Hello All,<BR>Today was a real depressing day. Deborah called me at work and told me she sent the money to her attorney. We, Deb and I, are suppossed to meet Friday evening to go over the separation of property and finances. If I cooperate and we can reach an agreement then we can avoid a battle and extra expenses. I really don't have a choice in the matter. Papers will be filed soon and in a couple of months it will be over. Again she said it is too late. This is inevitable.<P>Hard to figure, isn't it? Needless to say, I wasn't much good the rest of the day. I'm really having a hard time dealing with all this. She makes it sound like it is all my fault. <P>Any prayers and encouragement would be appreciated.<P><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

Dane,<P>I know what you mean. I filed for divorce and it wasn't a happy day either. However, I will tell you that my W and I have begun to heal. It still hurts but I've gotten to the point where I now can share what I've always wanted... her heart.<P>Eric32

Eric32,<P>Appreciate the reply. In my situation, I do not want the divorce. I have been betrayed and rejected. Used and thrown out like an old shoe. It was my hope and desire that there would be enough time for her to reconsider. No such luck.<P>Any other help?<P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

Dane -<BR>I am so sorry. I know how it feels to be told it is over. I did cooperate with the initial steps toward the D my H thought he wanted (he had not yet retained a lawyer - but we say a mediator together) and now he says he doesn't want to divorce. I expect your wife will go through the same kind of confusion - you do not easily throw away 20 years together. But in the end, you cannot control here decision and you may get tired of the vacillating.<P>Hold on tight and take care of yourself - focus on you. It is really the only way of coming through this either with or without her.<P>Take care.

Thank you Starpony,<P>I appreciate your response. I do not see any variation in her position. No one knows what the future will bring. I will eventually get to the point where I will be able to take better care of myself. Right now, to get up in the morning and to make it throught the day is all that I can do. I take no more pleasure in the things I do. I read and learn and still get discouraged. I laugh at things for the moment and then visit despair again quickly. It will take awhile before it starts to get better. I appreciate so much the help you all provide.<P>Thanks again, <BR><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

I too am the betrayed...<BR>My W filed first... (3 weeks after discovery)<BR>then to keep the kids with me <B>I</B> had to counter file...<P>But...<BR>She has since moved out... left the kids with me... had her OM move in with her...<BR>AND...<BR>now <B>I</B> put the divorce on hold... while I can try and build up my/her love bank.<P>I can put my divorce on hold because...<BR>1. I have the kids... she gave up (OM was priority)<BR>2. I have control of finances... better job!<BR>3. I have the better attorney... far better!<BR>4. She is not pushing for it... (not sure why?)<P>We've only gotten to the point of a preliminary property settlement agreement... when she moved out (7 weeks ago)<P>Of course all of divorce processes resulted in big time Love Busting early on... (big threat of an expensive($$$) custody battle) which is why, now, I am still in Plan A. She has got to see I am not <B>the</B> creep. She needs to know <I>why</I> I fought for my family.<P>Your situation may be different...<BR>kids? money? etc.?<P>I hope you can postpone your divorce for as long as possible. If not, it may be one more hurdle to overcome. I hope and pray my divorce never gets finalized too.<P>Jim<P>-----------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

I am also very nearly divorced. It is very difficult "sticking to my guns" (fair property settlement, satisfactory child arrangements etc.; all of which are MAJOR love-busting discussions and battles) while at the same time wanting to see the divorce called off and reconciliation occur.<P>I still hope for the miracle, but have learned I must fight well and strong for the sake of my own future and time with my kids. <P>It is a crazy, crazy experience....

Hey 7 - <P>I know how you feel. My W is having the affair and she also filed. It really sucks - betrayal, abandonment and divorce - all by one spouse directed twoard the other. The pain just doesn't seem to end.<P>I'm here to tell you that it does get easier. I've developed a certain peace of mind about it. Although I never wanted the divorce, I can't fight it in this state (MN) so I must learn to accept it.<P>My W has damaged our relationship so much that I feel that it isn't worth the emotional agony anymore. I am to the point where I am actually looking forward to dating again.

NSR, thanks for your reply. To answer your questions: Married 22 years. 2 children, son, 20 and daughter, 18. My W makes more than I do. She is an interior designer and earns commission. I am an insurance claims adjuster. She is the primary reason for our financial success, and now will be the reason for our downfall. For some reason she thinks that she can maintain the same level of lifestyle. I, on the other hand, have a few pieces of furniture in a one bedroom apartment. The carpet has spots and the space is small. I have my son's first year tuition loan to pay, back taxes, loans, etc. And now I find out that she wants me to pay support for our 18 year old. I guess so she can continue her new-found hobbies.<P>Doc, I understand the conflict of knowing that you have to salvage some respect and fight for the things that will help you survive this nightmare, and still not want to go through the divorce. I know I will be forced to fight for myself.<P>Shattered1, Somehow with all the stories I've read here, I didn't know that anyone had the same kind of story that I had. I'm glad that things will be getting better. TX is also a state that is no-fault regarding divorce. She can divorce me without me having to agree. Pretty simple, and pretty humiliating.<P>I know it will get better. I just can't seem to keep my focus on that now. <BR><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>