9 years ago, I had a 4month affair with husbands best friend. To make matters worse, his wife was my best friend. She caught us talking on the phone during the middle of the night while my spouse was out of town. From that point on, she and I never spoke again. This strained my husband and his best friends friendship to the point they quit talking also. A while later, I confided in a friend of mine about the affair and he encouraged me to tell my husband, which I did. We eventually healed and had 2 more children for a total of 4. We are now married 17 years. For the past 2 years, I have been running into my ex best friend through various mutual social circles. This past year, has been more frequent since we play tennis at the same club and have several of the same tennis buddies. This definetly is akward. Not sure how she feels,or how much she really knows about the affair. I never spoke to "him" again after we ended it so I dont know how honest he was with her. I am so ready to approach her and apologize for hurting her so badly. She and her husband are still together and had their second child shortly after our affair ended. I am wanting so badly to get rid of this elephant thats in the room everytime we are around each other. I would like someone out there to give me some advice on how to approach this with her. I am not expecting a rekindled friendship, just some closure and hopefully an open line of communication when we are in the same social setting.

If you feel the need to apologize then do so. I would not offer details because it may be to much for the BW to handle. The best thing to do after you apologize would be to tell her that your apology may cause her to have questions and you would be willing to answer any questions that she may have as a result.

You should apologize, you owe her an apology and the truth, whether her H has told her or not. I wouldn't expect it to make your relationship with her any easier or anything like that though! I doubt she knows the truth simply because she is putting herself in places where she runs into you. It will be far worse than awkward if I ever bump into my W's OM!

I would also strongly suggest you talk to your H about this and respect his wishes whatever they are.

Thanks for your response. How do I avoid admitting to having sex with "him" if she ask's? I do not want to open up old wounds if he never told her the real truth.

Be honest. Or that Elephant will never get off your back. Just get it over with. If your not going to be honest then don't bother. It all depends on whether you are a new person or the same one from years past. She deserves to know.

You want to apologize and avoid telling her the truth at the same time?

Lets be honest: you aren't sorry for what you did to her. You're trying to ease your conscience and make your social life more convenient. Who are you to protect her from the truth? To avoid opening old wounds? What is she, some pet of yours where you get to interfere in her life then dictate what she gets to know about it?

Don't apologize. Send your husband here, I bet he's been tormented for years and can't figure out why.

If you are going to withhold the truth why are you going to apologize? Avoid telling the truth is the is the same as lying.

Just my opinion but you might be opening up a wound that has eventually healed. Might go both ways, could be good, could be bad.

As a betrayed spouse, I would not be interested in having the OP apologies. First an apology is asking someone to forgive them. It is to help them feel better about what they did, not the other way around. I don't care to ever have any contact with the OP. It could only start the whole mess over. I suggest they have been through enough. You will just have to live with your actions!

I've had to deal with my H's OW this past week and hear her pleas for forgiveness and it is sickening. She actually thought that a simple: "Please forgive me" would make it okay. She even sent me an email with a link to Joyce Meyer's website and a plea to forgive her and to go heal. I responded that I did not believe Jesus' teachings included how people should have sex with married men and break up marriages in order to cure lonliness in their lives, and maybe God could forgive her but I can not.
Then I get an angry email that I can forgive my H but not her and it's the same sin.
Apologies that are not earnest do not go far........

You didn't care about her or her child when you were sleeping with her husband and she was your best friend which only adds insult to injury. She's had to find a way to cope with the pain for the past 9 years and I doubt she really cares if you are sorry or not. Leave the woman alone!!!

I'll never forget getting a telephone call one afternoon from my wife's best girl friend. My wife had just died...and she was calling me to apologize to me for allowing my wife to carry on her affairs in her house.

I sure didn't need those "movies" which started all over again and made me relive the experiences. I was really quite fine being ignorant of this fact. I think it was pretty damn selfish
on her part to do this, too.

Trophy33

Do you still read here? What has happened? Did you apologize?

If OM ever grows a set to contact me for any similance of forgiveness, he better bring a check to cover everything I lost.

Otherwise to me he's just another burglar that broke into my house.