Since there's no chance of convincing my wife of the both of us seeing a financial advisor, I'm wondering if any of you have any advice on this...

What is consider the "norm" for a family budget in a 2-income household? (one's income is a little higher)

Is it splitting expenses 50-50 and each keeping whats left to ourself for disposable income?

Is it figuring our what % of our total expenses is compared to our total income, and then applying it that way ?
IE: person A makes 3000/month, person B makes 2000/month
total expenses for the month = 2500 or 50%
so person A would pay 1500 into expenses, and person b pays 1000?

or is it more common to pay all expenses, and split the rest of both incomes 50-50?

keep in mind, joint accounts is not an option.

thanks!

Why isn't a joint account an option? Dr Harley recommends a joint account.

My wife will not agree to joint accounts. I'm not going to get into her reasons because they are illogical.

come to think of it, considering the fact that she has a major spending and gambling problem, I'm not entirely sure I want her to have access to both, but it doesnt really matter.

if she agreed i would do the joint accounts, but she wont.

I can understand why she would want to have separate accounts then, she does not want to be accountable. Having separate accounts allows her to engage in independent behavior without you seeing what she is doing. The solution to that is to have a joint account.

I think you have a bigger problem here than just how to divide up bills.

Dr. Harley had some strong things to say about separate accounts when I went to a MB weekend last year, but I conveniently didn't hear them. I need to ask MrsW if she remembers.

Very true.

One thing about joint accounts is, even is she agreed to get joint accounts, I can forsee more problems.
Granted, she would not be able to engage in independent behaviour (unless she gets more credit cards)...

but, her way of thinking with money is really odd.
She feels, for example, if there is $1,000 disposable income between the both of us, she should be able to spend whatever she wants.
I like to save, she does not.
I would like to have a savings account for vacation/travel planning, whereas she would rather just get a credit card or loan to do such a trip when we need it.

at any rate, at this point id be satisfied with a firm budget and see where that goes.

she has agreed to get rid of her credit cards, and have a joint account there, so thats good. She would simply be a second card holder on my credit card account.

either way, whihch of the budgets that i described is typical in a 2 income family?

I am leaning towards the one where we figure out the % of expenses versus total income, and then each paying that percentage IE: if our expenses are 50%, we each pay 50% of our income to expenses.

I can't say what the norm is, but if two people are partners, then there should be an equal amount of "disposable" income.

First, you fill your marital security basket (agreed upon amount of $ for regular emergencies that crop up) then your retirement basket (IMO, it shouldn't be looked at as mine or yours, but ours), THEN what ever is left after the costs of keeping a household should be split evenly and spent as desired.

If ever there was a topic for POJA, this is it.

langaan, what I would suggest is having one account with both your checks auto deposited. Then one of you pays the bills. Keep only one joint CC and come to an agreement about how much you can charge. [we don't charge anything and I think that is the ideal] Otherwise use a debit card. Make a budget based on that and from that point, develop a spending limit per person.

A key factor here will be an agreement about the use of credit and saving money. Her habit of charging trips, etc, is not a healthy financial practice. So this is something I would definitely address and POJA with her. It is in both your best interest to set aside money every month for savings and investment.

This is an EXCELLENT opportunity for you both to BENEFIT from each others spending practices. With your help she can learn responsible financial practices. She will appreciate the financial security you can bring to the table.

Try signing up at daveramsey.com and using their budgeting tools.

Do NOT give her access to your accounts if she's still gambling.

One thing you need to do is take money from both of your accounts to create at least 3 months' worth of savings in case of an emergency. Do not discuss anything else until that money is saved and accessible only by two signatures. Insist on it.

My FWH and I did the Dave Ramsey program for almost three years. As of 01/08, we have no debt except our house, an emergency fund of $10,000 and are putting 20% of our income into retirement. We also are recovering from his A. It is a good plan and it works but do not neglect your marriage to accomplish it. All work and no play can cause FWH to seek attention at work. It was a lesson well learned.

Start with his book The Total Money Makeover. It opened the eyes of my free spending FWH. He will also advise that seperate money in a marriage leads to seperate lives and we all know what that leads to.

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