Please excuse this TJ, but PM there's someone who you were posting to, who would like to keep hearing from you. Their new id is lildoggie and I started an OT thread "The Snake" where that person hopefully won't be found. Do you think you can advise on that thread, please, even though identifying details are left out?

ETA: You have to get past the first "fluff" posts.

People don't bother you when you draw open fields, bunnies and rainbows.

Nobody has problems with rainbows.

Removed in the interest of saving pandas around the world from the terrible use of excessive amounts of vowels and verbs.

Save the Pandas and end climate change. Let the climate stay the same daily!

words words words. very nicely expressed "words".

Meaning is found in what she does does does. I was an accessory in my mother's life, instead of a beautiful soul in and of her own right.

Your children are her accessory - not in word, but in what she does or doesn't do. Like a pair of earrings she puts on or leaves in the jewelry box, locked away from the father they love and who loves them... She doesn't want you wearing her earrings...

When what she does matches the words she writes - that her children are no longer a pawn to be moved away from you - when you are no longer disposable and replaceable in her mind in their lives, then you can read what she writes. Until then, nothing she writes will have meaning, but should be forwarded unread to an intermediary or your lawyer.

Kayla,

Thanks so much for your thoughts.

I wish I could say more.

pom

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I'm sorry your ex is putting you through this. Of course you want to spend time with your kids!

I had a great night last night.

I recently injured my shoulder pushing my boys around. The pain was so bad that I decided, for the first time in years, to go get massage therapy.

My goodness! Who needs a counselor and ADs when you could do that every day!

Well, actually I can't afford to do that every day, but it really relaxed me and helped my shoulder pain.

I immediately followed with my therapist. It was a great session.

She wants me to make a conscience choice to put the past behind me. She says that I've done a great deal of healing on my own but that she can help me accelerate that with a big IF.

She can help me IF I make the decision to consciously accept that I suffered a great injustice with exww, chalk it up to a life experience, and not talk about it anymore to anyone.

I asked her about MB and she said it's good for me to help others, but to do it in a way that I don't talk about my own situation.

So my posts are likely to change. My goal is to not have emails like the one my ex sent the other day affect me anymore or "stir up" feelings of any kind.

I want to reduce her emails to the same status I give my bills: Something I can't ignore, but I address it on the spot and forget about it afterwards and not dwell on them.

So I'm walking around the 5 sided prison today (the Pentagon) and I run into a classmate of mine from the AF Academy AND from pilot training. He was and still is an awesome guy.

We went and sat and caught up. He was very surprised to see me since I'm walking around in a tie and button up shirt and look very "business".

We swapped flying stories and war stories and talked about all kinds of things. He was a bit surprised about the very brief synopsis I gave him regarding what happened and how I ended up as a civilian.

It was great to run into him.

So now I know what I'm going to do when I have to face lawyers, exww, and lots of stress: Massage right before!

That will make me cool as a cucumber going into things.

I'm glad to see a post here with a happy ending...

I'm so happy you had a great night and some good things are happening in your life. You deserve it!

I love your panda/climate change comments. LOL befuddle befuddle befuddle.

Massage rules.

Ever tried yoga?

No I haven't. Expensive?

I don't come here much anymore.
My life is so much better now, than it was before.
I have been divorced for 5 years now, and happily married to my new H for 3 years. At this point. I rarely think of my WxH any longer. We rarely communicate - my oldest is away at college, younget is 17 and just talks to his father direct. I no longer waste my time going over every detail of my first M, trying to figure out what I did wrong. Consequently, I have found other web sites to visit these days!
However, we received some horrible news yesterday, which has me back here looking for help, and when I read your story I knew I had to post.

My new H has a 21 year old son who is married, has 2 children, is in the Marine Corps, and currently in Afghanistan. He has only been there a couple of weeks. When he called his wife the other day, she told him she wants a D. She said she is done "trying to make things work with him", she has "papers for him to sign" and needs to know where she can send them.

He called his Dad, histerical. We have talked to her, and basically, she says that she does not like the way he treats her, and she just wants to get a D and move on.

She has not confessed to a boyfriend yet, but there is no doubt in mind that she has one. I suspect that is why she is in such a hurry to get the D, so she can openly "date".

She is still living on base with their 2 kids - ages 1 and 4.

I would love to get some military insight.

It seems like she did the worst thing possilbe - telling him this when he still has 7 motnhs over there. But perhaps it is worse to wait until he gets off the plane, expecting a warm welcome, and gets this bomb dropped instead.

Also interesting to me - I have checked her My Space page and it is still full of hearts and love poems and pictures of her H, talf of how much she loves him, how proud she is to be a Marine wife, etc.

Womanoffaith5,

I'm fairly sure that your (step)son will be able to delay the proceedings until such time as he returns to the states. He does NOT have to sign off on the divorce from Afghanastan. I seem to recall that he'll have to file a form with the court indicating that he wishes to exercise such right.

Also...tell your (step)son to mind his integrity. He's likely over the next 7 months to himself engage in adultery with the knowledge his wife is apparently divorcing him. The sympathy he'll get from female comrades will be overwhelming. Emotional men are like flypaper to desparate women. He'll need to be reminded about the importance of remaining faithful to his vows regardless. Married is married.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - Hey Pom...good posts.

My therapist says that posting on MB could hold me back from putting things behind me and that I should take a vacation from it for a while. She says I don't have to give it up forever, but that being here and getting involved in other's situations sort of keeps me stuck.

I really like helping others in this forum, but I'm seriously thinking about what she's telling me and about how much I post.

She says that I need hard training to let go of thinking of "stinking thinking" and things such as the ongoing legal stuff with my ex or what she did in the past or what her intentions against me are.

She says that I need to focus on what is beautiful in life and start looking for it. Told me to think about flying again for fun and going swing dancing again.

I'd love to, but those things cost money.

Any thoughts?

Sorry for extending the threadjack...


Mr.W is correct. There is a federal law that allows active duty servicemen to delay these kinds of court proceedings until they return, and it was passed with the direct intention of protecting servicemen serving overseas from being divorced from afar by unfaithful spouses.

Bill Clinton, in fact, argued that this law applied to him - he claimed that as Commander-in-Chief, he was a member of the military and therefore he was entitled to delay the Paula Jones sexual harrasment lawsuit until he left office. (If I recall correctly, the Supreme Court ruled otherwise.)

I think it's entirely possible to let yourself get stuck in the negative feelings when reading through all the other posts and threads on MB.

That said, I also believe it's possible to avail yourself of the support that MB can give without exposing yourself to those parts that might trigger negativity.

Start a journal/blog thread or use one your already have to start doing this. Post about what's going on in your life and ask for help and advice, while avoiding roaming into threads that will put you back into a hurt and angry state of mind.

This will keep you in contact with your MB support group and leave you a life line of sorts without holding your back from your personal recovery.

As far as things to do with your spare time, I lucked out in that category. I had a whole team of dear friends that passed me around like a sick puppy. One got me to join his bowling league; another had me out of beer and billiards every tuesday; an older couple that are like parents to me had me over for a meal after church every Wednesday and Sunday; another friend with kids the same age had us over every other Saturday to play on a large backyard jungle gym I had helped build. All fairly cheap or free.

One of the best cheapest things I did for myself was buying a new football and frisbee and making time to take my kids to the park several times a week when I had always made the excuse of being too busy and too tired before.

I also, at one time or another, was involved in a pool league, a softball team, and a basketball team, which were all fairly low coast.

I think flying is a good idea if you can swing the expense. Anything that gets you out in the sunshine.

Would be possible to become a part time flying instructor? Weekends maybe? Get someone to pay you to fly.

It's possible down the road, perhaps. My CS payment prevents me from doing much of anything right now since I simply break even and the ex refuses to have it recalculated (was supposed to happen many months ago).

So I've learned to simply be broke and do things without money.

There's been many trips to the DC museums in my hybrid.

They are good date locations.

Has anyone seen, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"?

It was a very funny movie. I was that guy in so many ways.

I feel that I'm at the end of the movie now, where he's living again and enjoying life and events and doing things with others.

No hot lady to help me forget the past, though. Still working on that one.