Hey Hope, I was looking at your registration date which is 07, but your D-day was in 06. What did you do during all that time?

It sounds like you are keeping a darker Plan B. Good for you girl. Let the curtains hang tightly closed.

Queenie,before the affair I was never one to sit on the computer although both boys and H have their own computers.
I thought it was a waste of time..I would rather be working in my garden or watching tv.

I was in such a bad way in Jan-March 07 that I could hardly function.I stumbled on MB by accident when looking for info on affairs on internet somewhere round April I think and just read other peoples stories.

My boys are going to stay with WH from tonight till Sun as WH's sister and her family are holidaying with WH and OP for a few days.SIL's kids are similar age to mine and they haven't seen each other in a few years as they stay in another province.WH has 2 sisters,one had a fallout with him over his behavior and drinking in Dec07 and he doesn't speak to her...ironically they were very close before the affair.
This SIL is younger and a typical peace keeper,she won't pass judgement on WH.She phoned me once..I am aprehensive as what to say if she comes to visit me while they are here....
I don't trust WH's family.

Thankfully my nights are booked this weekend, Monday is a holiday too.God makes sure that something always pops up when I'm alone..friends phone and invite me out not knowing I'm on my own.That is always a sign for me that He is always with me.I'm also working Sat and Sun.

This may sound strange but I feel that I am been pulled away from my stand for my marriage....as though I must give up..I know I mustn't but ever since my SLIP I have felt like this..is this the evil force at work or what..my mind is not in a Godly place right now and I can't snap out of it.Maybe I'm just moving on...
In a way its a good place to be cos I am feeling stronger mentally..the idea of going out in the evenings with friends is something I look forward to now,I even think about maybe meeting someone...although I know its not what I should be doing..its quite an empowering feeling,knowing I am in charge of my feelings and what I want to do.
Part of me wants to say f**k this..I deserve to have fun and meet people and feel like a woman again...
What do I do???I feel like I'm letting God down for all he has done for me so far in this journey..He hates divorce..but how much longer do I have to suffer emotionally and mentally!!

I have always felt that how long I will stick this out and walk in FAITH for my M was up to G-d.

I don't have an answer when that day of not doing it anymore will come.

Queenie I was thinking if WH wanted to come home in the future,what I have done in that time period should not make a difference to him if he really loved me....

So I am going to live my life and if I meet someone so be it...
I'm definitely not looking for someone though...also I'm not going to places to meet guys if you know what I mean...

Queenie how is your WH relationship with your kids now?Has it improved?
I,m leaving work now so will check in tomorrow...

Yesterday WH bought DS18 home after school so he could clean his rat cages.(he keeps snakes and the rats unfortunately are food,thankfully he doesn't feed them to the snakes live!!)

Anyway he took an hour and because I was home WH had to sit in the car in the heat!!!as I won't allow him in the house.WH didn't pay me any money this month and he said its because I am stalling this divorce!My lawyer sent his lawyer our reply 3 months ago and we are still waiting for his pension values.Why doesn't he contact his lawyer!!Its always my fault.

I don't need his money really but do you think I should tell my lawyer?I don't want to speed up the divorce if I can help it.

I had a great night out last night and going out Sunday night to with girlfriends.Monday is a holiday and we're going to have a breakfast on monday morning to recover !!

Life is good for me at the moment..living day to day no point in worrying about things you can't change.I was driving behind a car and saw a bumper sticker.."don't panic...Gods in control"
So true...just another sign to me from God.I have left everything in His hands...

Don't tell your lawyer. Afterall, you want to drag out the divorce as long as possible.

And be very careful about going out with friends at night. You may meet someone you are interested in, and that just adds more problems. Right about the time the BS has someone else in mind, the WS often comes back. There will be plenty of time for that later, if you end up divorced. But we have seen many here to all the way to the divorce and end up back together.

I like this thought.

Believer thank you for your advice.I was thinking along those lines but I have friends who tell me that I mustn't be fool and that WH is scoring by not paying me.

My marriage is more important to me than money.People don't understand this.
Believer I always respect the advice you give people on this site..I do hope WH will come back but at the moment there is little chance of that happening.I am getting stronger emotionally so I will survive this ...that I know.

I hear what you saying about going out but I can't sit at home in limbo...I am not looking for a man as I know it will complicate my life..most of my friends are married so we have good clean fun !!!

Having a great long weekend,thursday and friday were public holidays here.Been going out lots with friends too.
DS18 and myself went to his best friends moms 40th on wed night,got home at 1.30am!!WH decided to come at 8.30 the next morning to fix leaking garage roof,something he should have done months ago..anyway DS15 was the only one up as DS18 and myself were sleeping!!WH had plenty of questions for DS15..asked where did we go, when did we get home,DS15 said dunno I went to bed at 12!!

When I got up at 9,I didn't go outside to say hi..tuned into MTV on the TV and turned up the volume!!!..he definitely would have heard it and knew I had had a good time at party,something I always do the next morning after a party. After 2 hours DS15 asked me to take him to a friend and I went to see my sister.When I got home WH was gone..
WH had purposefully left the old roof sheeting he had removed lying next to my pool!!!He knows I can't remove them ,he has a 4x4.DS18 phoned him and said"what must I (DS18)do with the sheeting? classic!!WH replied put them in the garage and I will fetch them.LOL.
Its so easy for me now to avoid him..no butterflies in tummy,nervousness or wanting to see him..quite sad actually..

I went out with girlfriends the other night and I met a nice guy..he actually picked up my hand and checked for a wedding ring..isn't there!!He was 6 years younger then me too! Anyway we just had a good time and nothing much happened.I think I have moved on from WH as sad as that is..

At the moment I have mixed feelings but I'm not going to sit at home and wait for him anymore...16 months is a long time...

Oh-oh, no going out and talking to other men while you are still married. I know it is hard and feels so good when a man notices you, but it leads to nothing but problems and more problems. Please wait until you are divorced.

Hi Believer,

Maybe Hope needs a little refresher course on why this leads to more problems. I might even need that class myself. I understand wanting and needing to feel the attention.

Hi Hope,

I haven't posted to you before, but just read most of your thread. You are in good hands with Queenie. She's the MB cheerleader!!!

It sounds like you are doing great. Keep up the good work. I know the lonely feeling too. I'm in my 9th month of Plan B, and sometimes it gets very lonely. I try to do something almost every evening to keep my mind occupied.

Hang in there...

Chailover thanks for checking in.Your D Day is close to mine 6th Dec 2006.
I know,Queenie is the best,she has pulled me through some of my toughest moments this last year.
I wasn't going to mention that I had met a guy as I know I would get a 2x4! but I must be open and honest here otherwise I'm only fooling myself.Its so much easier to forget WH and enjoy the attention of other guys.It does wonders for your confidence etc.When you are feeling like you have been tossed aside by the person you have given more than half your life to,positive affirmations are so good.

Its torture to wait day to day for WH to maybe come back.Why must I put myself through that?
I know deep down I should be standing for my marriage...its just so much easier to move on..and enjoy life..
I find it hard to even pray for WH and my marrige and I was doing so well..its almost as if I feel like I hae fallen off the wagon!!I can't or maybe don't want to put myself back on that rollercoaster ride...its too painful

At the moment I'm teaching DS18 to drive,here in S.A. you can only drive when you are 18.This is something WH should be doing..you know,father son thing.WH hasn't even offered to teach him.His loss!

Its just so tempting to go out there and meet people..I know I look great,everyone says so and its such a booster to get attention from guys especially when they younger than you!!ha,ha
The dark side is so alluring!!!!

Hope,

And it's alluring you.

I love you, but girl, you are walking very close to losing everything and not just your marriage if you aren't careful. EVERYTHING, being your self respect and integrity if you don't stop this mind set.

Yes, it's awesome to have someone pay attention, but to not have the energy for praying. I'm seriously worried about you. If you want the D, then that's your choice and NOT ONE person would fault you, but you can't have it both ways.

Please, be careful. If not for your M, but for you and your relationship with G-d.

Queenie it frightens me too..the fact that I can't pray..I started afresh this morning..got out my bible,read scripture.I always ask for a rhema and open the pages randomly.1 corinthians Ch.10 verse 21-24.jumped out at me and I felt like I was been scolded!!!
Anyway I will try to climb back on the wagon..
Why is it always hard to do the right thing/its so much easier to say "stuff this I deserve better"

Queenie believe me when say I would never do anything to compromise my self respect when it comes to guys..
My self esteem is way up there..its just that I felt I deserve to have some happiness and fun in my life...WH is...

Friends and family are glad for me ,especially my boys..they want me to move on...

I really believe the D will be wound up soon...although WH seems to be dragging his feet.If this is what he wants,worrying about how much money he will be paying me can't deter him from the D forever..OP will be pressurising him..
My friend thinks as long as OP has WH money she won't care about the D being finalised and that I am letting WH get away with not paying me what he should be..
Its a difficult call..is money more NB at this stage..no..

Time will tell....
Queenie I dreaded reading your post to me..I was cringing!!!
You are always right on the money though...

Its WH's weekend with the kids and he told them he will bring them back home Sat night as Sunday is mothers day.What a surprise..
I had to laugh at my DS18 last night.He sometimes chats to OP's son by text message..Son told him that the transmission was going on OP's car..DS18 said"mom you can expect to see dad spending more money on OP's car!!!"

I never thought my love for WH would dwindle as has been explained on this site when you are in plan B..but its happening to me...it just confirms to me that the Good Doc knows what his talking about!!

This will be the 2nd month that WH has not given me any money..he still pays the large bills like morgage etc...he normally pays me by the 7th..
He is trying to force me to push the divorce as he says I'm stalling....why doesn't he just contact his lawyer?nothing has happened for 3 months now.
I know I'm been stubborn but WH must do this divorce as he is the one that wants it..he is quick to blame me for EVERYTHING..even HIS affair.
He must finish what he started..take responsibility for his actions..
Its become a battle of the wills now..
Plan B has become effortless for me now....I do think of him every day though.I have this senario in my head...like a seesaw...in the beginning I was down and WH was up on a high with his affair...now I'm on the up and WH is on the down..with money and divorce worries..its just a feeling that I have..could be wrong about him being down..dunno..
Negatives on his side lately that I know of are..he forked out large amount of money to fix OP's car and its still not fixed....they fired their maid for stealing!!...WH's one rep has become a coccaine addict...his storeman had a car accident,was off work for a long period(stress for WH as his the boss)...OP's EXH is not paying her maintenance...WH needed to replace his BMW car tyres..one burst...very expensive!!
My kids say they have huge rats in the roof of their house which is a major problem!!!WH is trying desperately to irradicate them...kids say they make a huge noise at night..ha,ha

Me and my boys have settled down into a peaceful,happy way of life at home and not a day goes by when something happens between me and my boys and I think to myself..WH is missing out on this moment...
Having a good day..hope it lasts!!!

I am going to asked my intermediary to tell WH to pay me my maintenance thats outstanding so that I can buy new tyres for my car..(WH told DS18 that I must get a quote for tyres as I need them,and he will pay for them!)I hadn't noticed my tyres were so bad..

WH will be mad that I'm involving my intermediary..told her to email him..short and sweet.I just know his going to say get a quote first!!

WH would have read his email this morning...its now 4pm here and no reply yet to intermediary.....

I'm hoping he'll deposit money in my account...but its always a power play with him...

Then STOP the power play.

Hope if you read my thread, you'll know that WH hadn't paid me almost 1400.00 in almost a month. Money happens to be one of my hot buttons not to mention control triggers. I not only didn't contact WH during any of this, let my A handle it, I prayed very HARD to keep my mind off of what WH was thinking or doing.

That's the crux of Plan B. Oh so much easier said than done, but it's sadly the truth.

FWIW, I did pretty darn good by not freaking out over this. Truly... And it's because I gave it to G-d. One of the things I had to look at was what was the lesson G-d wanted me to learn, and then I think I remembered what Mimi or someone else said to you. Learn to do it yourself. And that is my lesson. I have to learn to take care of myself WITHOUT WH.

You can do it, look at you, you are doing it already. Just stop the power play and LET GO, LET G-D have him.

Queenie,thanks for your thoughts.I have definitely come to realise that I am capable of standing on my own 2 feet.Because I was with WH since I was 15, I was so dependant on him and didn't think I could cope on my own,although I ran the house if you know what I mean...
I am proud of myself for coming through this trial with positives.I almost lived in WH shadow.My friends have really amazed me by the way they have stuck by me..and not just in the beginning...they are still with me..WH has no friends...

I am being very careful not to break plan B with this money issue.WH hates the intermediary thing..although he likes my sis.He will try to push my buttons and not stick to PBL conditions..hence not work thro' sis.
We will see..Do you have an intermediary Queenie or are you dealing directly through A?
I am not worried about the money cos I do have parents that will help me if need be..also I can work more shifts to earn more if need be...the kids understand this and are supportive.I know that God is watching over us.Also me and the kids are always making jokes about the shortage of money i.e we all losing excess weight and tummies have shrunk!!lol
On a serious note we have realised just how much food we used to eat...so unnecessary...and unhealthy.Times like this bring us closer together to.
cost of food and petrol have sky-rocketed here due to oil prices so everyone is feeling the pinch.
What saddens me is the kids say WH has lots of food luxuries etc..when they go there..when they tell him we don't have much at home he laughs and thinks they are joking!!
I have learned to be patient and let go of worrying about my situation..the ball is in WH court now..
WH can't hurt me anymore emotionally as I am in a better place now and it makes it easier to stand up to him mentally.No more pity parties!!!The battle of the minds has begun!!!