Two years ago my wife of 10 years started to withdraw from me emotionally and physically. She was depressed. About that time she started an online affair that lasted several months. They were physical one weekend. Shortly after that, the affair ended. A second online affair picked up shortly after that. It has been going on for about a year and a half and has not turned physical yet. I recently found out about all of this. I confronted her and gave her two options. To try to work on our marriage and end her affair or we divorce. Her initial reaction was to do the right thing because of the kids (3 young ones). She broke up with her affair. That didn't last long as they continue to be in contact and she hasn't recommitted to the marriage.

I am finally accepting that she will most likely never recommit. She has no feelings for me and has given up. I am faced with the task of having the final talk about proceeding with divorce. It is so overwhelming. I have the fear I am hurting the kids and fear of being alone. Fear of the financial turmoil, etc. Any thoughts on how to cope with this? If things continue the way they are we will both end up hating each other and the chance for an amicable divorce will have passed us by.

This sounds so familiar to me. This happened with my friend.

What is she depressed about... Can you give some more info...

What have you done to try to engage her in the relationship?

She claims that she hasn't been happy for a very long time. Her depression is a result of her unhappiness. She blames it on the marriage. She claims she hasn't really loved me for a long time. I have given her space she requested, which she used to have her affairs. We have tried couples counseling but that didn't work since she was in love with someone at the time. I have tried everything I could think of.

My husband started an affair at the end of 2006. I found out in August of 2007. At first he ask me to forgive him then he turned around and kept calling the other woman. He then ask me to divorce him which I did. He told me on the day of the divorce that it was just a piece of paper and meant nothing. That I would always be his wife.
By the time of the divorce he had already moved in with the ow. She has been coming and going ever since then. He has aged ten years in the last few months. He is 57 I am 55. The ow is 50.

I told you all that to say this. I took vows before God and family to love, honor and cherish this man till death do we part.
He now is calling me his ex-wife not his wife. It makes no difference in God's eyes he is my husband "let no man put asunder" Love is not a feeling it is a commitment.

It is up to you if you move on. Either way it is a hard choice to make. I know how bad all this can hurt. I pray for you. Just know she will not be happy in the affairs either. She needs help