Ok here's my situation. Me and my wife have been together for 8 years. I met her when I was 19 and she was 16. We talked for a couple months and started dating on her 17th birthday. Things went well and 2 years later we got married. We've been married now for 6 years in june. We've always had little fights, some bigger than others but we've always managed to work through it. Mostly it was my fault. I have an addiction to an online game and spent way too much time on it and my personality would change. She let me know how it affected her and I quit for a time.

Eventually I would go back but I made sure to tell her if I spend too much time on it or my moods started to change again to let me know. I don't want to hurt her or our marriage. Things seemed to be going well for awhile. We moved into our first house and she graduated from college around the same time, last april.

Around october she starts talking about an open marriage. I thought she was referring to sleeping with another women, something I've been aware that she's been wanting to do since we met. I was ok with this because I felt that I couldn't give her that experience. It turns out that she was talking about sleeping with another guy.

We were lying in bed one night and she was crying, so I ask her what was wrong. She was hesitant about telling me but eventually I got it out of her. She was upset because she had messed around with this guy and he hadn't called her in a few days. I comforted her thinking I was ok with it. The next day it all hit me, the pain the anger everything. We talked again about the open relationship and I told her I wasn't ok with her sleeping with other guys. Since then she's slept with him 3 or 4 times.

She tells me that she doesn't want to be with him, that she loves me and wants to be with me. She says she needs space right now and needs to learn how to live by herself. I would find it easier to believe if she wasn't seeing the same person continually.

I haven't taken it well. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. I want to be understanding and caring and sometimes I am but then I dwell on it and I get hurt and angry, I turn into the taker and I tell her that she needs to stop or we're through. Then when she gets upset I turn into the giver and try to comfort her. I know this can't be easy on her with my moods changing but I can't help it.

I'm afraid I came to this website too late, I told her she needs to end it or its through. I don't really want that though. I want to make it through. We've had 8 wonderful years and when we spend time together it's wonderful. It's just when she's away I'm lonely and hurt.

I guess what it boils down to is how do I live with the pain? How do I cope so we can get through this? I don't want to hurt her anymore and I don't want her to hurt me.

Thanks in advance for listening and responding,

Ben

EDIT: I feel that I should add a bit more information to this already lengthy post. We don't have kids. I've always been a kind caring husband but I never did much around the house. Recently though I've tried to change this. I've started doing my own laundry and help to clean up around the house. We don't often have dinner together since she has a varrying schedule and I work 9-5. Hope that clears up a few questions

First of all, there is no such thing as an "Open Marriage". It doesnt work IMO.
You guys are young and definately need some "growing up" to do. Marriage is work, dedication, trust amongst a whole list of other things.

This is not open marriage. It is an affair. The only way to stop an affair is to expose it to everyone who will pressure the two of them to stop seeing each other. Find out who he is, who his family is, where he works, his friends, everything you can, and then start making phone calls - to his peeps and to hers, including her parents and siblings. She will be mad at you, but you are the one in the right here - you are fighting to save your marriage.

You should take this over to the Infidelity section where the people have experience with stopping affairs and getting your marriage back.