Melody

Thanks for the information I will check into it. I know this PI has been used my MB visitors in the past. I’ve been lurking here I guess since late 05 or early 06. I think my first post wasn’t until mid 07. This site is a great resource along with the books and like many wished I would have found it years ago, much of my problem(s) could have been avoided.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it!

I did look back on some of your old post 2001 or so just to get a feel for who you are.Had to laugh a little about the rebounder. It’s funny how you can learn about a person’s personality my reading their post. Anyway you seem very strong willed and a good and caring person. Thanks for your time.

Well I at last got around and took some good advice but it was too late.
Frank Music no longer has the investigation services. He sold his company. The same numbers still gets you to a PI, but they will not provide cell phone records.

There is something’s going on, which one of them I guess you could say is I’ve had enough. I’ve stopped the direct deposit and will be opening my own accounts. She will no longer have control of our money.

The straw that broke the run was I got home a couple of days ago to find a notice that my vehicle payment was over due, and they were going to report in to the credit bureau. I knew it was not sent in on time, but only after I got the notice. I don’t even know what the payment date is. I had seen it lying by the phone the day before Labor Day. At that time it was a week late. We make way too much to be late on anything. Her spending or saving sprees are over; I’m not financing whichever anymore.

After I struck out on the Frank Music I did a couple of people searches on the internet trying to come up with a cell phone number to search her company cell phone. Anyway, not much there except his birthday which was interesting, I will go into that next? My Visa statement came the same day as the late notice. I get home yesterday and she has a note stuck to my statement with the two line items highlighted. “I know what this is. No more, that’s it” Gee I think I’m grounded.

The birthday I talked about is the OM, which is October 15. So the weekend she spent by herself October 2005 which I always thought was just Sweatiest Day, turns out was the OM 50th. She has insisted that he was in the same town and was celebrating a family member’s birthday’ but he wasn’t with her. Gee I’m sure the reason she didn’t tell me that was she was trying to save me some more pain. Maybe I’m wrong; sure.

The following event is becoming more and more typical. We are still very active in high school sports. Have a DD in her senior year. We decided on Thursday night that we would go to the Varsity Football game the next night. Friday evening comes and I’m waiting at home for her to show up. About a half hour after we should have left the phone rings and it is my son asking if I had started the steaks on the grill yet. Surprised, I told him the last I knew his mother and I was going the ball game. My son said mom tried calling you two times at the house and no one answered. I have two cell phones on my belt, one work and one personnel and both have voice mail and the home phone has voice mail. I was out side reading the newspaper and can not hear the house phone.

Must say plan A been over not sure where to go from here. I am determined to last till DD is out of H.S.

I will not be monitoring this site, but will check at lunch and in the evening. Any advice will be helpful. Need a place to talk.

If your wife was no longer seeing OM why would she care if you had a GPS in her car?

She obviously has something to hide.

Get a new GPS or hire a PI to follow her or don't if you don't want to know the truth.

Also, if either you or your wife think that getting a divorce after your DD gradutes high school will be any less painful for DD then you are sadly mistaken. The timing will not matter to DD, all that will matter is that her family is being torn apart.

Sounds like alot of conflict avoiding going by both of you. She knows you know its still going on and you know she knows you know. That kind of thing. You both seem to want to wait until the DD graduates.

I have no plans on getting a divorce. My only plans are getting control of my finances and provide as stress free as possible Senior Year for my DD. I understand the impact of a divorce on children, yes when doesn’t matter. I will not have a say if WW chooses to end it. I have no control with WW choice not to work on marriage.

A little update
It’s been an interesting couple three weeks. Set up accounts and told the wife what I had decided; which did not go over well. Found out the other day see pull $600 cash out of the joint saving the next day. So here is the total, did not make a pickup payment in July $580, then $400 transfer to checking in August out of the savings, in September $600 cash and today another $200. I found out most of this Friday and removed about 1300, which 530 is a company reimbursement for plane tickets.

She offered two weeks ago for me to look at her cell phone anytime I wanted to prove she was not seeing OM or anyone else. A day or two later I texted her saying that would be fine, she needed to provide me with his cell number, new work number, and home phone number and a few months of her back cell phone records. She text me back the following “You just don’t get it do you? I don’t have most of the info u requested. And I have no desire to get the rest.”

Over the past two weeks I have been very nice with her again Plan A but it been up and down for the last six months. I noticed she stopped wearing her wedding ring after I open the accounts or after the Visa bill on the two searches. I’ve asked her several times why but she just says she doesn’t want to wear it.

Friday I texted her around noon to see if she wanted to go out to dinner that evening with me . I hear nothing from her and when I got home there was a note saying she sensed I wanted to make up but she was not going to continue these ups and downs every few months. She was going away and think about what to do but would be home for friends 25th wedding celebration the follow afternoon. About ten minutes before it was time to leave for the party; she texted me and said she wasn’t going to make it. I tried to call her but she wouldn’t answer, so I texted her asking what I was suppose to tell everyone when they asked where she was and thank her for leaving me without a gift or a card to take along, she said she was getting. I did not appreciate her texting me and then not answering her phone.

Help I see no end in sight.

Yeah. Have her find a new job. One that will allow her to account for all of her time. No traveling, etc.

Anyone who chooses their job over their marriage isn't worth the effort, anyway.

That's because you have been a doormat for so long.

What kind of man just accepts it when his wife just takes off with no explanation?

Answer: A doormat man.

Stop being a doormat. I bet your hiding her affair from the kids so you can 'protect them'?

IAM

No the boys know, gee I guess men. The daughter does not and no one in my family, but we don’t have a lot to do with them other than my folks. The last time I tried to talk with the one son he told me he didn’t want to hear it. It was about the tracker.

www.landairsea.com

They have a GPS with a strong magnet. You can put it under the car.

Have you asked yourself why you have been willing to share your wife for the last three years?

That's what you are doing.

IAM
Doormat, hey maybe that’s why I feel this way. I guess I’d say a person that doesn’t what to make problems. Not worth causing trouble. Wish I would be know as nice guy. This is her complaint; I will stop talking to her sometimes for weeks. That’s not the case but I have stopped talking but only a day or two. Yes I’ve Love Busted. I am willing to work on that and have, but I did not cause her to have a PA. And I have not caused her to treat me like I’m second to anything.

Are you going to expose fully with a nuclear exposure?

Krazy71
Why would finding another job stop her from having an A. There is 24 hours 7 days a week, no one can control a person that wants to be with another. I can’t make her stop, others in her life have not been able to make her stop. Forget the job change, how do I get her here or somewhere for help?

She's not the one who needs help, you are.

She's been gaslighting you for three years because you let her.

What kind of man shares his wife?

IAM

What would you expose? That I think she is still involved. That she was in May 07. I sense she is again and my senses have not fooled me before. Ask them to convince her to prove she isn’t involved. Keep in mind that her mother even went to lunch with him before I knew. She was all over her one son that sided with me.

I feel that the over night trip to where ever was her showing me that she is in control and there is nothing I can do to stop her. She knows that I will not expose this mess to anyone because I don’t want to hurt my daughter. So what do you think the out come would be if I did? Is the short term out come going to be any different today versus next June? In my mind the daughters last year of high school will be a mess. Because of our involvement in school functions, this will be a big deal, then it goes off. This is small town USA.

Better your DD finds out from you than the small town rumor mill. If you do live in small town USA do you really think this is all that secret?

Get it out now. Expose and start to Plan A. But expose to everyone.

Denny, have you considered going to counseling to find out why you choose to live like this? The problem is NOT HER, it is you. And that is fine if you CHOOSE to live with a wife that cheats, but once you have made a choice to volunteer for that, you have forfeited your right to gripe about it. If I willingly go into the barber shop I can't very well gripe because they cut hair in there since I volunteered.

It is apparent to me that you wont help yourself so there is no reason to complain about the situation. I gave you that PI's # a long time ago yet you still have not bothered to hire a PI. I don't get that.

I am sorry that you choose to like this, but it is your life to live.

No, the overnight trip was because she can, you let her.

I get so sick and frustrated watching good people allow their slime spouses to [censored] all over them time and time again.

Change the effing locks next time!!!

GOOD GOD are you a man?!?!?!?!

BTW, your daughter knows! You want her to think that this is what marriage is supposed to be??!?!?!?!!?

Why ask about contact if you aren't willing to do anything about it even if there was contact? If you want to stay in the M until your DD finishes school, that's your choice of course. When DD graduates what are you going to do then?