Well things just are strange here.

H has been nicer to me the last couple of weeks than he has been for a year. He's been around more but still doing his own thing.

Last night I got home from town and he was here. He'd rode bike out. And his determination to not drive it drinking didn't last long. He'd been drinking before coming here. I said nothing. He went mushroom hunting with N14. Then back to the house. Came in and sat and visited with us for awhile. But didn't stay more than an hour. Hope he went home and went to bed but who knows.

I got his phone bill today and he is not lying. He told me the morning after the big blow up that he was not going to see her anymore till he figures out what he wants. Or he is done with her. I of course said nothing but didn't believe him for a second. He told me a week ago last Sun. That he hadn't talked to her since. That she called him and left a VM but he never called her back. I just said Don't think for a moment that I believe that she is out of the picture. I know her too well. He just shrugged like he understood but it was true. The bill goes through the 26th and he has not called her since the night of our big fight but once. That was at 4:02 in the morning and was probably a drunken thing and he did not talk to her, it was a 1 min call. Unless she has called him, they have not talked on the phone. Now they could be talking at work or b4 or after. (he goes in at 5pm, she is there till 6pm, then he is off at 5am, she comes in at 6am). By his incoming min. it looks like if she is calling him they aren't talking long (incoming doesn't show a number).

Any way who knows what it all means. We are getting along and that is important. I feel like he is thinking. I am saying NOTHING. As hard as it is I will not ask no questions, I will not say a word. I am doing my own thing and leaving him completely alone to figure it out. It is DAMB hard. I struggle everyday. I want to ask him what he is thinking, what he feels, how he is. What is going on??? But I wont'. I can't. I have to let him be.

And I too know that this very well could be temporary. At any moment of any day. It could all go back to him and her together again. But for now, I pray that God is guiding him.

Don't even know if I should tell this. I know that everyone on all 3 of the boards I go to is going to bring on the 2x4's and scream at me to "get help", "run to the D", "how wrong I was", etc...

I know before you all say anything how wrong I am and that it is over between my H and me. But even after all that has happened I cannot lie and pretend, there is a big part of me that hopes that we have reached our bottom and with time, healing, and some help, there is still a chance for us. Even after all that has happened, I still love the man that is in there somewhere. I still cannot give up on him and us.

I hate the man he is today. I can't believe he did this to me. He has ruined my life. He has destroyed me and our family.

This weekend...

Friday night I went out with my brother and SIL after work. We had a really good time. Towards the end of the night H and his BIL came into the bar. Stayed on the other side. Everyone I was with said he stared at me the whole time. I was playing pool and having fun and didn't even look at him. Afterwards we went to my B's. H left and took his BIL home. I sat at my B's for a couple of hours. Didn't want to stay there cuz he snore's so bad, wanted to go home. So I left. FIRST mistake, I went by H's. He wasn't home. So...I went to OW's. The whole way there I was telling myself, I just needed to know. That I was just going to drive by. Go home. Tomarrow when he showed up tell him he is no longer welcome here. That until he is TRULY done with her. Leave me alone.

Well as soon as I seen his truck all sense of what was right left me. I pulled in and went to the door. Laid on the door bell and called him. No one came. I turned around and kicked the door 2 times and it popped open. I went in. It was dark. Went towards the bedroom and found OW in the hallway. I beat the crap out of her. Told her that I was not kidding the last time. That he is still M to me and she has no right. That I told her last time if she didn't leave him alone until he was D that I was coming after her. I left. H had snuck out the back door and was gone, I never even seen him. I went home and never slept a wink. Kept calling his phone he would not answer.

Sat he came out in the afternoon. We argued. He said he is taking care of it this week. It's over. He is filing. Later that night he calls and asks if the law is there yet. He said she was hurt pretty bad. Went to the hospitol. That the law made her file charges. That I am going to be arrested.

Sun. 8 am the sherriff showed up here. Put me in handcuffs and took me to jail. (I have never even had a ticket). I was booked and charged with not breaking and entering, not assault, but Burglery in the 2nd degree. A class C felony. I am facing up to 10 years in prison and a huge fine.

They released me to a parol officer under his watch without bail. Otherwise I would have had to come up with $1000.

After I called my mom, she went to H's. Laid on her horn until he came out. She said "get your drunken god damn a*s out of that bed and get down there and get her out of jail. Your the one that put her there. It is your fault she is there in the first place!". He hung his head and went back into the house. He called his S and asked if she had talked to me and then came to the farm. When I was realeased I called my mom. She didn't answer. I called SIL and she was at work but said H was at the farm. I called him. Told him I needed a ride and asked if he'd come get me. He did. We said nothing to one another. He was here awhile outside afterwards. Never said a word about anything and left. I called him. I said...
M: Why did you do this to me?
H: Do what?
M: All of it
H: Sorry
M: She is charging me with 2nd Degree Burglery, I could go to prison for up to 10 years.
H: Oh, your not going to prison
M: That is what the fine is. How do you know? You have ruined my life. Why did you do this to me? This is something I will have to carry with me the rest of my life. Why am I having to pay for what you two have done? What did I ever do to you?
He said nothing. I hung up.

This morning he called after work to see how N14 is (she had a 4wheeler accident yesterday but is okay, another long story). We talked about her and then about my crap. He said he was sorry and I told him that means nothing if I have to go to jail. Even if it's only for a year, I asked him if he could imagine me spending a year in jail. He said no. I asked and said alot of things. Like why did she do this? Why not breaking and entering or assault? Why this? What about all that she has done, what about what he has done? I really f*cked up, but all I ever wanted was to keep my family together. Why did they do this to me? He didn't have too much to say.

So holding out for what could have been...standing for my M...waiting for my H's MLC...I let that all destroy my life. I let them turn me into a serious criminal. I let myself be destroyed. I let my family be ruined. I blame OW and H. I hate them for what they have done to me and my girls. But when it comes down to it. I let this all happen. I let them destroy me. And now look at the mess I am in...

Did you take anything from the OW's home?

Did you go there with the intent to take anything?

Sad situation. I strongly advise getting a good lawyer ASAP.

No I didn't take anything I didn't go there with the intent to do anything but get proof that he had lied to me once again.

I told myself on the way there that I was just going to drive by, prove that he was there. Go home. And tomorrow when he showed up that he was not welcome here anymore. That he had lied to me one to many times and I didn't want to see him again. But as soon as I seen his pickup in her drive it's like I lost all my sense.

Why I got charged with Burglery is beyond me...

And how in the heck do you find a GOOD lawyer...I have no idea how to know if they are GOOOD.

YIKES - remind me not to mess with a farm girl!

Not very MB like, but if more people kicked tha OP's you know what, maybe they would think twice.

A couple other ladies here did something similar and ended up with community service. So, please get an attorney, and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Obviously you went temporarily insane.

Next, I urge you to go to Plan B.

Ask around...Lawyers get a reputation if they are really good, especially ones who specialise in drama. He or she will probably wear a giant ring really and fancy shoes. However, despite the appearance, they might be a wonderful person. Many really good lawyers of this type have a persona they portray for their clients. That isn't to say you will find this type of person, but that is just a common stereotype you find who deals well with this sort of problem. Whatever you do,ask everyone about who to get, and you should get a name or two repeated by several people. Good Luck.

You are not a "serious" criminal. Chances are since you have no prior record that you'll be allowed to plead out and do some type of community service or deferred adjudication (which removes it from your record if you behave during probation). You'll probably also get some kind of court-ordered anger management counseling. Try and get a decent attorney though who may be able to get you off completely.

BTW, I wouldn't tell the court that your WH and OW MADE you do this. They will look at that as you being someone not willing to take responsibility for your own actions.

At this point, you really should think about going into a strong Plan B. But you can't just jump into it, there are preparations you need to make.

Hopefully she lives in Texas where these little gaps in judgement are understood.

LOL Believer. It's true. A BS pulls this in Texas, the general consensus would be, "yup, that a@@ needed kickin'".

thank you princess and the rest of you. The opinion and "feel" on this board is so different then the other two. Here you understand better. On the other boards they have me in counceling for anger manangement. In divorce court. And in jail. I know that this should never of happened. That I let them get to me. That it is my own fault I let it go this far.

BUT I grew up a hometown girl with morals and all that but I was also taught that you had to be tough and when someone stepped on your toes you didn't lay down and let it happen. You stood up for your self and kicked their a*s if you had to. All these years I tried to keep that belief in tow and used words only to do that. But a person can only take so much.

I didn't cut her, I didn't shoot her, I didn't endanger her life in any way. I simply kicked her fat a*s for all that she has done to me, to my kids, to the last wife and family she did this to, and even for what she has done to my H. PERIOD!!!! I am not an evil person. I am not mean. I am human, I am tough, but when you hurt me, I am going to fight back.

And I am sorry for how I feel but none of what happened the other night changes how I feel towards my H. I still love him. I still want to be with this man (well not this man today, but the man that I know is still inside there somewhere) when I am old. I pray that this is our bottom and that after we get through this there will be a chance for us still. Right now that looks pretty gloomy. He is being nice and supportive. But I think he is beat down about as far as he can be. He has accepted that enough damage is done and it is over. I don't know how he feels towards her now. I know that he is talking to her. He told me he talked to her yesterday. But this really has put a damper on things for them. It is now out in the clear blue. With the legal stuff it really puts him in a bind between us and he is forking the bill.

And I really don't think right now he doesn't have any feelings for me. But he is human and she is really putting it to the mother of his children and to who was his best friend for over 24 years. Hmmm...that could leave a mark.

The trouble with plan "b" right now...I need his information. I need his money. I need his support. If I go dark with him, I will lose that. SO any advice....

PS, thank you so much for not hammering me and deserting me. Your support is so dear to me and so needed right now.

TOH

Gosh, obviously it would have been better for YOU and your kids to not have done that, but it is understandable. And I would have loved to have done the same, but...

There's nothing you can change now, so you need to look at what to do. Getting a lawyer is one. Excepting responsibilty for your actions is two (courts want to see some kind of remorse). And if I were you, right now I would write down exactly what happened that night, exactly, just like you did here. It'll help you recall feelings and thoughts at the time. I would also gather any and all evidence of their A and put it in a safe place (phone records, emails, etc.).

There's another poster here who got a bit physical with the OW and was arrested. She got community service. Things may work out like that (hopefully) or they may not. But for right now, you NEED to get your legal ducks in a row and expect some backlash. And whatever you do, stay away from OW right now and keep your nose clean. She's probably already gotten a RO. No physical stuff with your WH either. Nothing, nada.

I'm sorry that this happened. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. You've got to stay in control of YOU. If drinking is what basically led to this, stop drinking. From here on out everything you do can be scrutinized by the court. You have to show that you are a good, law abiding citizen, and a FIT mother.

Take a breath...and move forward.

Never in my life have I lost control. I am an adult. I am a good and law abiding person. I drink on occasion but have never had a lapse of memory or not knew what I was doing. I know the difference between right and wrong and I always try to chose the right path. I don't lie. I don't cheat. I don't fight.

But I have never had someone hurt me so badly. I have never had to sit by and watch all that I have ever wanted, dreamed of, and loved more than anything be destroyed. I have never felt so completely helpless. This is how I have felt for over a year now. This is why this happened... I just had had enough. I had no intention of doing any of it that night. I told myself that I was just going to prove to myself that yes he lied again. That it was the final straw. That it is now time to go dark. But I had to have proof. That was my first mistake. The second was going to the door. The rest was so very very wrong of me.

Hang in there. But do get an attorney. You need to protect yourself. And don't count on hubby too much. That would like a run over pedestrian asking for help from the reckless driver who hit him.

Hopefully this will put an end to the affair. I'm sure the OW is LB'ing like crazy right now.

thanks believer,

yea i am definately working on the L thing. Want to get the best to keep me out of jail.

As far as H supporting me, I am banking on nothing!!! But, this morning I said to him " well I really have made a mess of my life" he said "no I did that" I said "no I did what I did the other night on my own, I know what is right and wrong" he said, "no I did that". I let it go and said nothing

Tonight I asked him if he was going to support me through this. He said "well yea, I don't want you to go to jail! I am not worried about her, she will be fine." I just said "well I don't want to go to jail either".

"Hopefully this will put an end to the affair"
I sooo want to believe this, that some how some way even after all that has been done that there is still a chance for us. But right now, it's looking pretty slim.

Any opinions???

Well, the affair will end. They always do. And it may end faster now that hubby sees some consequences.

It would be better if you did a Plan B. I'm concerned for you. It is very hard to continue being disrespected over a long period of time.

I do suggest that you don't go keep checking up on them, especially after drinking. I know how you feel. My ex kept telling me that there was no contact, and like an idiot, I kept catching them together.

I also confronted them in his house. I found them together almost by mistake, and knocked on the door, and his roommate let me end. I went upstairs to his bedroom and knocked on the door, and confronted him.

Luckily, I was calm and then left without any violence.

So you know he is still cheating. Let it alone, and give it some time.

How do I do the plan B now? I don't want to tick him off so that he pulls out on me right now. I need his income and info to get out of this mess I am in. The last thing I want to deal with is D right now too on top of all of it. (I'm prepared for that to happen though)

The law is guiding me now and I CAN"T be checking on them anymore. They are now free to do whatever they want. I am under supervision with Correctional Services until this is settled and with a NC order.

Actually TOH, going dark right now actually may make more sense to your WH. You've been afraid to do it because you need his financial help. And you were afraid that it would look to him like you've given up. But now he can see that is not the case. Through pain comes anger and he saw it first hand.

Your Plan B is for you to remove yourself from the source of the pain. It is destroying you. He saw that. He knows that. He will see it not as a punishment but a salvation.

And it may start to eat him up. The consequences of his A are starting to add up and he will start to feel the pain. THAT is what is going to change his behavior.

Hang in there. Talk to a lawyer about everything. You have no choice now, but to get your ducks in a row.

(((((((TOH))))))))

Let us know how things are going. Keep your head up. You'll get through this.

I like this idea.

Usually before going to Plan B you want to leave your WS with a memorable good impression. Well you got the memorable down pat, that's for sure!

Seriously, especially with the NC legal order, your H may completely understand, and so this could serve as the "leaving him with a memorable impression" bit. Especially if she's LBing him all over.

It might look good for the court also. Especially with a carefully written Plan B letter. Maybe talk it over with your lawyer?

Seriously??? You really think that there is a point to any of this anymore? Do you really think that there is ANY hope whatsoever for my M after ALL that has been done? After all the hurt and time that has passed?

I want to soooo believe you are right, but in my world EVERYONE is angry at me for letting it go this far. For doing such a stupid thing and getting myself in so much trouble. And are all screaming at me to NOW get the D. I have shut my ears to them. I understand, I know they may be right, but none of my feelings or wants, or dreams have changed. I don't think there is anything this man could do to change them.

Since the "incedent" Saturday morning H and I have done alot of "good" talking. He was acting pretty angry until Sunday afternoon I pretty much dumped on him and hung up... Since then he has been sort of supportive but I still have my gaurd up. I don't trust him at all. Anyone who could do what he has done to me over the last year after being M for over 23 yrs is NOT trustworthy. Plus I still have a small feeling that this was all a plot against me to get it all before D me. We have talked about us in a past tense some. Alot of questions have been asked some even answered. Alot of feelings laid on the table. Even words spoken that should have been said along time ago. He still is pretty still and not offering much but at least he listens without getting angry. But mostly it has been about the legal crap I am in now.

Now would be a good time to go dark. For me and for him. BUT. What if he stops his check from going into the bank? What if he finally files for the D? Child support is NOT going to pay my legal fees...I guess...after I typed that I realized...really...they are not his to pay. I did what I did and it is MY problem...they are MY legal fees not his.