Well, I've been a SAHM for about 7 yrs and we've been together 18 yrs and we've been as close as you can get. We ran a small business and I was his sounding board/confidant and best friends, UNTIL we had children and he sold the company and starting working for another. He's an area plant manager and loves his job as he's a very nice man and has heard more than once that he's the best boss they've had. Ever since I've become a SAHM, he doesn't hardly talk to me as he has his coworkers (mostly female) that he talks to. He buys them birthday cakes (he's never gave me one), plans employee dinners (without ME) and goes out to other business dinners several times a month. He's actually planning "2" going away dinners for a female coworker that he greatly admires. He promises me to take me out to all these restaurants that he's been to but never seems to have the time to take me.I've told myself (and him) that whenever he goes out, from now on, that I will go out to dinner/movie by myself. He's not happy with me over this. I just don't know what else to do. Birthdays and Anniversaries are nonexistant too.
I've been getting attention from other men, which I haven't had in YEARS, and it's quite refreshing but I just want my husband. He wants his coworkers to think he's the greatest but his brownie points at home are at the subsurface. I've tried discussing these issues with him but he has no understanding of anything. I'm married to Mr Spock. Any help is appreciated.

Hi Rosies:

Welcome to MB. I am new here myself, but maybe I can get the ball rolling so to speak.

Can you answer a few more questions:

Did your husband ever acknowledge your special days in the past?

What made you decide to sell the business? Did you decide together?

Did this behavior start when you first sold the business and became a SAHM, or was it more recent?

I think your idea to go out on your own is a good idea, do you have any friends you could go out with? Maybe if he sees you having your own friends he will wonder what you are up to the same way you are wondering about him.

Gardener

This started as soon as we moved away and he had connections/relationships with other people. We decided to sell the business so he could be home to watch the kids grow up as we did travel all over the country.

I've been saying that he is married to his job and I cannot make him feel as important as the people at work do. For over 10 yrs it was just me and him and now he has so many more people that look up and depend on him at work.

He always did something for our anniversary but never for my birthday which is why I was so upset about him buying a birthday cake for a girl at work. He mentioned on our vacation that he was going to buy souveniors for everyone in his office though I pointed out that he NEVER brought me anything back through his treks, which floored him. I told him that I hope someday that I can have half the relationship that the people at work have with him. I've heard that people that are overly successful in business usually have less than successful relationships at home. Someone has to suffer somewhere. It seems the more up the corporate ladder he goes the less of him I get.

I just wanted to add an incident from this past weekend. I found an email from his female supervisor and my husband who says it's all took out of context and I'm misunderstanding it. It was copied to several employees and then when the good stuff started it was only to the boss , my husband. She'd said that she took some products to the control room and my husband replied 'Your fast!', then she replied only to him , 'Ask and you shall receive......'. He wrote back, "Can I ask anything???????
She said, "As long as it doesn't include dresses or staying....". She's leaving in a month to take a promotion and I'd suspected something for awhile and he more or less said I was imagining things. This email has a suggestive/flirtatious/sexy undertone and I'm furious.
I'm at my wits end and we've fought all weekend and I really don't know where to go with this. He could of lost his job over this. He preaches to me that he doesnt' even send email as it might be interpeted wrong. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Do you think he may have something going with her?

I'm on the clueless chair for a sec. The staying part means anything like "please stay, don't accept the promotion...." What does the "dresses" part mean?

I agree there's an undertone to the emails, but my guess is it hasn't gone much farther than that. To me, his "can I ask anything????" means it's very early in the flirting department. Your H may think it's harmless (of course, as we know, harmless flirting can too often evolve into much greater problems). I suppose it's fortunate she'll be leaving soon!

I'll bet his employees think he's the model husband...birthdays, gifts, romance...since he's so good with their birthdays. Wonder if you mentioned what THEY think if he'd see the inconsistency.