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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Have you designated an intermediary yet? Do you want me to go over the do's and don't's for the intermediary?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 88
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 88 |
I have an intermediary set up, my SIL, and a backup ready as well.
The do's and don'ts would be great, thank you.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
ok, here is a post written by a lady who was coached by Steve Harley: Regarding intermediaries, Steve had some interesting things to say that I did not know:
1. Intermediaries act as "SPAM filters" (his words), allowing only communication that fits the boundaries set forth in Plan B to be passed on to protect the BS.
They do not share any other info he sends, regardless of how benign the content. He said they can tell me he sent something.
2. They remain neutral...just a messenger sending info on, no reactions.
3. If he sends something inappropriate, they thank him for his communication, but let him know it will not be shared and refer him back to the PBL.
4. He said if he tries to contact me any other way, they will indicate I have not opened/listened to whatever it is, and refer him back to them for all communication.
Obviously, the key here is to be very consistent and not allow WS to push the boundary.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 88
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 88 |
Well it's been almost two months since I last posted here. I've come back a few times, just to read and lurk around, but to be honest it kind of started making me angry. Reading about all these WS was really starting to wear on me so I stayed away for the most part.
So here's my update.
Dark Plan B went into affect first week of March. It felt really good on my end to not deal with the daily stress and chaos WW was causing. April 3rd I get a call from WW's sister telling me WW has stopped all contact with OM, she now see's just what kind of person he is and she wants to talk to me.
So WW and I meet for dinner and have a pretty good talk I thought. She suggested we start spending time together to see how things go. She has her own place at this point so we make some plans to do something together each weekend. In addition we get together for dinner with the kids a few times.
This past Monday I get a call from OM's ex. She says "what's going on tonight OM just dropped off son when he was supposed to spend the night with him. OM is PO'd and lays into his Ex. Ex asks son why he's not spending night at Daddy's and son says "I'm tired of listening to Daddy yell at WW on phone". Nice.
So I tell WW I know about the conversation, she fesses up that they are still talking and I tell her there's no point in us spending any time together. This is on Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday are completely dark and I'm trying to decide whether to move straight to plan D.Today I get a call from WW saying let's start the paper work and file. She throws out the disclaimer that it will take a few months and if she freaks out a month from now we can always stop it. To which I reply "just say it like it is, you want out so you can keep talking to OM, don't say things because you think they'll make me feel better."
Honestly at this point I'm ready for it. I just want it behind me and to move on. I am working on what I can do to assure kids are never around OM, but beyond that everything seems to be in place to get it over with, and that's okay with me. I've been lied to and sh:t on too many times. Too many false starts.
I want to say thank you to everyone who responded to me in the past. Especially MelodyLane. I appreciated your advice so much. I apologize for not posting more updates, but I felt like I just needed to distance myself a little bit. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Like reading about all the crap that WS do to BS's just starts to piss you off?
I'm sorry I can't report a happy ending, and don't have a success story to share. I'm sure there is hope for many couples out there. It just didn't happen for me, WW never was able to give it a try.
I have learned a great deal from this site and these boards and I'd like to try and help others and pass on what I have experienced when I can.
Thanks to all.
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