I'm setting myself up a place to whine here. It's looks like I may be doing quite a bit of it for a while.

Relevent Information

The basics of my story are thus:

5 years ago:
xWW has an affair with a co-worker, I LB her right out of the house.
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I discover MB shortly after, apply palm to face.

4 years ago:
File for D in attempt to protect children from sleazy OM1
only patially successful, xWW has legal custody, I have physical custody 5 days a week.
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xWW becomes pregnant before D is final.
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xWW and OM1 marry as soon a is legal (In TX to avoid blood tests and waiting period in OK)
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xWW discovers OM1 is an alcoholic and has been for years, only notices now as the honeymoon period fades. This problem only gets worse

3 years ago:
Baby born, immediately goes to surgery for hernia at belly button.
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tension mounts in fantasyland
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OM1 arrested for driving without license
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more tension
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The happy couple starts to get get behind on their bills

2 years ago:
xWW develops horrible pain in her "personal area"
As the only person in her world she actually trusts I am present holding her hand as she is informed her OM1/Hubby has given her "the gift that keeps on giving"... my other hand is in front of face as I snicker behind it... yeah, I'm horrible.
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Warrants go out for OM1/Hubby for bad debts and a failure to appear.

1 year ago:
xWW takes a third shift position for more pay, a position opposite the first shift her OM1/Hubby works on. She now makes more money than he does.
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OM1/Hubby arrested again, xWW finds an apartment shortly after and makes attempt to move out. OM/Hubby talks her out of it or she simply chickens out because she has never been on her own in her life... not sure which, could be both.

2 Months ago:
OM1/Hubby hits xWW about the head several times with his closed fist leaving bruises and lumps around her forehead and side of her face.
I pick her and children up, file a report, OM1/Hubby is arrested for domestic abuse.
I put her up in a hotel room for the weekend. We reach an agreement where I put her up in my guest room for 6 months and she agrees to leave my 2 biological daughters in my custody when she has saved up enough money to... wait for it... move 1200 miles away to be with... OM2! Her internet boyfriend she met while playing an online video game 6 months ago, and became "romantic" with 3 months ago.

Phew.

So,.... 2 months and she's driving me crazy. I'm creating this thread so that I may vent in a safe place where hopefully someone with more sense will 2x4 me if I do or say anything(else) really stoopid.

P.S.

Argh.

P.P.S.

This one is more about the legal side of it.

Huh?

NC with ex-W sounds like a good idea no?

Yes!

Sooner rather than later, but I'm still working on getting legal custody of our daughters, 6 and 8 from her.

I shudder to think what they might turn out like to be raised by her.

I'd sooner be dragged behind wild horses by my testicles.

I shoulda named the thread, "The Circle of Crazy is Complete!"

xWW agreed to sign papers. I've found the relevant paperwork available online for a small fee but I'll be waiting until I can retain the local pitbull lawyer before I move on that sometime in August.

She's started mentioning wanting to stay until next Feb. instead of Aug. like we had originally talked about. I've just let these hints slide for now. If I can get the custody papers signed in August I will ask her to leave.

Just getting this down so I don't forget the plan.

As many times as she's changed her plans and changed her mind already .... I don't think it's a great idea to wait until August. I'd suggest getting papers signed the second she's willing to sign them, because come August, she'll have probably changed her mind again. I think she's just saying whatever it takes to appease you so she can get what she wants.

Your strength right now comes from her WANTING to leave and WANTING to be with the OM, and being willing to give up her kids to do it. If you wait until August and she changes her mind, or the OM changes his .... then she won't be so interested in leaving, and you will have lost your position. Don't wait until August, get something signed now, while she's wiling to sign.

I just don't want get the canned documents and have them not upheld at a later date because I didn't dot the Is and cross the Ts.

I supposed I can have her sign docs now and get the lawyer to review them when I can afford that.

Your ex sounds like a piece of work.

I can't help but chuckle at the Karma bus.

But she's now willing to go into disaster number 3.

Have you told her that running off to be with some stranger and leaving her daughters is a very selfish thing to do and that the girls need her to be a mother and not run off to meet internet boys she fell in love with on World of Warcraft?

She sounds like she needs psychological help.

I hope you get your kids. They're better off with you than with her crazyness.

You're kind to let her stay in your place.

I would help my ex in a similar situation when there's abuse like that, but she has her folks nearby that can help her as well.

Argh, more stress!... but prolly my fault.

I woke up with a terrible head-ache this morning and was unfortunately out of medicine, but I happened to know there is a economy size bottle of Advil in xWW's desk drawer. So before I head off to work, I tiptoe into the room (door was open, and always is except when she's changing clothes, my presence usually isn't an issue and if the door is shut i knock) and on my way to the desk I spot something odd peeking out from under a pillow on her bed. Curious, i reach for it, and find my self standing in my xWW's room with her Battery Operated Boyfriend in my hand... just as her eyes open.

So... I'm in the dog house with her... and what's worse, I forgot the Advil.



I wonder how long it will be before she accepts an apology.

I think she's dis-proportionately angry about all this...

I'm off to find head-ache pills.

This put a smile on my face, Cipher, when I needed it this morning, thanks.

I'm sorry you are in the dog house, but this is just something out of a sitcom or something! And the way you tell the story is pretty funny too.

Sounds like you are better off without your WW anyways, so I wouldn't worry too much about that doghouse... but find yourself some advil!

TT

Does she know you were in there for headache pills?

Her "friend" isn't of much use to you for curing headaches.

She needs to temper that anger. It's your house and you're doing her a favor.

I'd simply wake her up from now on just so she knows you're not in there to invade her privacy.

Yes, it is a funny situation. If she loses it, just laugh. I hope she eventually sees how funny the situation is and just chills.

First... ewwwwwww. But how funny. Her dis-proportionate anger is probably to cover her embarrassment. You should have started singing... "Ain't nothin' like the real thing ba-by... ain't nothin' like the reaaaal thing..." and danced your way out of the room.

OK, that is WAY funny!

My WW now has one of these too...does that mean she's no longer getting it from OM??

Not MY headaches anyway...
Oh, we already had a come to jesus moment. I sat her down and chewed her up one side and down the other, mostly about her selfish behaviour; playing too much WOW (yes it is as you mentioned earlier World of Warcraft where she met the new soul mate... she's 33... he's 30... they both work with groceries, her in a Wal-Mart, him in a gas station... it was meant to be I tell ya, sure fire can't miss love forever... tell me if I'm laying it on too thick...), not spending time with her children, not helping out around the house, etc. I thought I might have gone too far as I was pretty harsh, but she's actually become a much nicer person to be around since then. It's only been 3 weeks, but hopefully it sticks.

In this case I think she's just covering up her embarrassment.

cipher, a little OT, but may I suggest that you subscribe to a newsletter called Daughters? It's the most amazing newsletter I've ever read, and it has solved dozens of potential problems with my daughter. I think that it might come in handy when you get full custody; they're going to have plenty of angst when their mom's out of the picture - moms are supposed to be the ones with unconditional love, so if your own mother doesn't want you...

Anyway, it's run by a man, I think, and it always has sections about dads and their daughters, the special problems that they have together. And the website offers even more, including a forum for dads. Please go to www.daughters.com and see if you can't benefit from getting the newsletter. I've been sitting down with D17 and reading it together for years, which lets us talk about all the important issues productively, and it's just been a lifesaver.

Thanks for the heads up, Catperson!

At 6 and 8, my daughters are still pretty simple creatures and daddie's girls to boot, so I'm not feeling to lost there. I'm sure in a couple of years I'll be looking around for Female Puberty for Dummy Dads though.

I'm not too worried about the girls feeling abandoned... right now anyway. In the last 4 years, we've been through the "why doesn't mommy live with us anymore?" stages and I've had always more time with them than their mother, especially the first year when I had them almost exclusively. Also, I never left the house they came when they were born, while their mother has moved 4 times in 4 years. So it was always more like they lived with me and visited they're mother.

What worries me is what happens when they get older and they really start to understand what went on and what kind of person they're mother is/was.

I hear you cipher. My DD5 is the most precious thing in the world to me along with her brothers. There is a certain protectiveness that's there with a little girl, however.

I could see Papa Bear wanting to protect his cubs.

I also understand the concerns you say about "Why does mommy?" type of questions.

This weekend my DD5 told me that she wished we all still lived together.

Of course, I simply bit my tongue and said nothing other than, "you have a home here too".

I checked that daughter website out too and it seems to cover all the bases when it comes to little girls growing up.

I don't know if you play video games with your daughter, but there's some good ones to play with your kids and they are very cheap. Let me know if that's something you're interested in and I can offer some suggestions.

made the woman mad again yesterday...

I went to ask her if she had any input about dinner. She was playing her game with flavor-of-the-week and they were using the voice chat feature, and it turns out that mr. dream boat, gas station/grocery store clerk, lives with his parents, all in his mid 30s... speaks with lisp... also he informed her that is cell phone is down because he didn't pay the bill and can't afford to...

I covered my mouth with my hand so as not to laugh out loud but she caught the gesture. She told me to shut up. I left the room with my hand still over my mouth, but I'm still in trouble. Apparently for not saying anything at all. I just can't win.

I sincerely hope this guy doesn't screw this up before she gets out there. They also had their first argument this weekend. Or near argument. I know she's a conflict avoider. Seems he is too. Maybe between the two of them they can avoid their way to happiness ::snickers::

On the upside, before all that I took the kids to the state aquarium Saturday. Hers, mine, ours... all girls. I think I learned the lyrics to every Hannah Montana song ever on the road. Or perhaps it was the same song over and over again, I can't say for sure. It was awesome all around.

I need to invest in a new video camera since this is prolly the last summer we're all together.

I don't know why you're putting up with it, to be honest.

It would be tough for me to deal with her kids while wanting to care for my own.

She should step up and help more.

I can't believe she wants to jump right in with another loser. Why can't some people simply chill on the relationships and put their kids first and spend time with them instead of thinking about where they're going to get their next "partner"?

I love kids, and of the 4; the 12 year old has called me dad since she was 3, there's my 8 and 6 year old, and the little one from OM1 has called me daddy since she could talk (most likely cause that's all the other 3 call me, drives OM1 up the wall). So I don't feel conflicted or put upon to treat them as my own while they're under my roof. Frankly, I intend to spoil them rotten while I have them. xWW and OM1 never took them out because, 1. they were constantly broke and 2. they couldn't handle the kids in public. They didn't discipline them at home so they misbehaved in public and they wonder why? So, no movies, no going to the park, no going out to eat, no museums, no aquariums, no zoos, etc. Also, I don't anticipate these activities happening when their mother moves to be with soulmate-of-the-week. They'll be too much in love to do antyhing besides stare longingly into each others eyes... and they'll be dirt broke. Maybe I'm setting the kids up for disappointment when they leave, but I think it's better that we not miss this opportunity to have fun.


Meh, I've officially been a single dad for a little over 4 years but really for more than 5 considering how that last year went and I'll be a single dad for quite a while after she leaves this time as well, so I haven't put alot of pressure on her to do anything around the house. I did give her hell about not spending any time with her children in the chewing I mentioned before and she has stepped up there... but still nothing that will take her far from her computer.

That one could constitute a whole new thread.

I don't know about everyone who does that, but as far as my ex goes, I think it boils down to a lack of character resulting from a poor upbringing. She has what seem to be co-dependency issues but my understanding of the term is fuzzy, as when I think I have it, it seems to change.

She's never lived on her own in her life (she's 33), going from her mother's house to a new man's house with at most a few days of fending for herself but mostly directly into another man's bed; never done most of the simple things that are necessary in life, such as open a checking account without her mother or myself holding her hand; I could go on, but in short, she's a big fraidy chicken.

Also, she's got her priorities all out of whack. Puts her happiness above else, even if it's just an illusory and temporary happiness. Don't ask me to analyze that one. Putting the your good time before your child's well being just doesn't compute with me.