after catching my ex in an affair and going through all the pain and trying to recover which ultimatly became a divorce and shes still with the other guy. i cant seem to get my confidence back.
yeah i have my moments but i cant seem to trust women much these days even if im having a good conversation i will shut it down figuring it will lead to nowwhere.
can anyone give advice on how to shake this its been a while now and cant seem to be comfortable enough to talk to any women for longer then a minute other then my friends

Hey JM,

Looks like we are on about the same timeline. My divorce 1st year anniversary (tomorrow would have been my 27th anniversary) is next month. My XWW, Wayzilla is still in the arms of her lop-side headed, lisping love stallion, Gollum.


Don’t rush into it. There is no hurry. Take your time, find things to do and just let it happen. Get involved in activities you like. Volunteer for something that is interesting for you.

I remember soon after the divorce was final my DD20 and I went to the Denver history museum. After a while of wandering around my DD said, “Dad, have you noticed all the volunteers here are single women about your age?” She was right. I even picked up a brochure on how to volunteer before we left.


Don’t go into it thinking it has to go somewhere. Relax, have fun and just enjoy where you are today. It’s not a race.

Do you interact with your XWW at all or are you in a post D Plan B?

hey thanks for the advice and i hope your doing well!!
i dont talk to the ex at all nomore every 4 months or so an email just to see if shes ok thats it though.
i guess your right with not tryin to hard to push gettin involved right now thanks again

No sweat JM. Just be warned, getting relationship advice from me is like taking navigation training from Captain Smith of the Titanic.

I am doing well and so is my daughter. I recently got the girl's varsity head coach job at a high school near my house so my life is pretty full right now.

I am in a completely dark Plan B for life with my XWW. The divorce has been final for 11-months and I have not spoken to her for 10-1/2 months. I think this is a huge key to self recovery if a person can do it.

I still daydream every day that the hydrogen cells on Wayzilla and Gollum's love blimp ignite killing all the Disney-like blue birds flying about them and the whole ugly mess comes down like the Hindenburg. Ahhhhhhh....smoldering bluebird carcasses.....It takes time to get by that. It truly is wasted energy and sad that they can still take from you. But every day is a little better.

Have fun, take your time, stay occupied, keep looking for areas of self improvement and someday, sooner than you think, great things will happen.