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As I said swingers are more open and honest then vanilla's and your assumption proves that fact. Yes we have told our C we are swingers and he has counseled several in the past successfully. It's a concept that we obviously have way different perspectives on and one I should never have brought up obviously on this thread. We not whores and pimps (please refrain from attacks like that melody I have not stated anything on our past, how we went about this, why we got into it or how it transpired). Melody I have researched it and yes the divorce rate amoung vanillas is much more higher.
We are here today because of my lack of attention and effection that I showed my wife as I stated.
As far as trusting Dave, no I don't really know for sure and may never know but no faith in it and worrying about it will get me nowhere.
Last edited by ezb; 05/03/08 10:37 AM.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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As I said swingers are more open and honest then vanilla's and your assumption proves that fact. Yes we have told our C we are swingers and he has counseled several in the past successfully. It's a concept that we obviously have way different perspectives on and one I should never have brought up obviously on this thread. We not whores and pimps (please refrain from attacks like that melody I have not stated anything on our past, how we went about this, why we got into it or how it transpired). ez, again, it takes more than honesty to sustain a marriage AS YOU CAN SEE. It takes fidelity. Adultery is DISASTEROUS to a marriage whether you are "honest" about it or not. Studies consistently show that swinging is a DISASTER to marriages. If your MC is not telling you this, then you are not getting good counsel. But you can see all this. Your marriage is a disaster because you have INVITED other people [sick [censored] off the internet] into your marriage. You can pretend like it is not the source of the problem, but the problem is not going to go away until you wake up. And yes, I know you are not a pimp; a pimp gets paid for his services. You do it for free.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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As I said swingers are more open and honest then vanilla's
We are here today because of my lack of attention and effection that I showed my wife as I stated. But from what you have stated it did not sound as if your W felt she could be open and honest with you in regards to her feelings. So have you got to the bottom as to why you had a lack of attention and affection for you wife? Did it have anything to do with the swinging?
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Emotions aren't a part of sex. Which is exactly why you find yourself where you are today. Emotions aren't a part of sex in the lifestyle. Swingers are able to separate it, vanilla's aren't.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Ok ezb,
I get your position here.
Good luck in you future, you're going to need every bit of it.
I will not respond to lunacy any furthur.
All blessings,
Jerry
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She couldn't be open and honest about them no. We had different views and didn't have the interdependent M that we should have and that was my fault for not filling her love bank like I could have, should have and will.
It had to do with the fact that I spent too much time on the lifestyle and not enough working on my marriage. That was in many forms. As she has said to me and I understand now I needed to work on our marriage much more and have been doing that and will continue to do so.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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We not whores and pimps (please refrain from attacks like that melody I have not stated anything on our past, There are no words I could say that could be as aggregious as the attack you have made on your own marriage. You have attacked your marriage and the dignity of your wife, whom you are supposed to love and cherish and protect by inviting cretins in the door to "do" her. You have done much, much more than withhold affection. ez, can you not see the wreckage around you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Understandable from your point of view. Thank you.
I need to know and understand her love bank deposits and love busters, devote more time on working on us and our marriage and show her more attention and effection.
Last edited by ezb; 05/03/08 10:57 AM.
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It had to do with the fact that I spent too much time on the lifestyle and not enough working on my marriage. translation: I spent too much time sinking the Titantic and not enough time painting the girls bathroom on the forward deck. You are missing the boat, friend. Are you so addicted to your swinging lifestyle that you refuse to see what is right before your face? How often do you have sex with other women, ez?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Understandable from your point of view. Thank you. ez, who would you guess is the LEAST OBJECTIVE person on this thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Swingers are able to separate it, vanilla's aren't. Wonderful, I hope you enfoy your strawberry life. I am proud to be a vanila. Jerry
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translation: I spent too much time sinking the Titantic and not enough time painting the girls bathroom on the forward deck. [/qoute]
Yes you are correct.
[/qoute] You are missing the boat, friend. Are you so addicted to your swinging lifestyle that you refuse to see what is right before your face? [/qoute]
I see her much more clearly now and I'm proving that.
[/qoute] How often do you have sex with other women, ez? I haven't had sex with anyone else in I don't know how long. Last fall I believe or early winter.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Understandable from your point of view. Thank you. ez, who would you guess is the LEAST OBJECTIVE person on this thread? That would be a point of view answer obviously.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Mel,
Do you get the impression we are talking to a brick wall??
All blessings,
Vanila Jerry
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I wonder if you or Mel or your SO's have ever been involved in a A?
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Understandable from your point of view. Thank you. ez, who would you guess is the LEAST OBJECTIVE person on this thread? That would be a point of view answer obviously. I can understand why you would sidestep that question. You and I both know the answer. See, ez, we can tell you all about lovebusters until we are blue in the face, but it will be a waste of time as long as the thing that is destroying your marriage, a lack of fidelity, is not addressed. You are asking us how to fix the peeling paint in the girls bathroom on the sinking Titantic. Everyone sees that except you. We can't help you unless and until you stop the infidelity because her lovebank is a collander. Dr. Harley: Over the years I have come to the conclusion that married couples should try to avoid sexual experiences outside each other's company. My reasoning is that sex is so enjoyable that the pleasure people receive from it should not be squandered. To review my "Love Bank" concept, whenever you have pleasure in each other's company, you deposit love units in each other's Love Banks, thereby increasing your feeling of romantic love for each other. If you limit your sexual experiences to times you are together (especially if they are often), the feeling of love will be enhanced.
On the other hand, if you have sexual experiences with others, even over the internet where it is essentially a fantasy, you build feelings of love toward those people instead of your spouse. Even masturbation, with no one present and no object of fantasy, takes the place of times that love units could have been deposited in marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Of course this has occured.
Why do you think I'm on this forum? The most horrid thing that could happend in a M has presented itself in my life.
You've got to come to some understanding here, ezb.
Vanila is actually a wonderful flavor! You have lost all prospective!!@
All Blessings,
Jerry
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I wonder if you or Mel or your SO's have ever been involved in a A? Yes, and as such we are both in fully recovered, healthy marriages. How bout you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And do you think that happened because your not as open and honest with each other as we are? Can you honestly look at someone of the opposite sex and say to your SO I'm attracted to that person and have them respect your feelings and understand them for what they are? Does it mean your not more attracted to your SO? No it does not. Does it mean you love that person any less? No it does not.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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Working towards that just like you had to.
Going into recovery now so I can be a better person for my children and for me.
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