Look at my thread for the whole story, but synopsis is FWH had planned to go out of town for the day. Then it turned into an overnighter which I was not cool with. Our D17 was going to go with him, but she can't. Yesterday I sent him a text telling him I couldn't feel comfortable with him going alone. He didn't respond. This is what happened today.

He told me this morning that he wasn't going to make the MC meeting because of the drive up north...like it was just a fact. I asked him if he had gotten my text about him not going and he said yes, but that it was too late. He's going.

He says that he has to feed him family. He says that he has to get this certification in order to move forward with him company. He says that I had a window of time where I could tell him that I didn't want him to go and that window has passed. He says that there are too many people involved in making it happen.

I asked him when he was planning to tell me and he said that he was trying to get things done at work this morning so that he could come home and talk with me about it. Bu!!sh*t. He was getting things done this morning so that he could come home, lay it on me, and leave early for San Fran.

I have NO FRIENDS who can watch the kids for me or I would go too. I told him he needs to figure out how I can go. He said, "We'll see." and I said, NO, I didn't ask to be in this position and HE needs to make it work for ME. He says that he didn't ask to be in this position either.

Again I told him that was bu!!sh*t, that when he f*cked OW he had a choice. He said that he didn't choose for his business to be failing. And I told him that had NOTHING to do with the OW. HE IS NOT THE VICTIM HERE...I AM!!!

I also reminded him that he agreed not to go out of town and he says well, he thought I meant for extended times. I told him that I didn't believe anything he has been saying for the past two months if it is only something that he will stick to when it is convenient to him.

I'm DEVASTATED! I have NOBODY here to turn to. NO FRIENDS. NO FAMILY. I'm all alone and I feel like we've just went back to the beginning. I was afraid of this...have I ruined our recovery?

The part about schtuping the OW may have been a bit over the top, but I don't think it's unreasonable given your circumstance.

You told him how you feel, and didn't accept any excuses or blame shifting.

If it set back your recovery, it probably needed to come out, so he gets it, FWIW.

Edited to add:

He is a victim too, but it's a self-inflicted wound, so it's tough for another victim of his actions to have sympathy. So he's a victim too, but only has himself to blame for victimizing himself.

Is it TRUE that he has to get the certification?

You haven't RUINED recovery.

How old are your kids?

Don't you homeschool them?

Why you all can't go?

Yes. He needs it for a job that he has that will bring in a lot of income for us. If he doesn't get the certification, he can't do the job.

He just called me and said, "well, let's just load the kids in the car and go together." He says he has to go. I don't want to do this with the kids because it will be hell (six hours each way with nothing to do tomorrow)...but he says he has to go and this way I'm with him.

HTM,

I understand the feelings that led up to them but you've got to get a handle on the LBs...they're not doing either of you any good.

Do you have a previous history of blowing up at him when he does something you don't like? Could he have been avoiding it?

Remember he's under a lot of pressure too, and he KNEW this would not be popular with you so he's stuck btwn a rock and hard place.

Do you have reason to believe OW will be there?

I'll go back and refresh myself on your sitch, but is there any kind of NC in place?

Did you expose at work?

Well, give him credit for putting a solution on the table that is doable.

If you can't come up with a working solution, you'll have to go with his.

Excellent...not the best, but it shows that he is absolutely taking your needs into account! Do you see that?

Now it's YOUR choice...something you can find comfort in.

I know. I should be glad that he is willing to make this solution possible. It just seems like the whole thing could have been avoided if he had taken my needs into consideration in the first place.

I don't generally blow up with him. That's actually one of my problems at the moment...haven't really tapped into any anger with regard to the A. I get miffed with him sometimes, but I usually keep it pretty calm.

This just blind-sided me because all week he has been pushing me to let him know if I am not comfortable with it and now that I tell him, I'm rewarded with this.

It's like he thought I wouldn't make him skip it and now that I called his bluff, he's upset about it.

I don't think OW will be there. In my mind, I have crazy imaginations...but there is NC and she lives in Oregon and I have checked out the conference already and it is legit.

START PACKING!! YOU MUST GO!! NO EXCUSES!! He's listening to you and supporting you. WONDERFUL!! GO!!

Respond to his SUPPORT of your REQUEST...

I will try to embrace it...it will mean 12 hours of together time in the car. It could be fun.

It will be largely what you make it to be.

It certainly can be fun. My wife and I always enjoy our long car trips together with the kids, even with the bratty behavior that sometimes crops up.

I agree EE...I need to throw a positive spin on it. Especially for the kids. It's a long road trip for them and if we don't make it an "adventure" then it won't be fun for anyone.

I guess I'd better look into free things to do with kids in Concord, CA...and I better clean out the car!

I copied all of these responses to my story thread. Thank you for the immediate response. I feel so cared for here. There are those moments of panic when you are just wandering around the house trying to find someone/something to turn to and this helps.

Thank you. I do need to get packing...we leave in two hours.

YEAH!! I'm so happy for you!!

Thanks, mimi. I guess attitude is EVERYTHING, right?

EXACTLY!! ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!!

and FAITH and TRUST in the LORD..that this is happening for a PURPOSE...He brought you this opportunity for your family to be together.

HE has DELIVERED you ALL from EVIL...

WHAT A BLESSING AND A MIRACLE that we are witnessing here with you...

!!!!!

OK, I consider myself fairly flexible, but if you pull this off, you're a HERO in my eyes!

Go have a GREAT TIME!!