And what about ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS?

So do you have CONTROL over the MULTITUDE of FACTORS that led to his heart disease?

Your itty-bitty INFLUENCE, if there is one, will make that much of a difference in the scheme of things?

CL,


Your WS made choices that increased stress in HIS life....not anything you are doing...

Just asking if you are trying 'to fix' anything here, CL... or if you are looking for some relief from the mixed emotions and feelings the situation is bringing up...

Do you need to call A right away...or can you wait a few days just to be sure you aren't ...reacting?

I would think the top factors for a heart attack are smoking, fatty food, lack of exercise and heredity. Stress comes after those. Anyway, he brought on his own stress.

If it turns out he can't work, tell him to look into ss disability. My sons dad got that and it was fairly good.

Oh, I forgot - you're in Plan B.

He's not so very ill. He has the wherewithal to be an [censored].

Pep

lol Pep. Yes, he was still an [censored], wasn't he?

Believer and Mimi, thanks for the feedback. I don't know why, but I feel so bad about all of this. Have you ever heard of something like this happening here on MB?

I feel so cold hearted by doing nothing, but how am I supposed to not assume? Am I supposed to wait until he tells me something? That may be never.

You clearly still love your husband. So why would you choose to divorce him? Let him divorce you if he chooses to do so.

I think you want TO DO something.

There is NOTHING that YOU can do but CONTROL yourself.

Let him GO. Put him in GOD'S HANDS.

Let GOD work this out for YOU.

Here are a couple things you could do without breaking Plan B

1. Make a donation to the Heart Association in HIS name - have them send the receipt to you for tax deduction purposes, but still you are remembering him in a way that if in the future there is a reconciliation you have proof he was never far from your thoughts in his hour of need.

2. Send a get well card, certified, to yourself, with a love note written inside - same purpose - you can deliver it if and when he wakes up and comes to his senses. If not, your children will appreciate that you did what you could.

Both will make you feel you've done something and therefore, you should feel good - you respected yourself enough to not intrude on his offensiveness, and yet you have extended caring in a way that you know will not be thrown back in your face.

Hi CL,


I find what you are saying here quite revealing, CL.

...and remember, your WS HAS communicated that he does not want to see you....

...yep...been there...the need to DO something.... that, too, will pass, CL. Can you consider DOING something that does not involve WS?

Kayla,


Thanks for the suggestions. I liked the one regarding the card and I am going to do that. I think it will fulfill my need to do SOMETHING.

Luna,

I know, you are right. He doesn't want to see me and I'm finally letting go of it now. I'm still having trouble learning what my new role is. After so may years, some habits are hard to break. The answer is that I don't have a role except the role of healing myself. Sometimes hard to accept I guess. The whole thing just took a few days to digest.

Did your husband have bypass surgery or just angioplasy? Just curious, since I went through all that with my sons' father.

Believer,

I really don't know for sure. My DD says he had surgery, but he didn't tell my friend one way or the other. Both say that he can't talk too long, so I don't know that either one of them know the whole story.

It would be interesting to know what is going on. I do know that the bypass surgery isn't as easy as it sounds. It took my ex almost a year to recover. Then he never did go back to work - he took up drinking instead and got social security disability. And the depression was awful.

So the OW will have her hands full, and I doubt that the affair will last much longer.

Believer,

I think it may have been bypass surgery. Evidently he had a blockage. Is that what they do for it? Sheesh, I asked God to wake him up, not kill him. It sounds pretty serious.

Well, my Dd did say that he won't be able to work for a long time. He won't be the cash cow that OW bargained for, that's for sure. It will be interesting to see if she hangs around now.

I went to my D support group this week and it was strange. There are 4 of us in the group who are victims of an A. The moderators asked us each to tell what went on this week and what our emotions were. I told my story about the heart attack, then one of the other women told the story of how her STBXH called her to keep the kids because he had a stroke (at 29 yrs old). His whole left side is paralyzed. He can't blink the left eye, so his right eye keeps blinking constantly to compensate. He told her that people are making fun of him. She now expects that his OW will drop him. Their D is almost final. Makes you wonder doesn't it???

I give the affair less than a couple of months. It is extremely difficult caring for someone after a heart attack and bypass. It is not so much the physical part, but the emotional. They are usually angry and depressed.

We have had several recoveries here that happened at the last minute, or after divorce when the WS got sick or injured. I can't remember her name, but one BS was divorced and her husband fell off a ladder at work and had brain damage. The OW dropped him like a hot potato and his ex wife invited him home.

So I'm optimistic. Let's see just how stubborn your husband is.

Well, we'll see. I'm sure there will be some depression. He wanted the wild bar scene thingy, being 20 again thingy etc. This had to remind him that he ain't no pup.

My sons's dad was the same way. He was only 38 when he had his first heart attack. And he had been spending lots of time drinking with all his "friends" in the previous months. Also he'd stayed out all night the night before, using crank. It finally caught up to him.

Then all of his friends abandoned him and I was stuck with him.

B-

Yes, my WH's secret second new life included OW, the bar scene, etc. He became close to the bar owner and his GF. The bar owner as he described him was "one helluva friend." I wonder if "one helluva friend" was there with him when he had his surgery.

LOL- the bar scene. My sons' dad was a pipewelder, and going out to the bars after work was almost like a job requirement. He had hundreds of bar friends........... Turned out they weren't worth much where the rubber meets the road. NOT ONE came and visited him in the hospital or after he came home. NOT ONE.

I work in a hospital and have often thought what I'd do if WH was admitted.I definitely would not visit him,only if he asked to see me.
The nursing staff and I have often joked about OP and myself sitting on either side of the bed holding WH's hand!!!
Seriously if my WH carries on the way he is he will either have a breakdown or heart attack!!