I am officially in Plan B. I have set up an intermediary. Wrote my Plan B letter and delivered it. I feel like I'm in control for the first time in a long time. I'm just wondering what I can expect. My husband did not respond to the letter.

I have seen him briefly (from a distance) and he seems to not be able to look at me. (Can't tell if he is mad or ashamed or what???)

To catch you up my husband had an affair I did Plan A and he did return home only to leave again after about 4 months. He seems a little more distant this time. I'm not sure if he's convinced were over since "he tried" or if he is afraid I will talk to the other woman if he tries to cake eat like last time.

He has mentioned divorce (only when he is mad) then when I ask him directly if he will ever come back home he responds I can't right now. Then I repeat are you ever going to come back home..ever and he pauses and says I can't come home right now. What does that mean?

I would imagine if you're having an affair and you're with your soulmate then it should be pretty easy to say I'm never going to come home. When he does say he wants a divorce a few days later he'll foloow up with a "if there was a chance we could work things out we can't now" (that of course being said after he's mad again).

I am really going to be strong for myself and my children. I'm really going to put this behind me and prepare myself for him to not return. I will not take him back without all the conditions being met. I don't think he has the emotional maturity to meet them without feeling resentful. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope so.

I really could use some input from the vets or anyone on what to expect the next few days/weeks/months, hopefully not years!

Ooops....PL, I just saw this post AFTER I posted on your other thread about your Plan B. Sorry about that!

As to what to expect with Plan B? From WH? In Plan B there should be absolutely NO contact with WH until he is ready to meet your conditions. That means not even seeing him or letting him see you if possible. You want to cut off all means of you meeting any emotional needs for him. Sometimes, just seeing or speaking with BS for a moment, revives the WS enough to go back to what they're doing.

During Plan B, you start working on your life without him. One of our long-time vets, Mimi, says that she pretended as if her husband had died. It's that dark.

Can you post your Plan B letter?

Just having him see me meets some of his emotional needs? Why do you think he can't look at me? I know I am to not be concerned by my husband right now. But I just started this and I can't just erase those thoughts. Not yet anyway. I'm sure as time goes by I will think less about him and more about me.

I read in Surviving an Affair that when a wayward spouse ends the affair then returns home that they experience withdrawal and sometimes return to the lover to alleviate those feelins. Then once with the lover for a while experience depression with a vengence. Has anyone experienced this? Does this happen often? My husband returned to his lover and I'm just wondering is it as wonderful as I think it is or could he begin to become depressed again?

I guess it's less painful for me if I think everything isn't a bed of roses for him. I hope he feels guilty again and questions whether he's doing the right thing.