Hi,

Its been a while since I've been here and I can see that the board has changed quite abit.

I have been having a lot of quiet time. WH is now almost WXH. He agreed to a settlement and everything has been worked out. He is supposed to sign off and then we wait 6 months for it to be final. Under the arrangements I get custody of the kids and we stay in the house. He will continue with the minatenance and mortgage payments. He gets the kids every other weekend and half the school holidays. Problem though is that he still onl picks them up every other Saturday and has no indicated that he will take them over the holidays which have just begun. I don't see him much now (which is okay for me)but I'll just send an email to remind him of this.

Otherwise I'm doing much better now. i'm concentrating on healing and rebuilding my life.

Thanks to all of you for the support.

Take care

Lakeri

(((Lakeri))) Is he still with OW?

Hi,

Yes he is still with the OW. Well at least they still live together. I don't know how things are going there because I don't hear much about them any more.

I did hear about two or three months ago that he was seeing someone else at work but I don't know much about it. He takes the kids out on his own most of the time. I think they've only been out with the OW once this year and he was ill at the time. He doesn't take them over to his house as much as I would have thought he would. That's why I thought it a bit strange that he wasn't jumping over himself to take them for the holidays since he was the one who insisted on that before he would sign any papers. He even asked me to meet him to dicuss that and make sure that I was willing to let him take them for the holidays. Sometimes I feel that he knew having the kids around the OW was a sticky point for me and he thought that if he insisted on that I wouldn't go through with the divorce. Well it is a sticky point for me but I had reached a point where I didn't think there was much left of our marriage to salvage and for my own well being and also to save whatever we had left of a relationship it would be best to let go.

The last few months have been calmer for me and I am now able to concentrate on myself, my kids and my home. I really feel that I am getting my life in order. Its lonely having to do things on my own and no one to share things about the children with but I am adjusting and I prefer to be on my own for a while.

So as for my WH I will just lethim live his life the way he has chosen.

Awesome. You have come so far. It is similar to the saying "never shield a wayward from the consequences of their decisions"

Hello all,

I haven't written since May although I have been checking in.

The last time I was here I was working on the last stages of my divorce. Since then, we had a meeting with the lawyers and agreed on all the details and we were supposed to sign the agreement and have it filed in Court. I did my part and the agreement was sent to my soon to be WXH. That was in June, he hasn't signed up to now. When I asked in July, he said he was still doing some other stuff.

He changed jobs around that time. It appears the last employer asked him to leave. I'm not sure why but there were stories earlier of an office affair but I'm not sure about that. It appears though that he had a lot of issues there professionally. Anyway he calls me to meet and asks me if I am behind his leaving. His actual question was that there are people out to get him and that he wanted to know if I was part of the plot. I found this hilarious, shocking but also maddening. I have neither the desire nor the time to go around plotting against him and I told him as much. I was just shocked that he had the audacity to ask me.

Well anyway my point of writing this is that as things stand we are still married and there is no indication that he intends to sign the papers, he still lives with the OW and their child. He sees the kids every other Saturday (even though he's supposed to have them the whole weekend) but they never sleep over. His mother is now all chummy with the OW so I really see no point of a reconciliation. What I don't understand is why he's stalling with the divorce. We don't even see each other anymore (I try not to be there when he picks the kids) Its getting quite frustrating now. I did date someone for a while, but I ended it because I couldn't commit fully seeing as I was still married and I didn't feel like I was ready yet for a relationship. So I am in no particular rush for the divorce but he (I presumed) would have been. I also just find the whole situation very insulting because he has told the whole world that he no longer wants to be with me and that I am the one clinging on yet in actual fact he's the one doing it. I could proceed in court but it would be costly and ugly and frankly I thought I had this all behind me and that we had settled it maturely. I'm very surprised at his behaviour. At this point what do you think I should do now?

L

MAYBE YOU CAN EXPLAIN IT TO HIM THAT IF HE FORCES YOU TO PROCEED THRU (oopps sorry cap key) the court system, you will also be asking HIM to pay any future court costs.

after all you both met and came to an agreement and he is living with his now pregnant new gf. what judge in his right mind wouldn't agree to that stipulation for you?

Hey lakeri! Nice to see you. My guess is he won't sign the D papers cuz it is his LAST excuse to not marry the OWhore.

I think that FF may be right. If he did divorce what would his excuse be to her for not marrying her?

It could be that he just doesn't want to lose the last string that attaches you two. Do you think that he might want to finally come home? Would you take him after all this?

I wish you peace.

CN

Hi all,

Sorry I didn't get back sooner.

CN and FF, I guess you are right and I am not expecting the papers to be signed soon unless he surprises me. The whole process has kind of lost momentum and would probably need a push from me before anything happens.

Actually just last weekend a friend of mine whose sister is the OW's best friend said the same thing. She said that she didn't think he was ready to make any serious commitment to the OW and that they probably just never discussed what would happen if they got to this point and they are probably all not willing to have that discussion because, well you just can't know where that will go.. well those were her thoughts and I don't know if that is the case. It was really in regard to custody and visitation anyway because my WH had pushed to have the kids every other weekend and half the holidays. When I agreed to this he seemed surprised and now he has never taken them for more than an afternoon unless he's taking them out of town and away from home. I guess he just hadn't figured out what exactly was going to happen once we were divorced or the implications of all his choices. Maybe they're not that exciting after all.

Whether or not I wold take him back?..... a year ago, maybe even six months ago I would have said probably yes. I was willing to give it a try. Right now I'm not so sure anymore. I have been on my own for close to 3 years now and I have adjusted to that. I no longer feel that I need someone in my life and I think I could probably go on like this until I find someone who is actually worth the commitment. Also from the little I have heard I'm not sure that he has changed in anyway. I don't think he has learnt much and I would have no guarantee that he would not cheat again. He just hasn't shown any sign that he would be ready to do the hardwork in a relationship.

Anyway he has not given any indication that he would want to come back, so I guess that is all hypothetical.

I hope that you are all well and thanks for the messages,

Lakeri