Thank you for the advice and the segment link. The lifestyle was not our problem though.
Yes it was and I will make an attempt to explain why.
The lack of attenttion and effection I gave my wife was.
Statement of fact and correct.
I find it utlerly perplexing how conventinal marriages can look down on swingers so much to the point and then committ A.
You are trying to attach values to disparate issues. Affairs arise out of a failure to protect weaknesses all of us have, while swinging embraces those same weaknesses.
In our view we are twice as open and honest with each other then convential marriages and (yeah I know what your going to say in my case) the divorce rate amoung vanilla's (non swingers) is twice if not 3 times as much as it is in the swinger lifestyle.
The divorce rate among swingers is self reported, which is like asking all those who favor a particular politician who should be voted into office; the truth is that those who swing spend a great deal of mental energy justifying their life style and glorifying their weaknesses to the point where they lie to themselves and their fellow swingers as much as to the rest of the world.
The only thing you said that was true is "In our view."
Here is the main problem with swinging.
Men and women attach to the act of sex in very different ways. You address swinging from the male POV that is founded upon many thousands of years of hunter gatherer selective breeding. Female POV on swinging has a great deal of difficulty compartmentalizing than does the male.
Once you can understand this, you are then led to the understanding that Mel and other females here are attempting to drill into your cranium. They are advising you from the female POV, get it?
All of this is associated with brain chemicals I am not going to explain as it involves more time than I am going to waste on someone who has to reevaluate their POV before they are receptive to any type of better founded reason.
Those folks on this site believe that swinging is against the best interests of BOTH parties to any relationship in the long term. They believe that it is rare that a swinging lifestyle can be in the best interest of Both parties. Most of those advising you who oppose swinging do so from the foundation of a long and often intense investigation of relationships, something I do not think you bring to the table to the same extent or same ability to engage.
Swinging might work for a rare couple. It hasn't worked for you and you are blind to see it because you think women are just like men when it comes to sex. They ain't and praise the Lord because then we would really have the equivalent of San Francisco bath houses for everyone. To understand swinging, you have to look at the bad as well as what you perceive as the good.
In other words, it isn't what you know that is killing you, it is what you THINK you know. As my sainted grandmother taught me, when you can admit that you don't know chit, you are on the road to maturity.
One final thought. I can find a counselor who will prop up any position you want to take so long as you are willing to pay them to do so. One study that IS accurate is that counselors have a higher divorce rate than the rest of us.
Larry
As Dr Phil would say: "how's that working for ya?" You continue to say this in spite of the fact that this thinking has not worked for you. It sounds good on paper, but you can see the wreckage yourself.