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there is nothing wrong with being romantic.
and it sounds to me like your wife realizes just how darn lucky she is.
geez, pressure pressure... leave poor medc alone! LOL
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Now it's the oooh-oooh-baby site
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Now it's the oooh-oooh-baby siteLOL LOL LOL - Good one Pep!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I'm glad that somebody got something positive out of one of my topics!  Whoda thunk it?
Divorced
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why yes krazy, there are just positive vibes all over the place here aren't there?? i hope you have some positive vibes coming your way too  mlhb
Last edited by mlhb; 05/02/08 12:34 PM. Reason: the use of proper english would have been nice on my part
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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My W has no idea that I post here...she doesn't even know the site exists.
I talked to her about how I felt until I was blue in the face. She listened, and cared, and offered to help however she could.
She could do nothing, unless she had the ability to invent a time machine and change the past.
It's been about 670 days since d-day for me. I could've discussed how sad or angry I was at least 670 times since then...probably more like twice that, at least, since I am both sad and angry about the A at least once per day. Who would want to hear that at least 1,340 times in 22 months?
So, I bottle it up as best I can. It boils over now and then, but it's better than looking even more pathetic than I feel.
Yeah, I think being a BS is humiliating. I feel like if I had the guts or any nerve at all, I'd already be divorced. Self-esteem and pride are 2 things I've had none of since d-day. I just try to hide it, because nothing my FWW has ever said or done in R has made me feel better about our situation. Krazy, I was pretty stunned by this. If anyone here deserves to have a spouse that is fully on board with recovery using the MB principals it is you. The fact that you have made it 2 years past Dday speaks volumes about your strength. I can say this speaking from experience. Before I met LaLa, I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with another man. I only lasted 5 days before I moved out and never spoke to her again. Probably a big part of the reason I have struggled so much now that infidelity has touched my marriage also. The thing is Krazy, that you have already made it this far. Why not see it through to the end? Why not sit Mrs. Krazy down and make a push to change what hasn't worked so far? I never thought that my life revolving around my family could be a bad thing....I certainly never thought I would suffer for it, like I am now. I gave my life to her, willingly, and it meant nothing. As LaLa said, I know exactly how you feel. I have affectionately labeled this as "WTF Syndrome." There is no doubt that it is extremely difficult to overcome this feeling, but I absolutely believe that under the right circumstances, with 2 people who love one another working together, you can get past it. We are doing it one day at a time, in baby steps and I believe that you had your DW could do the same. Why else would any of us be here if it wasn't possible. This is one of those days when I feel like such a schmuck for staying. I see no schmuck here. I see a man that obviously still loves his wife very much in spite of her mistakes. What I see is someone that is a hero for enduring circumstances that would make most men fold like a house of cards. Give yourself more credit than that. So, Krazy, what's your plan to get your recovery back on track? Want2Stay Krazy, Sorry to have derailed your thread so much. I still think there has been a lot of helpful information in it that you could use. Still wondering what you think of bringing Mrs. Krazy on board? Are you on AD's. Do you have a plan to try and get things back on track? Want2Stay
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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I don't have the internet at home...it's currently banned...but I don't think I'd want Mrs. Krazy on here...she has another person or two to talk with about her problems, but I don't have anyone. This site is MINE!  No, I'm not on AD's. I'd like to get by without them, if I can. The last thing I need is unwanted "side effects" that many AD's seem to bring on. I don't have a well thought-out plan...just trying to get by one day at a time and gradually heal... very gradually. Don't worry about the threadjack...I'm glad others are having fun on it.
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Krazy,
This may sound CRAZY, but have you considered just having some make-out sessions with the wife? Not going all out for a little while; working within a comfort zone. Also, when you do trigger, asking your wife to hold you, and giving yourself to that, to being held? I dunno, this could help to build the trust and love. Sex is great, but what leads up to it can be very intimate, not to mention helps to build the tension.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Krazy,
Regardless of where your M goes from here, I just wanted you to know that you have been a stellar guy who didn't walk out on his M when he had all the reason in the world to do so.
There are some on this forum who consider this weak, but I rather view this as a man who has been beaten to dust, and rises up again and refuses to surrender. That's stenghth in my book.
DO NOT PUT A TIMELINE LIKE TWO YEARS ON YOUR RECOVERY
This is the biggest and falsely advocated position put forth on this forum. I am approaching 6 years since DDay. I am here to tell you, your timeline is as unique as your fingerprint. Don't be corraled into to the 2 year time thing. It's not necessarily true for you(or me for that matter).
Day by day is OK for now but, at some point, you will have to sit down with yourself and put down some goals on paper. Your FWW will at some point, have to become a part of this. You have been floundering, but, nonetheless, you stay. KUDOS!
When you're ready, let me know please, if I can help.
If you need my email, let me know.
All Blessings,
Jerry
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Thanks for the encouraging words!
I sure don't feel strong for staying. I almost felt like I didn't have a choice. I felt obligated to give it my best shot, even though I didn't create this mess.
I keep telling myself I'm strong for staying, and that I'm not weak for cutting her loose that day and never looking back.
I've accepted that I'll never look at my W the same way again. I've begun to accept that if I live to be 100, I'll probably think about the A at least once every single day. My mood will dip at least once every day...some days more than others. I think that no matter how good life may be in the future, there will always be this black cloud. It will never go away. It will always be there to bring me down at least a little. I hope it will continue to lessen over time.
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((((((hugs))))))K71 I truely understand your pain. I didn't have the visual you did, but I knew much much more than any BS should ever know. And it took me a looooong time to recover myself. Yes, I believe you are very courageous to salvage your M and take care of your children. But I can tell you that time WILL help, the pain will get less, and there will be days in the future when you do NOT have that visual. I don't know. I have moved a long ways away from where this happpened. I mean we have moved to a different area. The other side of the state. I wonder if that might help you. It did help me. I am much better. A LOT better. You are in my prayers. I know your pain. When there is trauma like you have suffered I believe it is much harder to reconcile and recover. I have no advice, just a lot of empathy. I understand your anger. I hope you feel better soon. In the meantime, vent here. IC helps tremendously. Love in Christ, Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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I've accepted that I'll never look at my W the same way again. I've begun to accept that if I live to be 100, I'll probably think about the A at least once every single day. My mood will dip at least once every day...some days more than others. I think that no matter how good life may be in the future, there will always be this black cloud. It will never go away. It will always be there to bring me down at least a little. I hope it will continue to lessen over time Welcolm to my world!  And the world of so many other BS's including it would seem is Bob P. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I and other bs's feel for you and empathize everthing you are feeling. We should get together and go fishing! All Blessings, Jerry
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Krazy just wanted to say that "i" think you are sounding better all the time.
SC
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Krazy, I don't think I'd want Mrs. Krazy on here...she has another person or two to talk with about her problems, but I don't have anyone. This site is MINE! I understand where you are coming from because I don't have anyone to talk to either. Just the friends I have made here at MB. I'm a very private person and I don't have any friends close enough that I could confide in. I still believe it is a bad idea to keep MB all to yourself. IMHO, the potential benefits far outweigh the risks. I was here for 5 months before LaLa came to MB. With the trauma you suffered through, your DW should be fully on board with helping you heal and recovering your M using the MB principals. It wasn't until my DW came to MB and realized through reading other BS's stories how painful infidelity is that her entire view changed. She began to see my reactions and emotions differently. Her understanding, support and empathy for what I'm going through has made a huge difference in our situation. I think bringing Mrs. Krazy here could do the same for you. I know that you consider this your "safe haven" to vent things out when you are angry, but maybe her learning here and taking the lead in your recovery would help you to feel less angry without the need to vent so much. Does your DW give you her full support? Does she understand what you are going through? Does she show true remorse for her choices? No, I'm not on AD's. I'd like to get by without them, if I can. The last thing I need is unwanted "side effects" that many AD's seem to bring on. Why NOT? If anyone here could use them to help with the PTSD it would be you. I understand your reservations about them, I had my own, but I decided I owe it to my DW and my children to do anything and everything in my power to help me heal. Believe me, I'm in no way a big doctor person either. Actually, it had been almost a year since my last visit. I have been on them for a week now and I can already feel a difference. I have a VERY obsessive personality and I would struggle to let go of triggers when they happened. I still have them, but they don't linger the way they did before. One thing that I did was to not read anything about the potential side effects. I didn't want to project anything that wasn't really there. As of right now, I haven't noticed any either. I just feel much more at ease with everything. I don't have a well thought-out plan...just trying to get by one day at a time and gradually heal...very gradually. I don't think you can without Mrs. Krazy on board too. I really think you should reconsider your stance on keeping MB to yourself. I'm amazed that you have made it this far without her involvement. You are a giant among men Krazy. If you don't share with her what you are going through how are you supposed to work out a plan to recover. It seems that you have kind of reached a plateau of what you can do on your own and maybe reaching out to her for help could be just the thing the two of you need to make it to the next level of recovery. Want2Stay
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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Hey Krazy, what is your plan?
Want2Stay
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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