So a few weeks ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I agreed at first thinking maybe he was right that it was for the best but after actually thinking about it I don't want to divorce him. His reasoning behind the whole thing is that he feels our marriage is crap, and he fears that if we stick it out much longer we will eventually hate each other and not want to be around each other. Now I can kind of understand where he is coming from but it just feels odd to me. He claims I am his best friend and he doesn't want to loose that but he is slowly making it hard for me to even be his friend anymore.

The thing is he has-for years now-been talking to his ex. He claims they are just friends and I have dealt with it for all these years. The thing is I have never cared for them being friends but I was trying to be the bigger person and accept it now I am in an awkward position of not wanting him to talk to her and not knowing how to voice my opinion. See he will sometimes go months without talking to her at all and then they start talking on a regular basis. Now he does not get online he hates the PC they talk via phone and text. She has recently said more to me about stuff that makes me uncomfortable than I like. They say I Love you when hanging up the phone witch makes me uncomfortable he says it is because she says it and he would feel bad leaving her hanging. I told him if he doesn't feel it he shouldn't say it.

She lives like 1100 miles away from us now and I feel stupid for even thinking anything, but with recent developments, ie his asking for a Divorce, her talking to me about their past and putting words in my mouth to him and the world (she accused me of saying she was going to move back here to be with him if he gets divorced and I never said it). She went on to calling me ugly names which I could care less about but instead of being a real man and telling her she is undermining his marriage, his family and Me, and that he doesn't want to be friends with her he continues to talk to her all hours of the night. With all the stuff she has said to me lately I have been feeling down, I ended up in the hospital for 5 days after all that happened and he called me 2 times and never came to see me but he called her in the middle of the night one night. I am hurt and confused and don't know how to talk to him about it, how to ask him to stop talking to her with out sounding like a whiney jealous person, who wants him to get rid of the last friend he really has outside of our marriage.

Am I over reacting or is it more than I think? What should I do? I have no one really to talk to I have no friendships left he is my only friend and it hurts to think that if he continues being friends with her I am not even going to be able to stay friends with him.

It sounds like at least an emotional affair. How long were they married? Why did they get a divorce?

And how long have you been married to him?

The thing you need to be doing now is a good Plan A. You can read all about it here. It includes showing him what a good wife you could be without any angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements.

Also you need to start changing anything that he complained about during the marriage.

That is what is kind of funny about the whole thing. They were NEVER Married. They were only together for a few months, after I had our first child. We have 3 kids now and I am his first wife. Neither one of us had been married before. We had our first baby 2 years prior to getting married and they were long broken up when we got married. Thye broke up well I was always told it was because he wanted to be with me and our son, recently it was stated that she told him he needed to be with us. I dont really know what to believe anymore.

We have been married for 6 and a half years together for about 10 with a break the first year. We have been friends for 11.

I am now starting to change what he has complained about in our marriage, I hope it helps.

Then it sounds like an emotional affair. He is probably unhappy with some things and it is kind of like a fantasy. But it is very dangerous to your marriage.

Are you able to spend 15 hours a week doing fun things together without the kids?

15 hours a week no we may get one hour every once in a blue moon. We hardly ever have anytime to ourselves.

That is something you need to work on. Hire a babysitter. Or if that is impossible, see that the kids go to bed early so you have an hour or two together alone in the evening.

Eorr,

I'm glad you're here. Believer is a great mentor!

Have you read much of the site yet? Specifically, plan A and B?

Eorr,

Just a thought, you may want to post your information in your signature line, such as: your/WH ages, kids gender and ages, dday etc...it will help others keep track of your situation. Keep posting if you want more feedback.

I am confused.
So he was dating both of you at the same time and you became pregnant, is that correct?

Just wanted some clarification.
Were you both aware of the other during the times he was with both of you?

mlhb

eorr,

How are you doing? Your thread will die if you don't keep up with it.

No he was dating me when I got pregnant we did not even know her yet. When I found out I was pregnant we had already broken up. and he started dating her when I was 4 months pregnant.

When our son was 1 he was dating both of us I guess, and yes we were both aware, it was nothing exclusive at that time.