Over many years I have noticed that some women (or girls) won't leave the relationship they are in until they have something else lined up.

I think I have asked about this before but don't remember the answer(s), if any. Anyway, what gives with this deal?

No, everything is fine on the home front here, I am just working on something in my head that refuses to keep still.

Larry

Don't a lot of men do this as well? My FWW has never really convinced me exactly what her relationship with OM was. She once told me it was just about sex as if that would have made me relax and go, oh righty then, no need to worry here.

I think this is something that both sexes do. It gives them a comfortable feeling of having someone to fall back on. You know, so that they won't be alone.

That's my opinion anyway. Take it for what it's worth

This is not a gender specific behavior. Probably has something to do with propogating the species. It's pretty rare that the person ending the relationship is going off to be alone; they are either on the hunt for something new or someone new, or have already found that someone or something.

I don't think it is a male/female issue as much as a self esteem issue. My husband’s former friend always had a girlfriend (or 2). I knew him for over 15 years and he was single for a couple of months once about 10+ years ago. Then on again off again with his now ex-wife (always having a girl lined up just in case) Then he and his wife decided to separate and he was already on dating sites and had his next girlfriend lined up. He would rather be in a relationship that isn’t working than be alone. I think for him it is all about appearance. In his mind a single guy looks pathetic. I think that is pretty warped thinking but that is just me. This guy never grew up and I am so glad DH isn't friends with him anymore.

I have had girlfriends that have stayed in relationships longer than they should have just so they wouldn’t be alone. Then when they realize there may be someone better out there then they jump ship. It’s like they HAVE to have a boyfriend.

Larry, I think we are just wired like that. If I don't have a husband, I feel very, very anxious about getting one lined up. This has always puzzled me because I am extremely independent [to a fault],self sufficient, and very self confident. My instincts are screaming that I need a man to take care of me if I am alone. ridiculous!

That, and I feel very LONESOME without a husband. It really is a terrible, terrible feeling charged with mega anxiety.

I have always RESENTED that instinct because I am fully capable of taking care of myself and have never consciously thought "I need a man to survive." I have made a good living most of my adult life so its not like I have ever needed someone to support me. I also have a bigass pistol and am a good shot, and can protect myself.

That being said, I know women who have trained that instinct into extinction and do just fine on their own.

Well, for me back in my singles days there were a few relationships that weren't working so I ended them. I did eventually date someone else but I usually took some "me" time. The last time I took "me" time DH entered my life. I REALLY wasn't looking for someone but I am so glad he found me!

Larry, I agree it is not necessarily gender specific but maybe more common in women. I want to share something my FWH said to me after 5 months into NC with OW#2. It was a 3 year long A and his second A in a 6 year period. He said "I learned it is never right to leave the relationship you are in for someone else".

That was a huuuuuuuuuge leap for him (and for my healing).

i ended my marriage and didn't have someone else lined up. i have never had a problem not being in a relationship. i have no issue being "alone". i haven't dated anyone since exbf and i ended last summer. and i am fine with that. i chose not to i guess. i wasn't out there actively looking. and when i am not actively looking is when someone usually pops up.

my ex otoh, i don't think he can be alone. when i met him he had just broken up with someone. not much time alone. then all of his ow. then, when he swore to me he was not in communication with ow any longer, and we were planning to separate he told me he wanted his own place, lots of alone time, and no crazy women in his life. what did he do? moved in with ow!

i feel bad for those who HAVE to be in relationships. i enjoy my time when it is just me and my kids. i mean, i enjoy male companionship as well, but it is not the death of me if i don't have it.

mlhb

AMEN! Of course, I want my WH home, but I'm not going to go look for someone to take his place just because I am lonely. I think too many people are afraid to be alone.

Larry, it's not the 'alone' part that gets to me. It's the 'lonely' part.

Hokay, thanks folks. I guess it isn't necessarily gender but I suspect that gender has an impact on why in some areas and not in others.

So it is fear; fear of being alone, fear of coping, fear of finances, fear of social stigmata, fear of maybe making a mistake. Yea, I get that.

With some males, I suspect it is an ego thing; they need a female around to "Take care of them." I think that mamas need to do a better job of pushing their male offspring into growing up. But that is a whole nuther post for another day.

I do remember the feminazi t-shirt that said "Women need a man like fish need a bicycle." The last I saw of the lady who wore that t-shirt was her backside as she left chasing some guy she knew out to El Paso. Never did find out if she caught him or not.

I appreciate everyone helping me understand the concept. My door doesn't swing that way, so I had a hard time understanding.

Larry