary because how I feel now is how I made her feel with my female friends. I'm still not sure of the future but I am hopeful that our seperation will make us better friends.