Hello I am not new to MB. I have been here sience sept of 07. I have tried alot of the MB principles but nothing seemed to help my husband in ultimatly wanting a divorce. He had a office affair that lasted almost a year. The affair was over in Jan 07 and the healing was to start. I will admitt I had a hard time accepting the affair. We have been married 17 years. I felt that after the affair my husband did not love me the same as he did before. He did not do much to help me in the healing process except for the fact he was with me not her.

We went to counceling together twice and then he bailed on me.He has sience moved out its been 3 weeks. I know he has not seen the ow but my fear is there has been contact on the phone. She lives out of state. He says the reason we need to divorce is because I will never get over what he did. I do agree its hard to get past I just needed him to help me. The councelor said he was very depressed about what he did and has great guilt. He has said to me though he hasnt been happy for awhile and he just dont feel it in his heart. He has of yet not filed for divorce but I know it will be just any day. I do not contact him unless it pertains to bills or our daughter. Any advice on how to let go of someone you love so much? I wish I could hate him but I just cant right now. I feel like a loser for loving him so much.

I don't have much to say except that I don't think you should be so hard on yourself for loving him. You've shared a life together, had children, etc. You're bound to have a bond there, and it isn't like a light switch that you can just turn off.

I do think it would be nice if he could see surmounting this as a way of strengthening your marriage.

Did you eliminate all his love busters and fulfill his emotional needs? Did you spend up to 15 hours together afterwards? Those things are important. Radical honesty - another one. Was there a no contact letter to this woman, and was it ever officially broken off?

Thanks for posting to me! I did do the no love busting and we did spend time together. His heart was just never there after the affair. He says that he hasnt been happy for about 4 years I know that is a WS speach but I think it must be true for him because he still wants a divorce.My heart is breaking but what can you do?