My husband and I have been married for 4 years now and have one son. Well, my husband and i dated during highschool since the 10th grade on and off, to my knowledge were eachothers first and only and married a year after graduation. We both joined the military together and our first year of marriage was apart. During that first year i had deployed to iraq and had and affair with a co-worker, call him D. After returning home my husband and found our first home together and things at first was alright but soon we did nothing but fight and I went back to D. My husband and I separated and I contuined to see D. My husband and I reconcilled after I found out I was pregnant and I stop seeing D on my husbands request. I prayed it was my husbands and not D's but I always knew there was a chance my son was his. I kept the truth about the affair and the chance our son was D's to myself. I wanted to tell my husband the truth but feared he would leave. Resently after a chaplin recommended your book His Needs Her Needs we had gotten a few chapters in to it and I couldn't keep the truth any longer and told my husband. At first he was mad and left but decided he wanted to work things out and that it happend a long time ago. Then he ordered a mail in dna test to find out whether or son was his or not. The results came back negitive and it devasted the both of us. I felt so sick and he felt hurt. We are trying to work things out between us and after reading your book I've looked back and discovered why I had and affair. However before we got married during our on and off times in highschool my husband told me 2 yrs ago about him sleeping with 3 other girls. I forgave him about it because of what I had done but now it hurts because we have talked alot about what happend back then for both of us and after hearind about the details of what he had done hurts badly because even during our off times we remained "friends with benifits" and continued to sleep together. After hearing about him sleeping with these other girls while we were still slepping together and to hear that he had them in the back seat of his car and in his bed where we had been together too hurts and I feel as if I am not giving it my all because of everything. After I told him he started asking about details and wanted to know everything about it and the questions hurt because I've pushed the thoughts out aver the years and have forgotten alot of the details. However after asking him about the details of his fling before marriage he remembers alot and had one of the females as his friend on my space. This one female he slept with twice and during or separation saw her again and says all they did was talk about what was going on between us. It bothers me because he has talked about whether or not he should go cheat on me to make himself feel better but then says he wouldn't do that. I have prayed for forgiveness everyday for what I have done and truely feel horrible and pain for what I did but after trying to ask him why he slept with the other girls while he was sleeping with me he tells me he don't know and blames it on being young and stupid. I love him so much and feel nothing for D anymore but I am afraid that even though I know my husband loves me very much that he still has some feelings for the other girl because why else after all these years would he have her on his buddy list on myspace? That and the fear that now with our son not being his that he will begin to treat our son differently and after and year or so decide he can't deal with it anymore and leave. I don't know what to do and don't want to be without my husband. After reading your book our relationship has been getting better but now with this it's better but I don't know for how long. What should I do?

I feel sorry for your husband. You have done the worst thing imaginable to him.



This may happen. It is your H's choice if he wants to stay with you or not. It may take him that long to figure it out.


Based on both of your behaviors, I would strongly suggest calling the Harley's immediately.

Good for you choosing to live a honorable life at this time.

I have no clue how to get in contact with Dr. Harley. I have searched this site and maybe I'm just passing it over but how do I email him?

Hi marinemom,

If you are looking for counseling, try the Coaching Center. Here's the link---> Coaching Center Both of Dr. Harley's children, Steve and Jennifer, do marriage coaching. Dr. Harley is available as a resource in a private section here for those that attend a Marriage Builders Weekend Seminar.

I hope this helps point you in the right direction. Welcome to Marriage Builders!

you also might want to cut and paste your story and put it over on GQII. There is much more traffic there.