I thought of something last night. I am going to cut out caffeine and sugar after 3 p.m. And that includes hot chocolate from Starbucks. Which I love. Even in the summertime. And watch my carbs that I eat when I choose to eat dinner.

One other thing that I think is a side effect of the sleeping meds is my whole body twitching. I'll be drowsy and lying still in bed and then my whole body will just jerk really hard. Like when you have a dream that you are falling and you jerk really hard and wake yourself up. And just sitting my shoulders will twitch. I read the side effects on the paper from the pharmacy. So the meds might be doing more harm than good.

Maybe it's time to stop taking this medication all together and clear out my system. I don't know. But it sounds better the more I think about it.

I'm gonna run it by my therapy lady on Tuesday.

Yes, definitely, no caffeine after 3 pm!

There's a whole list of suggestions for "good sleep hygiene" you can probably find somewhere online. The no caffeine after a certain time is one. Another is to use your bed ONLY for sleeping (or SF) - no working, reading, tv, etc. I don't follow that one, though, since reading and tv help me fall asleep. Another is getting the temperature just right - not too hot - and having it dark and quiet. Another is no exercise after a certain time. And if you aren't getting to sleep, get up and do something else - don't just lay there getting more and more anxious.

And no certain types of foods after a certain time, but other types are good. Fats vs. carbs? I dunno, but carbs often make me sleepy. Also Sleepy Time Tea with honey. And turkey (tryptophan helps with depression also).

Turkey and dressing and mashed potatoes followed by pumpkin pie - that should make anyone sleepy! Not suggesting that every night tho.

Just a few things off the top of my head.

Sunshine girl,
Everything sounds easier than it is to another person, but what is crying out to me is that sleeping pills are to make you sleep and it is not working. You need to get to your acting classes; you need to establish routine (you've got pets - they love routine).

My advice is to wean yourself off the sleeping medication. Plan a holiday. Do you have family you can visit who would be supportive?

I do have family, but it's too cold to go visit them. And they really are having a hard time understanding how upset I am over the whole situation. They don't think I should be like this. As traumatized as I am. I keep telling friends that I'd really like to go sit on the beach in Hawaii and try to forget everything. But I'm going back to acting classes and I'm going to talk to therapist about the sleeping pills that don't work.

LA,

I love yoga! I do a hot flow yoga so I am exhausted and totally relaxed at the end. That is one thing I am able to do more of with my 'free' babysitting (WH).

You should count your blessing being in LA. I am in New England and spring is late and it is cold and dreary. If that doesn't depress anyone I don't know what would.

I have been to FL twice in the past month, once with my parents and once with my inlaws. The sunshine made such a difference in my attitude!

As for sleep the ingredient in tylenol pm is a antihystimine that is nonaddictive. You can by just that without the tylenol. My doctor told me this. I also use melatonin to help me sleep.

But I know right after I found out about the A my heart never stopped pounding in my chest so I couldn't sleep. I would get up at 3am and go for a walk. Now I can sleep with help.

My D17 was prescribed Malatonin by her doctor for having trouble sleeping. Pretty much completely natural. She swears it works like a sleeping pill.

I saw melatonin in the vitamin aisle at Target and I was wondering if it worked. All of the meds they have me on are habit forming. I don't want that. I've been up since 8:30 a.m. so hopefully I'll be tired around 10 tonight. Things were ok today so maybe it will be easier to go to sleep tonight.

Also, I checked at my gym and they have yoga classes. When they open in the morning I'm going to call and see what kind of yoga it is.

Melatonin sometimes works for me. Also 5HTP.

About the sleeping pills, I think they can backfire on you - you get addicted, meaning you can't go to sleep without them, and you need higher doses to get the same effect... it sounds like this may be happening to you.

Yes you need to wean yourself off them. And it won't be easy - expect to really struggle with sleeplessness at first, even more than before. But it's the only way.

Maybe do it even if the doctor thinks it isn't necessary. This isn't like quitting taking insulin or ADs, right? I mean, if you quit even AMA (against medical advice) that's still safe, right? Don't take my word for it though. But I'd certainly want to get off them.

And I didn't mean to sound like I thought it was easy. I struggle with insomnia a LOT. So I was just throwing a lot of different suggestions out there, no single one is a magic pill, but for me it helps to have a whole arsenal of weapons to use. When one starts being less effective I switch to another. And sometimes nothing works.

I know it would be bad to stop taking the AD's. But the sleeping stuff is stronger and more addictive.

I'm going to discuss all of these pills with my therapy lady. If it weren't for my friends and her, I doubt I'd still be here. She is wonderful. She will be able to let me know if it will be ok to stop taking them.

For some reason, I still hold this little bitty bit of hope that WS will somehow change and come back. I know it probably won't happen, but I pray for him anyway. I love him still.

A friend said I need to get out more. She said why don't you go out and date? I told her I can't even fathom dating. I'm still married. I won't cheat. The guilt would be too great.

LA, you hold on to this HOPE and WALK in FAITH that your M will be restored. If we let the doubt and uncertainty creep in then we are saying to G-d we don't believe in his promises. If you want your M, keep hoping and praying and just let G-d do what he is doing.

It's so easier for me to tell you then to listen, but I really mean this. We need to act as if our H will come home and be prepared for that day. Are you? There are still things in my life that need to be taken care of and maybe I need to get these done and know that I am ready for him to come home.

Just some suggestions especially if you truly want him to come home.

Yes, I pray everyday for him. I ask God for his blessings and to lead my husband home to me. I am very aware of the mistakes I made in our marriage. Knowing I don't have a chance to fix them is very hard. I just hope that someday he will give me a chance to fix them. So I keep praying. And waiting and hoping.

ForeverHers posted something interesting on my thread this morning about my comment of praying harder.

It has got me to thinking that more than having my M restored, which is what I want, but is it what I need. We know that G-d hates divorce and is working hard to not have that happen, but have you and I and everyone else learned the lessons that we needed to learn to not have this marriage or any other relationship become another act of our will.

I don't know if you are familiar with Rejoice Ministries. I receive their emails daily and it always amazes me how what I struggle with ends up being written about. This week I am getting ready for Pesach or Passover. This will be the first year that I won't be attending a seder and listening to the retelling of the story. I am choosing to be a mom and let my boys go play lacrosse on an island. But, in past years I gave up the hard work to clean my house and prepare it for Passover. This year, I am in the process of cleaning my place from top to bottom, getting rid of the chametz or crumbs. It is through this process that I get a sense of understanding of what it must have been like to be a slave through hard work.

I also am choosing to keep kosher for Passover next week, if for no other reason but because it's what Jews do at this time of year. Just like observing Shabbat. If Torah is our map to life, and reading it, learning it and applying it in life will bring me closer to G-d's will, then there is much I need to learn and maybe that's why my M hasn't been restored, because when being totally honest with myself, I am not living in G-ds world in a Jewish way.

So long way around, are you looking to G-d for his direction on what you need to learn, accomplish before your M can be restored? Please know that I am not criticizing or judging, just offering a suggestion on why we still hold all this hope and faith, and yet we don't see the results. Is it because we haven't done the work that needs to be done for it?

Just a thought and I could be totally way off base in your sitch, but I am not so sure in mine.

No offense taken Queenie. I know I have alot to work on personally. I took alot of stuff for granted: That he would always be there, that he would never leave, that he loved me...etc...

So I know that I have to do work on myself. That's why I'm IC and working on myself emotionally and physically every day. Plus I still pray everyday hoping that he will end his A and call me. But I'm not just sitting here and waiting for him to call, I'm trying to find a job, keep busy, get a manager &/or agent. But he has filed D papers. He's filed his motion for trial. I pray that it doesn't come to trial.

And the therapist said I shouldn't stop the anti-anxiety meds cold turkey. That's why I've felt so shakey and freaked out yesterday & today.

A high school friend contacted me via instant message because he had heard what had happened with me and he was worried. I hadn't spoken to him since high school. He had gone through a bad D and wanted to know if I was ok. I was speechless. I'm glad I wasn't talking to him, I would've cried. He told me to stay strong, hide $$$ and don't get put in the hospital again. The money part made me laugh. Cuz he is right. I told him I was gonna survive and maybe I'd see him if I came home this summer.

I guess it got around to more people after he found out and I got emails from two other classmates that had gone through divorces. They were all telling me to stay strong. I went to my acting class tonight feeling strong. And class went so good.

But now I can't sleep. I took all of my sleep medication and I don't think I can get the Rx renewed yet. I'm gonna call and see when the pharmacy opens.

I just slept for 7 hrs straight! I got a higher dosage of my sleeping medication and it works. I came home from the pharmacy and took one. It hit me and I fell asleep. Slept through a couple of phone calls. I heard the phone ring, I just didn't want to wake up enough to get out of bed. It's amazing how much sleep can help you.

On a sad note. My youngest cat who is 9 has kidney failure. I don't know if I should spend the $100+ a month that it's going to cost to treat him or would it be more humane and kind if I I had him put to sleep? I don't know. My heart is aching for him. My other cat who turned 17 is a diabetic and costs alot for insulin is also getting really old fast. He is getting so arthritic that he is having trouble walking. I was not expecting to possibly lose both of my boys plus my husband all at the same time.

LA,

I have been up since 4am...forgot to take my tylenol pm stuff!

Sorry about your kitties. My little one, not even a year just spent 3 days in the hospital and cost me 1,000. Didn't tell WH cuz he wouldn't have done it. Another area of disagreement. I lost one kitty during false recovery. We went out and adopted 2 kittens from the animal shelter. I must say they have been a delightful distraction. One is purring in my lap right now. He is such a love.

Hang in there. I woke up with all these thoughts flying in my head. I will write my WH a letter, it is all about how he thinks I am using my children to punish him. It makes me sick. I probaly won't send the letter but I need to purge.

KAG, I have done that too. I've written WH a few letters and said alot. I've never sent any of them to him though. I didn't want him to see them as Love Busters. And they probably would've been. So I shredded them.

Slept well last night for the first time in ages. My hands are still shaking though. Probably just nerves.

But, I'm going to get dressed and go out and run some errands. The sunshine will do me good.

Today I actually felt good. The first time in ages. I never knew how much sleep affected your thinking and reasoning until now. Things are so much easier to handle when you aren't sleep deprived. I've had 2 good nights of sleep and I feel calm. Might be the higher dosage of meds, but calm is good.

I also ate real food today. And I had 3 meals with lots of water. I highly recommend frosted mini-wheats with chocolate soy milk. It's delicious.

I may actually survive all of this.

Yes, LA! I'm glad you're getting sleep, and eating. And feeling better.


You betcha!

LA,

Sleep story about my DS11. He had high anxiety (mostly due to his medically compromised brother) and had sleep problems. He had behavior problems, ADD like symptoms, meltdowns...etc.

He had an evaluation last year that reported emotional problems, possible ADD. We went to work on him, melatonin and sleep tapes. Also a play therapist. After a year or so sleep improved, behavior improved, attitude improved and he gained 20 IQ points! So sleep it CRITICAL to life functions!

Keep working on it. I just had another bad night myself cuz yet again forgot the tylenol pm. So maybe that is why I am weepy today.