I am new here. First I'd like to thank everyone in MB of their supports and understandings to a BW like me. MB has kept me company during many many lonely nights........

My husband started his A in Sep 07, I gone thru 2 months of devastation, anger and rage and finally started my Plan A at end of Dec 07. I think I have done most of the "carrots" and the "sticks" as suggested by Pepperband in "The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A". My H's A is still going on but my boundaries are up. it's time to draw a line of how much more pain I can endure. It's time to move on with my life and tell myself 'enough is enough'.

I am thinking of moving on to Plan B soon. But I have been struggling with some questions lately. I have asked H to move out but he won't. So I would have to move out in order to implement a Plan B.

(1) Among the postings I've read here, I normally see WS being asked to leave and BS stays in the house. In my case, if I leave, I will be running into a risk of NEVER be able to come home. That means I will lose everything including the house. You think a Plan B would work if the BS is the one who leave?

(2) I am also struggling with the fact that the OW may move into the house and take over the house. What can I do to prevent that?

I know Plan B is suppose to protect ME but I have all these concerns. Thanks for all your inputs.

grace, I would go see an attorney and see if you can negotiate having your H move out in a legal separation. If you can't, then you will probably have to move out via a legal separation. But if you do, have a legal seperation in place so you are financially protected.

Have you exposed the affair? Do you have children?

Melody,

Thanks for your advise. We were married out of the country so we are not leagally married here in the US. The house was bought under my name because he had tax liens and couldn't own any properties. We have talked about separation and I have asked him to leave. But he said he has a home office in the house and he has too much business related stuffs in the gargage that he doesn't know where to move them.

He has aksed me to stay and said he would break up with her but everything were just empty promises.

We have a 17.5 yr old step daughter from his previous marriage. We don't have kids of our own.

I have not exposed his A to everybody, only to his sister and his cousin. All my friends knew about it but I have not told my parents.

Grace,
If the house is in your name and you are not legally married, I don't think he has any authority to refuse to move out. I would suggest speaking with an attorney about this to see if you need to "evict" him, which may come with a time delay.

Its not your problem that he runs a home office out of your house and doesn't know what to do with his stuff. Too bad, he shouldn't have cheated on you. Let him feel the full weight of the consequences of his actions.

The flipside of all this being, that if he can't legally stay in the house due to an unrecognized marriage, he probably also cannot be made to provide you with any support. Make sure you have a job and enough income to pay the house on your own.