Back when my wife told me about the A initially, I basically told her to end it quickly or I would take action. She did end most contact within a few weeks and had a couple of contacts with him that I caught and confronted her over. D-day was the end of June last year. My W is pretty sure that his wife was aware something was going on, but she has never been told explicitly. My W then sort of flirted in an e-mail with another man in March of this year, right before I dragged the truth about SF in the first A out of her. She says she honestly wasn't trying to go anywhere with it, and I saw the e-mail and it wasn't much. He didn't respond and she says that once she was O&H with me about the SF, it put an end to her trying anything. She said it introduced accountability and reinforced the boundaries once I knew the truth. She felt like she had to be faithful once I knew the truth and it lifted a burden off of her.

Is there any reason to expose to anyone now, this late in the game? My family will probably never speak to her again, and her family will also take it very badly. Well, she asked for it, but I don't know if it will accomplish anything now. If anything else happened, I would tell the world and leave her, but I don't want to get there. That is why we are going to talk to Steve Harley.

I would appreciate other folks' perspective on this.

If the darn search function worked, I might not have to ask this, since I'm sure a million people have asked the same thing.

Exposure is a tool used to end the A, there is no reason at this point to tell your families. Nothing good will come of that, and it is likely to cause problems between the two of you. HOWEVER, OM's W or GF should be told the truth.

For what it's worth, I am in complete agreement with Tyk on this one.

Recovery and restoration with the least amount of unnecessary "collateral damage" is the rule. Or do you want to "complicate" recovery further?

The affair has ended, recovery has been embarked upon. Exposure to "end an affair" is no longer needed.

The Other Man's wife, however, DOES have a "need to know" about her husband, or if they are not married, what her potential husband really IS like and what HE thinks about marriage.

God bless.

Well, I thought that was the right answer, and that the reason for exposure was to get the A to end. I just wanted to get the perspective of the more experienced members. I really would hate for the families to know at this time because they would be done with her.

I talked to her just now about the OMW and she said she saw a couple of text messages and confronted him about them. He doesn't wear a ring, and his wife knows that he isn't honest with her about things. She hasn't left him yet because her children from first M are in HS and they are staying together until they get out of the house. Both are in school and work and it is easier to stay together for now. What a screwed up situation. It really is true that WS affair down.

Anyway, she doesn't want to tell her anything more, but we will see what happens in MC with Steve. I just think she wants to get this in the past, and work towards the future. She is patient with me, but I can tell that she wishes it were over. I think it may help her to hear about what I need from a professional source rather than just reading about it. She could read a book and never get it, but if the author said the same words in person, it would really have meaning to her.

Thanks for all the help.

Realize that her WH "affaired down" too. He had to find a married woman willing to cheat on her H.