I am wondering how many others want to know if they are in the presence of one of their spouses former lovers? I mean, if you are out somewhere and run across someone she has had sex with, would you want to know it at some point? I mean in a discreet way?

I have had it happen and had them introduced as an old friend only later to find out that it was actually someone she had slept with. I felt betrayed.

Do you think I am whacko?

Did your wife reveal her sexual history before you married? Were you okay with it?

Personally, I wouldn't care to meet any old partners and don't expect to.

I think I would tell her I'm not interested in being introduced to any of them. (hoping there weren't a lot of them)

I agree with believer that I wouldn't care to meet them. But if for some strange reason we were to run into one, I think I know the names of most of the girls he slept with (there aren't many). I might not remember them and would expect him to tell me discretely either before or after the meeting what their relationship was.

It's his past before me. I'm ok with that. It's the one he slept with DURING our marriage that I have trouble with.

There is always the chance that we might bump into one of my past lovers. I have never asked, but I think I would probably let DH know who he just met.

The situation is that no I was not ok with all of her past - because she would not share it. Therefore, I asked that if we were ever in the same room with guys from the past that she had been with - I wanted to know it. I did not want to be in a situation where guys were present that knew things I did not and not know it.

I am not saying I WANTed to meet them. I am just saying that I want to know when the situation occured. Because we lived in the same town and some of the guys were family friends or whatever - I just wanted to know if we were around them.

I am asking because she thinks this is a very unusual request.

IMO I would want to know also. I wouldn't be upset but I would expect him to tell me and vis versa. I actually had this happen at my 10 year high school reunion. At that time DH and I were married for 4 years and had 2 children. We sat down at a table with some of my old friends when a couple came to the table. The husband was my first serious boyfriend (no sex). I had told DH about him when we discussed our past relationships. There were a lot of conversations going on at the table so I didn't say anything right away to my husband. When I had a chance I told DH who he was. DH was fine with everything and appreciated the heads up. It was more imbarrasing for me because the guy is a nut job! DH was teasing me about it. I said "I don't think he was like that back in 10th grade." But then after thinking about it he was. AHHH yes, young love is blind.

Yeah, I'd want to know.

No, it's not an odd request in my opinion.

Thanks. I am just trying to figure me out really.

She had told me that there were some things in the past that she could not tell me about. I did not force her to tell me. However, I asked her to tell me if we were ever in the presence of the guys she had had sex with to let me know.

I just ticks me off to think that I am standing there talking to a guy that knows such intimate things about my wife that i don't.

I sort of feel like that is very normal.


Thanks

That would drive me nuts...knowing there's something so "bad" that she can't even tell her own husband!

I could maybe understand if it involved abuse of some sort.

Maybe it wasn't so much "what" she did, but "who" it was with. Like a current, mutual friend.

Sorry, I don't mean to make you paranoid, but IMO there shouldn't be secrets like that between a husband and wife.

Well, I know now what it was. It was an abortion. I fully understand now why she did not want to tell me - but the years of wondering what it was - was not good for me.