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#2042736 04/15/08 08:49 PM
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dbs Offline OP
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No silly, not the wife. The cat. Shortly after waw moved out last aug her dog got sick and the w called me in a frantic so I stayed 2 nights with her reviving the dog. Then the cat got sick and the vet went to clean it's ears and got so far into them that it destroyed the cat's hearing, lack of balance etc... It has never recovered.

But hey, while you are here perusing the thread...after 3 months of great contact, 1 month of indecision, and the last 4 months of nc due to a po filed by my wife, she is removing the po so that we can attend joint family functions the next 2 months and we have put the D on hold.

This may be my last chance to show her some 180's and a more attractive me.

How about a list of do's and dont's? Thx!

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Oh......................ok. It just sounded like a plan for a minute. Yeah, Yeah, I know you were kidding....................

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dbs Offline OP
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Why did I know there would be some guys that took the bait?

See-You did laugh. If even it was for just a second. Now perish the thought!

This life is waay short compared to the next one. You get what you give, and since I only want good stuff in both life's, I'm gonna give good stuff. No matter if she bankrupt's us or not.

There is something wonderful about letting go of the anger. If not, it will destroy you. I am watching it destroy a person I am pretty fond of, and it is not a pretty site.

Life is too short on this side to be that miserable.

Last edited by dbs; 04/16/08 12:39 AM.
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Yeah

I read about it all the time, this "letting go". I read about Bigfoot too.

The only part that makes me feel 'better" or maybe it makes me feel "worse" is that so many guys AND gals are going through SO MUCH MORE than me. ANd while Yes, I admit that in SOME cases, the WS was a loser and just a plain ole crappy spouse, in MANY cases the WS was guilty of nothing more than trust. These are the cases where anger seems to be the only LOGICAL reaction.

I realize that the BEST reaction would be INTITIAL anger and then a slow recovery and finished with a bunch of forgiveness, but, in my hearts of hearts I sense a small "pilot light" of anger and resentment are ALWAYS present. And maybe its kind or a "guard" a reminder that UNCONDITIONAL love, AGAPE love, is something that, if it exists at all, is very very rare and HAS to be treasured above everything else. Those that GIVE it or RECIEVE it, in my book, have a first class ticket reservation to heaven on EARTH as well as heaven in the future.

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dbs Offline OP
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Oh I'm not saying it is easy, or that everyone should be on the same time line. I think sooner is better than later, but we are all different.

I do not claim to be blessed with alot of natural gifts. Patience for one has never been my long suite. I am having to learn it gradually. For whatever reason forgiveness has come easily to me. Even after the ea's and the pa. Not that I don't read self help books and think my wife could certainly benefit by them, but every time I have tried to "help" her see anything I think is valuble it has a way of backfiring.

I can only change me and lead by example. If she does not want to follow, there will eventually be someone that does, without the complaining.

My W is really a great person at heart. I have not done everything right, and she has had alot of baggage in life to deal with that I never have. It does'nt take away her responsibility to do better, but it helps me understand why she does and does'nt do things.

Last edited by dbs; 04/16/08 11:19 AM.

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