Hi, my name is nicholas and I am a 30 year old soon to be divorced husband. This is not what I want at all. My wife is 10 years younger then me and we got married nov 16th of last year. So here goes my story. I met her when she had gotten out of a relationship where she was with this other guy for a year and a half and we were friends and things kind of happened. Yes i know shes young and I never intended for things to happen in the first place like they did. But they did and I fell in love with her. We were together for 3 months before married and at the time I was in business with this other guy and things went sour and i lost all of my money and lots of my inventory. I have owned 3 businesses total. Well she knew all of this was happening. Well I had heard all of these stories of the old ex and heard that he was the one that was doing all the abusing on her and come to find out later it was him that went through the same exact stuff I am going through now. I am embarrased about this part, but we had to move in with my parents which is where I was when i met her. Cause of all the stuff that happened with the business, I was flat broke. I decided to start looking for jobs and I did look hard and finally I got a offer from radio shack which was not alot of money, but still a job.


I worked it for a few months but knew without her working also. We could not afford to get a place at that time, because of all the bills I already had and she had alot as well. The fights started early into the marriage about her car payment which was a 181 dollars a month. I offered to help and could not pay the whole thing myself as my checks were not that big and then she got irate about it. She would come into my work all of the time while I was working and stay for hours. I did not have a problem with her being in the mall, but then she complained that she did not want me working that job anymore as it was taking to much time away from her, so i felt like i was bad if i did and bad if i dont. So, i quit and should had not done it. Then i said ok honey i will go back to college online to spend some more time with you. I got accepted to aiu online and and then a few days after we got married,I joined a network marketing business, so I would feel like I was doing something. She still was not working and then when she had a few jobs she quit them within a few days.

The marriage got worse, I felt like when I was at the comp doing my school work, I was wrong because she constantly wanted attention and I try to be the most caring soul I can, but after awhile I got frustrated and said honey i love you very much and you are special to me and explained to her that while times were rough right now, that I was trying to build our future. Then she said she could accept that and then a day later. I was trying to do school and the business then she would not be supportive again saying she needed more attention. I let me schooling go and let her win that out. i thought nothing of it though as I loved her so much. So things got better for a bit and then it started again as she had a very non supportive family that always tears her down and then she tried to go to school and she still had her fasfa through them and i could do nothing and they had to be the one to sign off on it and they would not. They argued with her about it and then she did not get to go to school. She was frustrated about that, which i understand. So, i offered another solution this was in 2008 here. I said look honey give me another month or so and I start my trade shows again and you can go with me and look pretty like i always told her she was my princess and then we will get the money to get back out on our own and build our life. Well this never happened she kept bringing me down. She was talking about killing herslf several times and would i want to just be with my grandma and over all of this time her sisters would tear her down and her own mother did not call to wish her a happy birthday, merry christmas, thanksgiving new years and nothing. She even called her mom once as she was ill and asked if she had some cold medicine or a few dollars she could borrow to get her some cheap cold medicine. Her mother refused and her aunt ended up getting it for her. My mother was very supportive to her also and helped out with things. Well in the last couple of weeks here she has been talking to her very first ex that she said made her do a sexual thing with her which she did not cosent. it troubled me that she would still talk to a person like that and did not really appreciate that if that is what she did and when i questioned she would say that is my best friend, get over it and would be defensive. I also got her to contact her real dad which she had not talked to in years and her mother made him sound so terrible cause they was so little when they got divorced and she would not let him see them girls. I said he knew he made mistakes to, but wanted time to get to know his daughter and has never on time said anything bad about there mother.

Take in mind here i have been offering marriage counseling the past 3 months here if she felt there was a problem and she said no it will work out. Well last week she went to her sisters. the person who had been tearing her down and her siters husband had just beating up her other sisters husband, a few weeks prior to this and was giving jessica problems. I was leary of while she would want to leave the house at 11 at night and go over and she told me she needed a husband and not dad. So, i let her go and 30 minutes she got there she had her dad call and say sh wanted a divorce over the phone. Before she left she wrote me a noth saying how much she lft me and her everything. Hugged and kissed me goodbye and said the same and now shes gone. What is going through this girls minds and how can i fx this problem as i did not want this divorce. I am very old fashion and belive in the for better of for worse. Tell me either way what went wrong. Thanks

first of all, you basically married an immature child. you are from 2 different generations and on 2 different pages.

second of all, you need to be a man and set the rules. you don't quit college because she is whining that you don't spend enough time with her. you don't quit a job that is bringing in money to support the 2 of you because she wants all of your attention. tell her in no uncertain terms that she needs to get out there and work too, at least for now.

thirdly, it sounds like the dysfunction of her family is ridiculous. NEWS FLASH: you CANNOT save her. she says she doesn't want a father figure but hello, he married someone 10 years older than her! she sounds like she needs some serious help and still has a LOT of growing up to do.

I'd cut my losses and move on. get yourself together, finish college while you work at radio shack or whatever. she will only bring you down. find someone your own age without so darn much baggage. i know you "love" her but look at what you posted, it is pathetic. she is controlling every move you make! and you have made very unhealthy decisions. did you marry her because she is only 20 and she is some trophy for you? that is what i get from "have her be all pretty and go to trade shows with me..." i assume to show her off and be your trophy so you can make more money?

you might want to get some counseling as well to see why you allowed any of this nonsense to go on in the first place, why you married a child, and married her after only 3 months.

mlhb

thanks for the comment. i appreciate the feedback. no it was not as any trophy i just said those things to make her feel good. thanks though

also you are right about the job thing. i did try that but then i caved in. i feel so week. what i wrong with me ?

On a different topic - - - - ONLINE EDUCATION

I know there are a lot of marginal schools out there. Be careful about the programs on which you spend your money. Even if it's loan money. Some degrees aren't worth the paper on which they are printed.

Council on Higher Education Accreditation - Degree Mill Information

US Dept of Education Database of Accredited Postsecondary Institutions & Programs

I don't know what is "wrong" with you, only you can look inside of yourself and know why you are not standing up to her.

Fear of being alone I would guess first off. I mean, you got married after what, 3 months? You don't know someone at all in that time frame! And marrying someone so much younger? Who is obviously very immature and FULL OF BAGGAGE.. did you think you could give her the life she had never had? you don't marry someone because you want to save them and you don't cave to someone because you don't want to lose them. You want people's respect? Then put your foot down when you know you need to. If she doesn't like it and walks, then she is not respecting you and your boundaries. And in that case, you don't want someone in your life like that anyway.

mlhb

Welcome.

First, let me strongly recommend that you use condoms when/if you have sex. Please do not bring a baby into this situation and please don't trust her to take birth control. Your wife is acting very immature and immature people do stupid stuff, like get pregnant to fix things in the marriage, or so that they can stay at home and not work. (Which is silly... I never worked so hard as when I was at home with young uns.)

Next, you may want to consider counseling your own if she won't go. If you attend a church, your pastor may be able to counsel you for free. If you're not in a church, you may want to call around to some. I know my pastor will counsel people even if they aren't congruents. And free is good.

I listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio. He offers financial wisdom, "the same advice your grandmother would give you, only we keep our teeth in." What I love most about Dave is that he went completely broke twice before this. He was a wheeler-dealer in real estate and lost everything when he had a young family. Now, he's on the radio and Fox Financial Network, and raking it in. (hang with me, this is going somewhere.)

Dave says that when a man loses his business or his job, it's like getting your teeth kicked in, only worse. It's a terrible blow to a man's sense of self-worth. My guess is this young woman showed up when you were extremely vulnerable, and her interest helped revive your self-worth. However, at the time, she wasn't really seeing the whole picture. She was just seeing you when you were down. She didn't get to see much of the man who is willing to sacrifice and work hard in order to succeed. She probably didn't realize that as your wife, she'd be expected to sacrifice and work hard in order to succeed with you.

Right now, you still feel in love with you wife. But, that's because she's still meeting some of your needs. If she continues her immature behavior that is draining your love bank, you won't feel in love with her.

I don't have any answers, except some serious thought on if this marriage was made with real understanding on both of your parts, and where it can go from here.

I will tell you this: my marriage went bad very early on and I kept on trying to make it work for a total of seven years. When people here talked about getting back to how it was before, I remember thinking "I've got nothing to look back at." It seems to be different from those marriages that have 3 or 5 or 10 good years. Or even 20 good ones.

Good luck.