I've read lots of stuff here about spouses having affairs. What about when your husband is unfaithful with a pro, a paid escort?
How do you or can you get past that? It's not an emotional connection but could easily happen again and may have more than once. I just found out my husband was with a paid escort on his day off. He works 4x10's and has Friday's off while I'm at work. Since I'm not here, I have no way of knowing if this has happened before or will again. I haven't talked to him yet, plan to tonight when he gets home. Not sure what to say though. Any advice?

Welcome to MB. I hope you will be able to stay calm when you confront him. He will most likely lie, so that may make you angrier.

I guess I would ask him why, and if he says no sex at home, I would ramp it up - after him getting clearance for STD's. If the SF at home is happening, then you have either a sex addict, or a husband who feels he is entitled to a wife and an escort when wifey is busy working.

How has the marriage been?

We're both on our second marriage. We've been married almost 5 years. From the start he's been browsing singles sites, putting his profile online. Not something I knew before we married. Our sex life has been dwindling of late. Not by my choice though. I've asked him about it and he tells me that he doesn't know what I do on my days off. Accuses me of cheating but I never have. I've come to think that he accuses me of doing what he is.

Sounds like he might be a sex addict. There is a good program on Recovery Nation. Ask him about it.

Other than THAT is he a good husband?

I would be worried about him being a serial cheater, though. It is doubtful that you just caught him the only time.

Can you put a keylogger on the computer and start checking?

Sorry I didn't reply sooner, had to log off because he came home.
Ok, I didn't confront him with the cheating per se. I asked him how to make our marriage work and if he wanted it to. He said yes but, I'm not sure that he means it/is really wanting to try/work on it.
I'm afraid you could be right, he's a serial cheater. That's what broke up his first marriage.
I don't know what to do. I love him !!

It might be better that you didn't tell him. Now you can put on a keylogger and see just how far all of this has gone.

But I do suggest you don't have SF with him until you get to the bottom of this. In fact, I would see a doctor for some tests.

I was going to suggest what Believer did, about the testing, and if you find that you will not abstain, then please consider a barrier for protection. That's my soapbox stand for tonight. Onward...

Update: I did get a keylogger. he's really good about deleting emails because I know more about computers than he does and he's believes I get into his email. That's not totally true, but I do know how to get around his password. With the keylogger, I installed it last Friday, I haven't found any further communications between him and the escort. I had only seen one email between them, Her asking him to post a review on her website in response to him telling her he had enjoyed. I do know, from the keylogger that he has been posting his profile on dating sites. He checks Craigslist for ads and last night wrote in reply to an ad asking to meet the person. I really don't know what to do at this point. It's not like it's an EA, it's purely physical. It may even be an addiction. He's not young, going to be 60 before the year is up. Don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.
By the way, what does SF stand for?
If by that are we intimate, not for months, by his choice. That's part of what's upsetting too. He seems to want anyone but me.

SF=Sexual Fulfillment.

He sounds like he has a sexual addiction.

that's what I'm afraid of. I don't know how to deal with it. I seem to have a talent for picking them. My first husband of 17 years was a compulsive gambler.

How long have you been married to this one?

If he won't go to sex addiction treatment, do you still want him?

It'll be 5 years come August. We've known each other since 2000. We had a long distance relationship for a year, then I moved in with him for a year & 1/2 before getting married.

Oops, didin't see the second question. I'm torn. I love him dearly, but I can't deal with him seeing others. I keep telling myself that it's not emotional, but I don't know if that's better or worse. I've been sick for a week, since I found out. My stomach is in knots. We get along so well together except for this. I really thought this would be forever.

Well, I would keep spying and keep copies and then confront him. If he won't go to sex addiction recovery, then you can decide. Recovery Nation has a great on-line site with a section for partners of sex addicts. You might want to check it out.

believer, you've got mail.

thank you for the info, I'll look into it. At this point I don't have high hopes for him wanting to change, get help. He just says that he doesn't know what I do with my free time and he believes I cheat. I know, he's just trying to make himself feel better about what he's doing but it's hard.

I also recommend you check out S-Anon. It is a 12-step group similar to Al-Anon. It is for the family members of sexaholics. Here is a link to their website.

www.sanon.org

Thank you very much for the info. I'll look into that as well. We've been getting farther and farther apart for a while now. Since I spoke with him the other night, he does seem to be trying to spend more time with me and less with the computer. I hope that's a good sign.