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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Leaving early

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Leaving early #2048963 04/28/08 08:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 24 B benc Junior Member
benc Junior Member B Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 24	So I decided to cut my visit short. My brother convinced me the place I need to be is home so I'm headed back on wed. night. I think I need to keep the conversation to a minimum that night, go to work on thurs. and maybe talk thurs. night. WS has her first therapy appt. on that day. I know things can't be resolved in one session but I'm hoping the therapist can put things into perspective for her. We should find out when our first appointment will be as well. I had a few dark hours earlier, everything seemed so hopeless, but I'm starting to see the light again. I just need to keep my chin up and keep telling myself that I'm a good man and I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Wish me luck. Ben

Re: Leaving early benc #2048970 04/28/08 08:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	benc, I hate to tell you this, but the fact that she is going to a "therapist" is not good news. More than likely you can expect the therapist to coach her to seek her own personal interests at the expense of your marriage. Most often, they recommend "separation" which is devastating to marriages - and very bad advice. IC's are typcially not good for marriages and don't have the slightest idea about the dynamics of infidelity. They cause more harm than good I am sad to say. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Leaving early MelodyLane #2048971 04/28/08 08:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	p.s. i do think its good that you are coming home early. I hope you follow my advice to not cooperate with any separation schemes. And be sure and clear a spot in your garage so she has a place to go when she needs "space." Maybe put a nice chair and a floor heater out there for her. Maybe a PINK chair! "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Leaving early MelodyLane #2048972 04/28/08 08:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 24 B benc Junior Member
benc Junior Member B Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 24	Originally Posted by MelodyLane benc, I hate to tell you this, but the fact that she is going to a "therapist" is not good news. More than likely you can expect the therapist to coach her to seek her own personal interests at the expense of your marriage. Most often, they recommend "separation" which is devastating to marriages - and very bad advice. IC's are typcially not good for marriages and don't have the slightest idea about the dynamics of infidelity. They cause more harm than good I am sad to say. I'm hoping this is not going to be the case since this therapist is also a MC but I see what you mean. We're going to see her together as well but believe me if I don't like what I hear I will demand to see another MC.

Re: Leaving early MelodyLane #2048973 04/28/08 08:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 24 B benc Junior Member
benc Junior Member B Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 24	Originally Posted by MelodyLane p.s. i do think its good that you are coming home early. I hope you follow my advice to not cooperate with any separation schemes. And be sure and clear a spot in your garage so she has a place to go when she needs "space." Maybe put a nice chair and a floor heater out there for her. Maybe a PINK chair! I will, no seperation until I give plan a a chance

Re: Leaving early benc #2048975 04/28/08 08:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by benc I'm hoping this is not going to be the case since this therapist is also a MC but I see what you mean. We're going to see her together as well but believe me if I don't like what I hear I will demand to see another MC. I would ask her about her experience in saving marriages and what she knows about the mindset of a wayward spouse. Ask her what she knows about Marriage Builders principles. If she starts telling you to ignore the affair to "work on the marriage" or that you should "separate" to get some space, then run for your life. Another red flag is diverting atttention to "childhood issues;" a complete and total waste of time. Marriage counseling has the most DISMAL track record of ALL counseling disciplines, with a 84% FAILURE rate. Most don't have the slightest idea how to save a marriage and are not even pro-marriage. Be careful. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

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