Put a smile on your face and be calm. Ignore it if he starts babbling, and just listen. Don't try to reason or argue.

And don't call the OW names - all that does is make him defend her.

He just left, and I think it went pretty well. I didn't do any LBers or be mean or mention OW. I asked if he had found a place to stay, and he said not a permanent one yet.

He was irritated that he couldn't get any $ out of our new savings account, because it is a joint account, and apparently I only activated his portion, not mine. So they have to mail me a new PIN and then we can deal with splitting up the savings.

He was polite, and actually talked to me a little about daily life stuff. He isn't sure where he is going to be staying yet (hmm, I wonder where he will end up...), and he is going to be getting a storage unit for all of his stuff.

It was really sad to see him taking his stuff out of the apartment, but I tried to be cheerful and pleasant, and not upset. I asked him for a hug when he left, and he said sure. I asked if he might be interested in having dinner sometime later in the week, and he said he thought that might be fun, and he would let me know what his schedule was.

So...I guess that is a start. I am going to keep in touch with him (what I have been up to, etc.) through emails, just general stuff. We'll see how it goes. This is a step up from mean and hurtful, and also a step up from indifferent.

Thanks so much everyone for your support through this emotional time for me. I don't know what I would do if I hadn't found MB.

I am off to take H's sister (15 years old) to the mall.

Well, today is a new day...

WH is actually IMing with me today from work. One of the people I have been talking to for support apparently has been telling WH's friend everything, so everything is getting back to WH. He is kind of gloating about it right now...I simply thanked him for letting me know that I could not trust that person, and I will no longer confide in them.

It is so hard to know who your allies are in this. WH knew I was moving back to the apartment beforehand. :'(

He is telling me I need to "keep my cards closer to much chest" and not let people know what I am doing...

Should I still expose to OW's mom and father? I have no idea what to say. Any help, please?

WH just IMed me and told me that he and OW were officially a "couple". This is so hard, this is killing me. I know this is the best thing, for them to get reality in the relationship.

We had talked about maybe going to dinner later in the week, and now WH says he doesn't think that that would be in his best interests.

:'( :'(


I know this is what was going to happen, I should have been prepared...why does it still hurt so much????

WS's are evil. I wouldn't be surprised if he was pretended to know much more than he actually knew.

The trick is to not fall for these emotional traps that the WSs set for you: the ones that tend to bring out the worst in you. Sometimes the best response is no response at all.

And yes, you should still expose.

RedBerries, I'm going to ask you one question: why do you want to recover your M with your WH? Do you think that eventually you will get the love, trust and commitment from him to have a really good M?

If not, then the time to get out is NOW. There are no children involved, no major joint assets I suspect, and only five years' of your life invested in him. Take this from someone with two children and a significant amount of joint assets who's had to go through this a second time because he passed up the opportunity to walk away the first time it happened, when there was significantly less binding us together and I thought that "I love her" would be enough to get us through.

I made a committment to him, and I don't want to ever feel guilty for not doing everything in my power to save the M. I still love him very much.

I am thinking that I am going to expose to the last two people on my list (OW's mother and father), and then do to Plan B. I don't know though....I know that OW will not want him around me to be meeting any ENs. What should I do???

I was thinking of laying low, and sending emails, etc, maybe bringing his favorite Starbucks to his work and leaving it with the secretary, etc.

Or should I just go to Plan B?

Hi Redberries, I think it is way too early for you to go to Plan B. Stick with Plan A for awhile. Have you read the carrot and the stick of Plan A? One of the things is NO relationship talk when you're with him. That's just inviting hurt at this point because you're dealing with a WS and not your husband.

Your thread caught my eye because you mentioned that you and your husband are Christians and that your husband even had a youth ministry calling. My husband (FWH) also ran from God and had two affairs while he was gone. I lost my husband, my home, my car, my job and my dignity-- everything! I didn't know about MB or I would have been saved a world of hurt instead of trying to muddle through on my own.

If you can't find the thread I'm talking about I'll try and find it for you.

(((Redberries)))

BTW: My husband came back home and is now a full-time student in Bible School, studying for the ministry.

Thanks for the encouragement, Princessmeggy. I am trying to still have hope...right now it is easier to have faith than hope...

How are you holding up today? I saw that your MIL will expose the affair to OW's parent. That is good.

Have you got the house all spiffed up?

I am doing better. I have been working somewhat on the house, but have also been going out with friends to try to take my mind off of things. I also think my WH knows I post here and is reading things...he seems to know some of the stuff I am going to do before it happens???

Is there nowhere safe for me to vent?