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Having OW meet all of his needs, getting out....
#2044821 04/20/08 06:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2007
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My1stLove
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of the way...

Can someone please clarify for me why we should get out of the way and leave the WS alone?
Re: Having OW meet all of his needs, getting out....
My1stLove #2044826 04/20/08 06:22 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
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Well, Frank Pittman says that an affair needs a marriage to survive. The affairees can unite against the BS.

I stayed in Plan A way too long. Then my Plan B was not dark enough. Oddly, the affair ended less than two weeks after our final divorce.
Re: Having OW meet all of his needs, getting out....
believer #2044840 04/20/08 07:19 PM
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MicheleG Offline
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My,
Basically you have NO control over a WS. You cannot end the A, so as a result you sre just a bystander. And as a bystander who is watching a WS and OP carry on, you are just damaging yourself. After you have done all you CAN do (expose, plan A) then it's time to go to plan B (step aside in essence) and let the A come naturally to a dead end (which the majority do within 2 years).





BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
Re: Having OW meet all of his needs, getting out....
My1stLove #2044934 04/21/08 12:44 AM
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My1stLove
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So that's what it means to let the affair die a natural death?

Believer, wow I thought your xH started pursuing you soon after the divorce was final.

Did you completely cut off contact after the divorce?
Re: Having OW meet all of his needs, getting out....
MicheleG #2044935 04/21/08 12:46 AM
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My1stLove
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Michele,

2 years..that's what I've been reading about here...

that just seems like a long time.
Re: Having OW meet all of his needs, getting out....
My1stLove #2044937 04/21/08 12:53 AM
Joined: Jun 2007
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PNW Foothills of the Cascades
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Quote
that just seems like a long time.
I'm coming up on a year in a few weeks. Somedays it seems like eternity, but if you are working on yourself and taking this time to heal yourself, then it doesn't seem as long when you look back on it.

But I still count the firsts and the months, etc.

Its truly one day at a time and one wave of pain at a time.

But if you keep your mind on the goal, let go and let G-d have your WS, then it will be ok.

BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09

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