Okay guys, I need your help! Here is my story, I am truly one very confused man right now!
On Friday of last week, my wife of nearly 15 years, and the mother of my 3 children, left after having told me that she didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be married. She also informed me that she "cared deeply" for another man whom we had both met just 2 weeks prior. In fact, she revealed that the two of them had met out of town, overnight, on the previous Sunday, while I thought she was traveling for her job as a hospice nurse. To further complicate matters, the man in question not only works for her same company, but holds the title of chaplain within the organization.
The 3 of us met at a bereavement camp that their employer sponsored where we all volunteered. Two days later, he contacted her by phone under the pretense of wanting my resume for his church which was in need of a music minister (which I do now in my own church). This man is not a pastor, but is a licensed, ordained minister employed as a chaplain.
I believe that this man is a predator. He new that once he got my wife talking about me he could sense any negativity expressed and capitalize on it! Within a mere 2 weeks, he lured her away to "get to know" one another better "as friends." She did leave, but claims no intimacy occured. I don't believe her, nor do I think it matters. The intent and deception was there regardless.
Now to the question you have to be asking, why would this man's wife be seeking such attention? What was wrong in her marriage? I can truly say that I wasn't aware of ANYTHING! Our life was great, and we were truly blessed. I had no idea she was unhappy. I have treated her like a princess. She does nothing around our house, she allows me to handle most of the parenting chores, she literally just had her job during the day, and a loving home at night. I constantly tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her and her calling as a hospice nurse. We were very intimate, in fact, more so the week (and night) before her rendezvous than ever! I'm just baffled!
In its wake, this situation has left 3 very confused and angry children who don't know what to do. The baby (2 years old) is a foster child that we were in the process of adopting. Now, I don't know what to even do about that. I love her immensely, but know it will very difficult to raise her alone.
Our family is very religious, attending church numerous times each week, but now my wife is also abandoning the beliefs we've taught our children. She was well respected and looked up to by many of our youth. She is throwing all of this away for reasons no one, including her family and friends, understand. She has simply told them that I am a great father but a terrible husband. They all know better, but she is unable to provide any specifics. She was also unable to tell me what this man provided her that I hadn't or what made be a bad husband.
I realize how comforting a phone relationship can be. I know that as my wife traveled throughout our state, she surely got lonely and felt comfort in someone's voice. I just don't understand why she never talked to me. We talked daily several times while she was gone for work, but she never attempted to really communicate anything to me that was bothering her.
My question is, how do I proceed. I spent the entire weekend trying to reason with her and decipher what is happening. We argued, we talked, we went through all possible emotions both by phone and in person. Now, I'm thinking I should just leave her alone for awhile and let her reason this out for herself. I've told her how I feel and that I would be willing to work through this over time. She has left before (10 yrs ago), so I am guarded as to breaking this cycle that seems to be developing. What should I do???

Sorry you are here, but you've found the right place.

You need to read everything on this site about infidelity, paying particular attention to Plan A and Plan B.

It sounds like you are still in a place where Plan A can be effective, although it is more difficult with her moved out.

You need to identify and correct your problems within the marriage. You need to become the best H you can be, the H you should have been, and you need to SHOW her (not TELL her) this to the best of your ability every chance you get. You should look over the Emotional Needs and try to figure out where you were lacking.

You also need to attack this affair. It sounds like exposure could be a very powerful tool in your situation, given this man's position within a church. I would stongly suggest exposing to your WW and OM's employer. Is he married? If so, you need to tell his wife quickly. Exposure is going to make your WW very angry, expect this. Your marriage can survive her anger. It can't survive her affair. The purpose of exposure is to bring the light of reality into the fantasy world they have created. If you are correct and this man is a predator with a history of such activity, he is not going to be very attached to your WW and will likely ditch her as the heat gets turned up.

Other targets for exposure would be her family, and any friends that you feel might be helpful in encouraging your WW to end the A.

So, begin fixing yourself, and begin doing whatever you can to end the A. Your goal is to end all contact between her and OM forever. This could well mean she has to quit her job, they may in fact fire her. These are consequences of HER actions, although she will blame you for causing it.

Read the material, ask questions. These plans are often counter intuitive so it is imperative that you really understand the psychology of affairs and stop REACTING to your WW based on emotions, and start ACTING from a plan designed to improve your situation.

Read, and ask questions. Your situation is not at all unique, many have walked in your shoes before you. There is a way out of this.

didn't see your thread in GQII, copying and pasting my post over there.