It sounds like you don't need much advice right now - so I'll just say
Good Job !!

Just don't screw this up by gambling or something like that. (grin)

I hope the two of you have a long and happy life together. I hope you have read Harley's "four rules for a successful marriage," and that you will put them into effect.

SS

FWW left mid morning today so I feel a little down. We had the most wonderful time together while she was here. Almost feels like a honeymoon, it scares me a little because I keep thinking when is the first setback going to occur. We were going to fill out EN ?nares last night but to be honest with all the SF we never got around to it.

The nagging feeling about the A continues to bother me several times every hour. We talked about the affair in more detail yesterday than during any previous conversation. I can only seem to be able to take in small amounts during any one conversation. To be honest I simply don't want to know anymore and am sick of it. I know many here think BS needs to know every detail but I am not sure I want to.

While driving yesterday and talking about A, FWW became very emotional, said she doesn't understand why it happened is very ashamed, and wants me to know I am what is important to her and she doesn't care for OM at all. She then got a little upset and said if I can't get over it, perhaps she should not be with anyone. Well enough of that, I pulled the truck over slammed the brakes, took off my sunglasses, looked her sqaure in the eyes and said, she in no way could ever understand my pain and not to ever threaten me in that way again. I explained how much I loved her and wanted us to have a future togther and if I had a few questions that needed answering now and then, she was just going to have to live with it. WOW was she surprised, she apologized affirmed her love for me and that was that.

No doubt we made real recovery progress, what really concerns me is that she has gone through very little withdrawl that I am able to see. Is it possible for a FWW to so quickly get over the A partner. What land mines should I be trying to avoid. Her honesty with me is astounding, but honesty has always been her strongest character trait and probably her #1 or 2 emotional need.

Your situation sounds very promising to me. I've seen better NC letters and I've seen worse. She sent it, and is letting you know when OM attempts contact, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Continue on making changes in yourself and doing what you are doing. You are doing very well. I wouldn't even worry about more details. Some people want them, some don't.

Keep going strong in your recovery. I think the two of you will do just fine.

As for pitfalls, once they are loving again and want to save the marriage, many BS's have regrets - kind of like buyers remorse. Be expecting it and know that it is normal.

Interesting thought about buyers remorse, I suppose I could be feeling a little of that but mostly feel embarrasment and shame. I know I must let FWW own her own affair but I can't help feeling my own actions caused it. It is very difficult to imagine my wife turning her affection to another. I felt today that I only have one of these in me, I couldn't imagine going through this trauma again.

I have really tried to stop dropping weight, my appetite is okay.
I already cancelled my gym membership and joined a gym at our new residence. Haven't worked out for a week other than my own treadmill and the work around the house but I have still dropped another 3 pounds making a total of 50 during the last 4 months.
I needed to drop 30 but this is starting to concern me, I quess the point is, I don't think I could physically go through this again.

FWW is going to try to come back next Thursday if her schedule will allow. Going to be a tough week without her also it will be different being together full time. I know it won't bother me but for her it will be a time of adjustment after living separated all these months. Really need to sell the house but I can't let the house keep me from moving and recovering my marriage.

I think I will be moving to the recovery thread soon as POS OM gives up trying to establish contact. Still would like to rearange his big ugly nose but it would probably improve it.

Lol!

Funny thing about OPs, as a rule, they don't have much to recommend them...making us BS's wonder "what the heck?"

Also Jim, as someone who went through a sustained period of self-doubt and self-recriminations...don't EVER forget that NOTHING you did made her affair OK.

Sure, take this as an opportunity to better yourself, but NEVER take on the guilt, shame or embarrasment as being yours.

My .02

Great work and keep your head held high!!!

L2F

Quote:Funny thing about OPs, as a rule, they don't have much to recommend them...making us BS's wonder "what the heck?"



there is an awesome free e-book called 31 reasons to stop yor affair by Rick Reynolds. One of the 31 reasons states that more often than not, the WS ''affairs down'' meaning the person they chose to have an affair with is not in the same league as the spouse. My H has definatly affaired down. everyone who knows her says she is unattractive, unintellegent and not a bar on me...which is very good for me

Thanks for the kind remarks. Few months ago I wondered how I would ever match up to the OM but as the truth continues to come out it is apparent that FWW really did affair down. Not only is he not attractive, older, grayer, balder, shorter, much uglier he has darker character traits that even FWW now acknowleges.

No doubt he is a true POS which is really beginning to cause FWW much shame when compared to me.

She called last night when right when I went to bed just to let me know how very special I am. Good for me.

Had a really bad dream last night not about A but I woke up hollering and it made me really think of A. Difficult not being with my W, but only 1 more week.

Hey Jim, how far away is FWW?

Can you go see her?

Perhaps she needs to see you too...

Just a thought.

I am on the Eastside right now she on the West only 200 miles. She just left yesterday after spending 2 nights with me, she just phoned a few minutes ago.

L2fly did you tell me you are in OR or WA, would love the chance to meet you sometime?

I'm in Western Wa.

I try not to go east...that's where POS OM and his hag M live (Richland)

My email is L2flymb@yahoo.com

Well I am a little pissed this moment. FWW broke NC last night. Here's what happened; she went out with girlfriend for dinner and a few drinks and drank a little too much. She went back to her office to P/U her car and somebody had sent flowers. That somebody was POS OM, she was pissed and called him and really let him have it. Wanted to know what he didn't understand about it is over and DO NOT contact me. Well cussed him pretty good but let him go on and on and on and on and on rather than tell him Foff and leave me alone forever. So I am pissed and she knows it, told her the next time he attemps contact I will be calling him, she hopes that her response to him will be the end of it we will see.

Jim, sorry for the development, but then I've heard that NC is rarely very cut and dried. At least the nature of the contact was NOT positive, from your FWW's perspective.

However, DO remind her that NC is NC, period, and if HE breaks it again, then she should let YOU respond.

FWW affirmed that she shouldn't have contacted OM but really wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Actually I wish I could have heard because I'm sure it was a real [censored] kicken.

She assures me that I have nothing to worry about and said perhaps she should send another NC letter saying she is returning to her husband. Of course that helped the way I felt but I told her if her call last night does the trick and POS OM stops contact we can leave it at that, otherwise another letter is in order.

I feel I displayed to much of a needy attitude toward her today, I am going to back off a little and let her reach out to me.

Sounds like a great plan Jim...best of luck!

L2F

Funny didn't have to wait long she has called a couple times already. I got off the phone quick, she is probably wondering whats up with him.

Jim, I know you're pissed.

Don't forget that you're still Plan A'ing...that means you don't need to play "games" w/ your W...including denying her what might be one of her top ENs (conversation) by being short w/ her.

A little more Carrot and less Stick, OK?

Did you get snow over there today??

The marriage is recovered!!!!

Well of course with a lot of hard work.

I simply cannot believe the events of this evening. My wonderful wife finally took a stand for our marriage. Early this evening the POS OM showed up at her office, he drove the 200 miles to attempt to get her back into the affair.

She was alone, she had locked the office door and was preparing to go out the back when somebady knocked at the front door. Of course it was him, she couldn't believe it. She opened the door and he immediately started in on how he simply
had to come see her face to face.

She politely told him she was sorry he made such a long trip for nothing. That she had tried to be nice and let him know that she absolutley did not want to see him. He went on and on about how he had never seen anybody like her that she drew him closer to God and how he knew God had a future for them and how he would pay for them to go to counseling to help him overcome his habitual lying and on and on about God this and God that. She said why in the hell would she want to do that.

Well she had had enough, cut him off and said, that she had been married 18 years to me and that in the 5 or 6 months she knew him he had lied to her more than all the years we have been married. Then for the very first time through all of this horrible nightmare she took a stand for me and her marriage. She told him that yes God is in this and God wants for her to reconcile her marriage go back to her husband. WOW!!!!!!!!

She said he was stunned and white as a ghost. Still he attempted to manipulate her and tried to get her to meet him for dinner and simply talk with no pressure. She shut him down affirmed her committment to her marriage said sorry he made a trip for nothing and asked him to leave. He them asked if he could hug her she said NO! asked if he could hold her hand she said NO! (can you believe this CREEP!!!~~!!~) Then said so I quess there is nothing for us? she said yes thats right. Then he left. There was some additional BS from him of course but that is the meat of it.

Wonderful thing is she said she felt absolutely nothing for him when she looked him in the eye. She tells me she feels great about it. I finally have recieved what I needed to know that my wonderful wife is in this recovery with me 100%. I know the marriage is not recovered but I also know that I have a partner thats wants us to recover and that she carried a large load of the recovery all by herself today. She was totally alone and nobody would have ever known but she did the right thing for me and our marriage.

I am a very happy man, as well as very humbled and grateful to my Lord and Saviour who loved me when I was unlovable and was there for when I was all alone and hurt beyond belief. I love Him with all that is within me and I love my wife more than mere words can explain.

Thanks to my marriage builder friends who have been there for me in the wee hours of the morning when sleep was a stranger and tears were my constant friend

I will be moving to the recovery thread tomorrow

God Bless

Congrats Jim!!!!

That is wonderful news!

God bless you and sleep well my friend.

L2F

Just an update

Nothing earth shattering since POS OM showed up. I do sense that on Monday and Tuesday that we didn't seem to connect could be some withdrawl but today seemed fine.

I am leaving with DS7 on Friday YAAAAAA I hate this town and so miss my friends esp my FWW.

I have been texting some nice love notes and poems a few times a day just to let her know I care and to meet some EN.
These are a few of the responses I received

1. That is sooo sweet
2. I think your special
3. Thank you honey, that is so sweet. You R really helping my heart to change
4. Me too, I love you
5. Thank you for the special words
6. How precious you send the most beautiful words. They mean a lot to me. Thank you for expressing your love for me.
7. That means a great deal to me.
8. You sure come up with things to send me Thank You

and some various other responses.
Feels great to court my wife again and have her receive it.

Again it pisses me off to think on what we have missed out on the last 5 years.

[HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold
her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her.
Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in
her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her.
Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters
to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:
Show up naked. Bring chicken
wings. Don't block the TV]


Got this from FWW, funny as I thought at first she was really giving me some profound advice on how to meet EN.

I responded, that I am much easier, she could forget the wings and TV