I found out about my wife affair 9 days ago. I thought I was going to die. Those of you that this has happened to know what I mean. The affair had all ready ended three weeks prior. When I could come to my senses and stopped crying long enough I would ask her questions at first she was reluctant, but explaining to her that if we planned to get through this that we needed to talk, no holding back. I printed some stuff from the mb site that I thought would help, which she read. She began to open up. I'm kind of regretting some of the things that I asked, which she answered, because they have know be come triggers of bad feelings. I found out generally where the affairs took place and have to drive by there daily. It doesn't feel good. How much information is it advisable to know? I truly believe that my wife is sorry. I love her so much maybe It's clouding my judgment. We have been married 32 years and I think I would know if she was truly sorry or not, however I didn't know she was having an affair. Now here is the something that is not right. I feel pretty good! It's only 9 days and I'm feeling a lot better. Is that normal? I truly believe I did not treat my wife as good as I should for 29 of the 32 years. She endured a certain amount of pain on a regular basis through out our marriage. That had to add up. I'm a real know it all type, always interjecting my opinion and demeaning things That I didn't approve of, always pushing her down never building her up. However that last three years or so I began to get my act together on my own, but it must have been to little to late. You don't undue 30 years of negativity in 3 years. I know there is know way she endured the type of pain that I did upon discovery of the affair, but which is worse A relatively short period of unbearable pain or a life time of hurt and frustration. She has been very receptive to working things out and as loving as she can be at this time. Does she love me, probably not. Does she want to love me I believe so. Please question at will. It feels very odd to feel this good (not great)so soon. Is this a phase? Does the longevity and maturity of a marriage help with the healing? Is it our personalities???? Thanks for a place to vent.

How long was the A? R U certain it is over R they still in contact?

I really do feel your pain and am sorry you R here.

Many long-term marriages here. Mine, going on 28 years.

My only advice for you is to not put too much stock in your feelings right now. You have endured the worst pain of your life and there is likely to be much more pain ahead before things get better.

The message of hope here is that things **can** get better. Stay the course, be strong, and keep true to your values. Give such love to your W as you are able, but do not be a doormat. Never, ever send the message to her that her affair can co-exist with your marriage.

We are here for you.

8 months.
I'm certain the affair is over. I actually called the guy she was involved with. He apologized profusely, he even cried a bit. His wife had done the same to him and he new the pain. I live in a small town and now that I'm aware it would be hard to continue. Plus he is the one that broke it off and my wife even felt rejected. Thanks for your response.