I am new here to the forums but not so new to the MB concepts. I think I printed out every article from the site years ago!

My story is long and miserable, I'm afraid. I just need some people to bounce things off of now and help me get my focus back on what's important.

If there is a better place to get support as the wife of an alcoholic husband, please let me know. Otherwise I'll just stay in this forum.

As my forum name suggests, it's been a long and hard road in my marriage. We're coming up on 20 yrs this year and believe me, I do not feel like celebrating :-(

I'll come back to post more later on as it's late now. But I have questions and thoughts that I need so badly to set down into words. I'm glad you all are here. Thanks.

Welcome. The MB stuff does not work with an active alcoholic, but we have several women in your position posting here. We always suggest Al-anon. Hope you have tried that.

I realize this wasn't the right place to start posting after all! Infidelity isn't an issue (now).

I'll hang out in another forum, but thank you for answering. I have not tried Al-Anon, although I've read many good books on co-dependency over the years. I just don't have time to do meetings, honestly. Although I suppose if push comes to shove and I can't deal with this any other way, I may need to bite the bullet and find a good group locally.

You can stay here! There are SEVERAL Alanons here, along with folks who are in plan B for this very reason. Go read up on ItsJustJulie. Her H is a practicing alcoholic just like yours.

Thank you Melody, I will try and find her threads.

I know this will have you pulling out the "beating head against wall" smiley but....

I have spent all afternoon literally reading here and on an AlAnon forum. With a dinner break of course.

I hate to ask this but seriously, is there something in Marriage Builders that can be done unilaterally? I mean, is there something that could be of some help to me in learning coping skills if I do not leave here?

I keep reading about "detachment" and to be perfectly honest I cannot *see* what that looks like to save my life.

I feel like I'm isolating. I'm sad, depressed and sometimes bitter. I do get over it but then it starts all over again.

I need to cope! I need to learn what detachment looks like IRL, not just a bunch of printed words on a page. Will I find help here with that?

Hey there 20,

I'm glad & sad you're here. Glad cuz there are WONDERFUL people here who CAN and WILL help you even though you're not dealing with infidelity...and sad cuz we didn't sign up for this, did we?

Please, if you can do one thing for yourself, get to an Al-Anon meeting. I resisted for YEARS so I understand how you "don't have the time" but seriously, MB & Al-Anon is my sanity right now. But just one of them isn't/wouldn't be enough. It's hard to put into words, and I can only hope for you that you'll find out on your own.

The one thing that I learned in Al-Anon is that EVERYTHING my H has said to me - in our arguments, our good times, the bad & in-between was taken directly from the script of alcoholics EVERYWHERE! And the one thing I learned here @MB is that although they are not in an "affair", they are just as foggy as those who ARE.

SO, go ahead & read up on all the articles here...but know this: you can NOT Plan A an alcoholic - it doesn't work! I am currently in Plan B, have been since 1/9. It's the hardest thing I've ever done by far. But, with all the bad/loneliness/sadness/guilt/withdrawal/FEAR, there is a calm in my house that never existed before. I can only hope (and I surely pray) that someday my H will join us.

Stick around...we will help. You're not alone. Try some meetings, OK?

Hi Julie! I feel like I know you already. I read your entire thread yesterday - wow. I'm impressed with how much you have learned and how far you've come since Jan.

You sounded like me so many times, I can't tell you. I guess it's true that we all share a lot of common ground, being children or spouses of alcoholics.

I honestly and truly do not have the time to attend the Al Anon meetings near here at this time, but perhaps in the future. I went to two and hated them, but I know there are more and when my schedule eases up I will look for another one. I'm reading all I can and also checking out Al Anon online forums.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Hey SAD,

When this first happened, I went to an alanon meeting and never went back. I would ask you to just consider that if attending an alanon meeting could save YOUR life, would you find the time.

I don't know your whole situation, but I just wanted you to look at that.

No judgements at all, just asking you to consider.