For those of you who have followed my past - my 32 yr. old husband is having a midlife crisis. He has "checked out" of the marriage. He told me he wants to go through a divorce at the therapist's office tonight. I shouldn't feel surprised by this but this is such a kick in the gut. The therapist told me I did everything I needed to do to improve our situation. She said my husband is emotionally impaired. He doesn't know how to love, how to be compassionate, how to care.

Oh my god. I feel so alone. My family lives out of state. I just spent three weeks there to give him his space. This has been going on for so long. The therapist asked what he did to improve the sitation and he couldn't answer.

Please help me. I tried last summer to set up a counseling session with Dr. Harvey's son, but my appointment kept getting bumped. Please help us. My husband's thinking is skewed. I just want to save my marriage. This is not what I wanted.

I'm so sorry you're here.

The sad thing is sometimes the only way to save the marriage would be to become someone you're not.

Is your counselor good and very experienced? Saying that your husband is incapable of love is a very strong statement, one that many therapists would back away from. That doesn't mean she's wrong. If she's right, you'd be beating your head against a wall to try to create a marriage with this man. You'd end up feeling as if you failed, when really the problem is with him.

So, how definite is your husband about the divorce? If he's more than 50/50 on it, you need to find a lawyer. A lot of what happens when a spouse files for divorce, or leaves or whatever, depends on your state. A lawyer can give you information and answers. That helps with some of the stress. Plus, when you're really upset, you don't want to be making decisions.

Do you have some friends where you live? Some people have found DivorceCare to be helpful. That's a support group for those going through divorce. That may be helpful even if he doesn't file.

Also, if worse comes to worse, and you do get divorced, know that the pain does go away. There's always some scar tissue, even if you're the one who filed, but the raw hurt goes away, and joy comes back into your life.