We will be have been married 10 years in June, and we are talking about getting divorced or separated. This is my first marriage, and her 2nd marriage. We have 2 great little girls ( 8 and 4 ) and I will do anything for them. For the past 2 years, we just have not been happy.

My wife says that I do not communicate with her. She is much more emotionally needy than I am. She has admitted that she has more emotional needs that she "inherited" from her parents, who are also needy. I will admit that I am not a good communicator ( as far as what she needs ) but I will admit that I have been a great provider for her.

I thought everything was fine until 2 years ago when she bascially turned her shoulder away from me. We have not been intimate in 2 years, which I can live with. I do want to find another woman to be with, as I know that I can still love someone and that I deserve to be loved in return. ( This comming from a very good lady friend who I have known for over 20 years.)

We have discussed either separation or divorce. At first we decided not to do anything while my mother and her parents are still alive, as it might devistate them. Her mother is very sick, and we just moved them into an assisted living facility. Her mother probably has less than 1 year to live. I don't know how her father will survive once his wife has passed. My mother is also elderly, but much stronger.

Friends have told me that I should not worry about what the divorce will do to our parents. That, no matter what, they would want us to be happy, and if getting a divorce is the answer then we should do it.

We have been to 3 marriage counselors, but for whatever reason, my wife decided that they are not right for us. Thus we no longer go to them. I have met with our Rabbi, but she could not go, or did not want to go.

She has talked about waiting for 6-12 months before we do anything drastic, as she wants to see how her mother's health holds out. I just don't know if I want to wait that long to start what I think will no doubt end up being a separation or divorce.

I know that I don't love her anymore. But, I also want to do what is best for my little girls. I honestly think my family could accept our getting a divorce. Getting divorced will be a big strain on our finances. 95% of our assets are what I had before we got married.

I know this posting is a lot of rambling and does not flow well. But I am posting this less than 24 hours from when I first found this site. I am sure that I will be posting more topics once I get my head straight.

Thank you for reading and any advice or suggestions you recommend.

Welcome to MarriageBuilders, LarryB...

Please do your marriage a favor and read all the articles by Dr. Harley on this website...find out how you can fall in love with your wife again and again...

because a divorce will take apart your family. You already know that...it divides your financial, emotional, physical and spiritual resources.

Dr. Harley has some great tools on this website in the form of policies, articles and questionnaires. Make use of them. You mentioned three really important Emotional Needs in your post...the EN for Conversation, Sexual Fulfillment (SF) and for Financial Security (FS). Seems you've met one of these really well for your wife.

If you'll read the Basic Concepts you'll find it's really reasonable that both your love bank and your wife's love bank has gone into the red...and how you guys can get back the balance back into the black...fill up again.

Would the best possible scenario you can imagine be to be in love with the mother of your children again? And for her to be in love with you again?

Sometimes we spend a whole lot of time talking about our issues with our partners...instead of brainstorming solutions...and you made your way here where there is an abundance of great information to build an awesome marriage.

Do you know if your wife is having an Emotional Affair (EA) or not?

Know what terrifies a child the most about divorce when the mom and dad say, "Well, we're just not happy"? That at any moment that the child makes a parent unhappy, they will be divorced, too. You can tell the children they aren't to blame...you cannot convince them that if you'll leave someone you said you would love for a lifetime, you won't abandon them, too...if they make you unhappy (anger, sad, disappointed).

Tough way to go...please make sure you've done all you could to save your marriage so that in ten more years, you can face those precious faces and say honestly that you really did all that you could and made your marriage your top priority, owned your half, and fought to not divide the family.

When you were first dating and married, you were in love with your wife...and felt loved by her. You were loving and felt loved in return. You can have that again with your own wife.

LA