IMO, no.

Why would you want to hold this back?

I think the best strategy to stop the lies is to throw them completely off balance with how much you know.

You seem to have a very strong tendency to avoid conflict. Do you feel yourself to be a conflict avoider? If so, what are you going to do about that? There are several examples on this site where conflict avoidance has gone hand in hand with long term affairs and troublesome recoveries. You would do good to do some reading about this. 2long's situation, as well as RockSolid's come to mind.

Tyk,

Yes, you could say I am a conflict avoider. I have been reading up on passive/agressive behavior, and that hits pretty close to home. I hate arguments because I feel I am no good at it. I get all flustered and forget what I really need to be saying. Do I need more preparation for myself for this confrontation?

I'll check out the poster's you have mentioned.

OK, How do I find 2Long's and Rocksolids? I guess I don't understand the search function.

Willy66

I don't think the search function works right now, something to do with some issues after the forum upgrade. I don't know where either's original stories are, but both have threads in the Recovery section. The gist is that long term affairs + conflict avoidance seem to combine to make things even more difficult than the norm. Not trying to scare you, just trying to get you proactive in recognizing your nature and take steps to address it to hopefully allow you to mitigate this troublesome combination.

I don't think you need more preparation to confront! That is CA right there!

You don't need to do anything but speak the truth. Don't think of it as an argument, more of a truth clearinghouse session.

Gotch ya, no more CA

Thanks!

Willy66

Willy, how's it goin?

That would be wise. Right now, while she is in the midst of the A, she has no interest in fixing the problems between you and her. As far as she's concerned, right now she's found a solution. What is needed is both an NC committment and a Plan A. The Plan A will show her that you are able to unilaterally change and fulfill the needs that went unfilled before. The NC is necessary so that she will notice the efforts you are making under Plan A. Once she ceases contact with OP, she will have to go through withdrawal, which may take a month or more. Only then, after the fog has lifted from her eyes, can there be any successful chance at rebuilding.

And don't blame yourself for the A. Blame yourself only for your share of the state of your M before the A, including the lovebusters and lack of emotional deposits for which you are responsible. But, the choice of entering an A, or allowing it to happen, is hers. BUT - don't push her to admit that! She won't be even ready to consider the possibility until after withdrawal and the fog lifts. If she tries to place blame, saying you drove her to it, just ignore it.