I have been making myself sick for the last couple of months thinking about something I found and really don't know what to do.
First I will give you a little bit of background. We have been married for over 10 years and are close to 40 years old. We have had our ups and downs and money issues have been prevalent throughout the marriage. We are together but basically that was it, because of some love I am sure but also for our son.
Leading up to the discovery there had been some weird things going on but I can't really describe them, I wasn't really looking for anything, it was more like a feeling. The following events are looking back and thinking the worst. Over the course of a couple of weeks She attended an informal class reunion and stayed out until after 4 in the morning, which she has never done. Made phone calls to a guy from the reunion on her cell, yes I snooped to find that out. She went out one evening for a few hours out of the blue, not normal for her. This stuff can be taken as normal stuff, heck I could have done it. But the real heart stopper is below.

One morning after a big snowfall I went out to start and clean the snow off my wife's SUV. While I was sitting there letting it warm up I casually was looking around and her purse was lying there partly open and I could see a lab sheet sticking partly out. She had her yearly that week and it seemed like a normal thing. It should be noted that I have a strong moral value that men don't go in women's purses but the temptation was to strong. I really don't know what possessed me to look because the guilt from doing that is almost hurting me more then what I found. On the sheet was a request to check for five different STD's and nothing else. I swear my heart stopped and I died for a moment of time.

I have not come right out and asked her about it, partly my guilty feelings and partly because I am scarred of confrontation. I have tried to blend scenarios into conversations that would open the door for her but she has never offered even a smidgen of information. I even had a friend she doesn't know email me with the same basic idea and asked her if she could give him some advice. She got mad at me for not telling me about my friend and never even acknowledged the STD part.

Am I making to much out of this and this is normal stuff women get checked for during the physicals?

Thanks in advance to this site and anyone who reply’s.

This is not normal.

When I go in for my yearly, my doctor asks me if there's any reason to check for Chlamydia. That's it. None of the others. I've certainly never been screened for 5 of them. Back before I was married, my doctor routinely did Chlamydia, because I guess it is "silent" and a lot of times you don't have any symptoms. Other than that, they'd ask me if I was having problems, and if I said no, then they didn't check for anything else.

And since I've been married they ask me "is there any reason to test for Chlamydia, and are you in a monogamous marriage?" If I say there's no reason to test, and we are monogamous... they don't check.

I'd seriously think about this guy she spent that night with until 4 am. Start snooping-- check email, cell phone records...

Something's fishy. this isn't right.

Janie

I would find a way to talk to your wife about what you found in her purse. She will be angry, expect that.

AS for the STD testing, I had it done routinely when I was single because that is what my OB/GYN recommended. I've been tested a few times over the last three years, since Dday#1. It's not something that would occur to me to do if I THOUGHT my H was faithful.

If your gut is churning over this, then don't ignore it. Approach your wife in a loving manner, with concern over her recent behavior and the STD testing.

halsmith,

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Your WIFE got tested for STD's. Now, why would she do such a thing?

Does she think you are out whoring around, or is she an extreme germ-phobe? Doubtful.

The only reason she would get tested for an STD is if she was afraid that the last guy she slept with gave her one. Since she obviously didn't have the good sense to use a condom (they never do), she probably didn't get tested prior to showing symptoms.

What type of spouse suspects they currently have an STD and STILL doesn't tell their partner, even though they are sleeping with them, too?

Any typical wayward spouse, that's what kind.

Krazy,

Is it me or what? This is the second gaslighting thread I've see today and I don't get it.

There is only two reasons a W who is living in a fathful and monogomous(sp) relationship would ever get tested for five STD's.

The first being that she believes her H is cheating on her behind her back, and the other, ......knowing that she has cheated and may have been exposed to and STD.

Beyond that, there would be no solid reason for an OB/GYN to order such testing! NONE WHATSOEVER!!!!!!

Don't know what to tell you Halsmith, except the same old thing we all say around here, TRUST YOUR GUT!

All Blessings,
Jerry

Here is the deal. When you confront her about it, be strong and do not let her manipulate you. First, she is going to yell at you for snooping. Then, she is going to lie to you about it being standard procedure. After that, she'll tell you she was having funny discharge, so the doctor recommended it. Then, she'll yell at you for daring to accuse her of cheating on you. You need to sack up and grab your bullsh!t detector, and not back down when she comes at you (and she will, the best defense is a good offense). You need to stand up for yourself and enforce your boundaries. No staying out all night, no calling this OM from the reunion. If you still can't get proof, I might even do some entrapment type call to him. Ask him if he gave your WW an STD because she had to go to the doctor and get tested. Tell him you know what happened. Maybe he will admit to the affair but deny the STD. At the very least, it might scare him away. Continue to gather information and get a keylogger for your computer. Most waywards deny up until the point that they have proof shoved in their face.

Also, you need to read up here and learn how to meet your WW's ENs and avoid LBs. Get started on plan A.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT SHOW WEAKNESS!

halsmith, you have every right to know everything that is in your wife's purse. There should be no secrets between married people.

You have every right to ask for an explanation about why she needs to be checked for STDs since this is INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR LIFE. There is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your "guilt" is entirely inappropriate.

If she is having an affair, this is something that could have prevented if you did a little snooping earlier.

In fact, before you ask her about her STD test, I would strongly suggest you do a little snooping to see if you can find anything. She might be having an affair.