My wife of 7 years has been having an affair recently. She had agreed to break with him, but after that has seen him again. It's rather out in the open with our families, our 4 children ( 7, 3, 2, 0) don't know yet. The OM and 3 daughters (15, 13, 10) and she has gotten attached to them, they don't know she's married.

However this morning I called the OM's house and told his 15 year old daughter that if she sees my wife there again to ask her to go home to her husband and 4 kids. Needless to say the OM and my wife are severely upset with me atm. And I've been ordered out of our house.

Any advise, or support? Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, however I need all the leverage I can muster and I care more about my wife than his kids.

The OM can go pound sand.

Your wife knew this could happen and did it anyway.


It was the only thing you had left to use.


Is he married or divorced?

Don't leave your house. Their affair caused the problem, not your phone call.

Do not leave your house. Exposure is a powerful tool. Do not be snowed into thinking that you sharing the truth about thier adultery is wrong. THEY have to face the consequences of their actions. If they are upset that his children know the truth, then they need to think about why the truth is upsetting.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!

Read everything you can about Plan A and begin to implement it, tell us your whole story so we can help you develop and implement a plan. It is time to stop acting from emotions and start thinking before acting.

Sorry you are here, but you found the right place.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME!!!!

He's twice divorced. His first marriage is a pretty close mirror to what's going on in ours. I'll post my story and link it here a bit latter today. Thank the Lord it's a slow day in the office.

If your WW actually tried to order you out of your own home, I strongly suggest you be on your guard for any attempts on her part to get you thrown out (e.g. complaints of abuse to the police, etc.). You may want to contact a lawyer to examine your legal options, and it's probably best to do this while you are in the home, not after you've been forced out by the authorities.

BTW - I think you did great by exposing the A to the OM's child.

Ok I haven't gotten it done yet. I'll try again later, it's been busy.

please also post your story in General Questions 11, where there is lots of traffic. The other folks are right, don't leave your home. You have done nothing wrong and HAVE NO REASON TO LEAVE. If your wife wants to separate, she is free to leave.......without the kids. If you leave then you will be facilitating the affair.

As far as telling the OM's DD, What is it you supposedly did wrong? He is embarrassed because he is having an affair and somehow YOU are the bad guy? ummmmmmmm no. If he doesn't want his shabby behavior exposed, then the answer is to STOP doing it. It is not your obligation to help him hide his dirty secret.

In addition to informing his children, I would suggest that you also expose to his PARENTS and his employer if this is a workplace affair. EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW.

p.s. his DD is hurt by his AFFAIR, not you. Only an insane person would blame the messenger for the affair instead of the infidel. Dr Harley is a strong advocate of telling children anyway. The OMW should have told them the truth.

Here is a post I wrote last year:

Men, don’t leave your homes!

I think this deserves its own thread since it seems to be a fairly common problem….for MEN. About once a month a newcomer will show up here who has left his own home at the behest of a wayward wife in an active affair. She asks him to leave so she can “have space” and “think about the marriage.” The poor devastated soul usually believes that appeasing her will save his marriage. It is the EXACT OPPOSITE. She is asking him to move out so she can carry on her affair without his interference.

Moving out only serves to ENABLE the affair at the expense of his own marriage and children’s security. The WW is now free to carry on her affair from the safety and comfort of her own home. It is not uncommon for her to actually INVITE the OM into the home and introduce him to the children.

She often has fantasies of replacing you with the OM. Of course, the BS is still paying the mortgage so he is, in effect, not only enabling the affair but FINANCING it. Otherwise known as the ContributeToYourOwnDemise Program.

Some reasons why moving out is dangerous:

1. It enables the affair
2. It is viewed as abandonment by many courts
3. Separation INCREASES the risk of divorce and impedes chances of recovery [you can’t recover if you aren’t there!]
4. Many men – on this very forum – have had to get COURT ORDERS just to get back into their own homes
5. Children are exposed to affair partner, which is morally confusing and increases the odds they will be sexually molested/abuse
6. It is DEVASTATING to children! Your children need you now more than ever. You are ALL THEY HAVE since their mother’s brain has been abducted by aliens.

In short, moving out is always a huge mistake unless it is to effect Plan B.

I am always baffled about why men will do this, because a woman would never consider sacrificing her own home and her children because her husband was in an affair and wanted some “space.” The only way I would leave is if my husband’s pistol was BIGGER than mine! Even at that, I am a better shot than him, so that might not even do it. It might take a SWAT TEAM!

If your wayward wife asks you to move out so she can “have space,” suggest she either go in the bathroom and shut the door or be a gentleman and clean out a corner in your garage for her. But, whatever you do, DON’T LEAVE YOUR HOME, GUYS!!

If you have fallen for this manipulation tactic and left your home, don’t despair. The mistake is usually easily corrected by packing your bag and GOING HOME NOW. No warning, no nothing. Just get in the car and go home and move right back into your OWN BED. When you walk in simply say “HI HONEY, I AM HOME!!” and give her a smile and a peck on the cheek. If she objects tell her you live there and intend to stay. SMILE.

I'm still at home, she changed her mind. I'll talk to her before I post anything else here, we're working hard to be completely transparent both ways.

How long was the affair?

TFMM, don't YOU be transparent until she has ended her affair and she is committed to recovery. You will need to continue to snoop until she restores trust.