My FWH wants a divorce now. We've been trying to work this out for almost 2 yrs. We were having a major fight, we fight all the time, and I told him I didn't think he had changed and that I don't like who he is. He was so hurt that he slept on the futon.
Then I tried to fix it today and tell him I will be working on me, starting counseling, etc, and he responded with "I'm done. Thank you for trying, but I'm done." He says he can't take anymore of the crap that I give him. In my defense, I don't think I'm done healing. I suppose we were in false recovery b/c we had quit counseling and seemed to gloss over our problems with I love you's and never solved any issues between us.
I kind of want to be done myself, but I am commited to this marriage out of obedience to God and to protect our 3 daughters from the pain of divorce.
I feel we could make it if he would submit to God, but he's never had more than a superficial Christian walk. I know that is judgemental, but I don't see any evidence of anything deep. His Bible gets dusty between Sundays.
He told me he was done via email this morning. He also said he is taking leave next week to take care of everything (file for divorce). Now it is way past his usual time to be home and my stomach is in knots as to his whereabouts and his plans.
I don't know how to react to him when he gets home. I do know that an angry outburst will only worsen things.
What do I say to him when he does show up? I can't convince him to want to work this out, but I know I can do something to maybe get him to think there is still hope.

He can't take YOUR CRAP anymore?

Sounds like he is a serial cheater.

I would see an attorney to protect the family finances.

I would tell him that you don't want a divorce, and you will fight everything every step of the way. Get a good lawyer, and maybe he will think divorce is the worse of the two options. Fight him for sole use of the marital home, primary custody, and every penny you can get. Right now he is withdrawn and there is not much you can do to get him to want to work on the marriage. Give him a reason not to get a divorce. Don't talk divorce with him, let the lawyer handle all of that.

HBee:

Seems to me that the Affair ma have restarted.

Not home?

Needs to "take a week" to start the D process?

Sounds like he wants to "take a week" to spend it with either the prior OW, or a new OW. Nobody has to leave the house to plan a D. They leave the house to be with someone else.

Your not fighting on a level playing ground.

Give some more of your story.

There is hope here.

LG

I know most people on here are quick to respond with he must be cheating, but you did not mention anything in your post about thinking he is still cheating, so I am going to assume that the problem is about what you said. You fight all the time and don't like who your H is and I am going to assume your H is tired of being punished and is done.

I've been in recovery for one year and we rarely fight, but I do tend to explode about once a month. These occasional outbursts have been really hard on my husband and I can honestly say that if we fought everyday I do not think he would still be here. Not because he was cheating, but because it would just be too much for him.

If after two years you do not like who your H is, do you think you ever will? If not then what is the point of staying together and fighting all the time?