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#2054244 05/08/08 09:45 AM
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My FWW's PMS has been getting worse and worse. Now, for about 10 days out of every month, things are becoming unbearable. Yesterday she told me I was a worse husband now than when she began her A. She's upset that we don't have the money to get her what she wanted for Mother's Day...I only got 10 hours of overtime, so I didn't give a [censored] about her.

I have to give the dentist $200 for a crown, because a tooth of mine is broken in half, and I've already put it off for 2 months. I offered to put it off longer, and was "warned" not to. Her exact words were, "Don't you dare".

We are a single income household. Things are tight right now, but we've been in much worse situations. I know she's PMSing. It's obvious. Of course she won't admit it until it's over, and if I even hint that part of her problem is hormone-related, I'm "belittling her feelings" or I'm "Telling her what she thinks doesn't matter".

I need some advice, pointers, whatever. She's acting like the despicable cheater that she was. Every time she has PMS, she always gets hopeless and angry...the topic of divorcing me comes up at least once every time.

I can't take this.


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Krazy71 #2054252 05/08/08 09:51 AM
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I'm trying to remember..do you and your wife have children?

keepitreal #2054257 05/08/08 09:57 AM
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Sounds like she may benefit from talking to her GYN about severe PMS. They have meds out now that do help.
Would she be open to discussing this? POST PMS - so you don't get your head handed to you! wink


Me (RBW) 6w5 DFW (RWH) 3w2 Established 1/93 Rebuilding since 9/03
keepitreal #2054264 05/08/08 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by keepitreal
I'm trying to remember..do you and your wife have children?

Yes...a 7 y.o. boy, and a 14 month old girl.

It's gotten much worse since our daughter was born.

Last edited by Krazy71; 05/08/08 10:04 AM.

Divorced
Krazy71 #2054289 05/08/08 10:37 AM
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Well, Krazy, this is her problem and only she can handle it. It is HER RESPONSIBILITY as a wife and mother- as a WOMAN- to handle her female issues. You should not have to be subjected to this kind of treatment when there are plenty of meds out there now to help her. There is NO excuse, really, especially if she has recognized that it is PMS related. And, you know, it actually may NOT be...but SHE must go to the doctor and have tests run and try to FIX the problem as best she can.

This would be a boundary for me. At some point, though, you have to stop saying "Well, I am not going to put up with x,y,z BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!" (meaning-the A, of course) Every marriage has problems, so eventually, it has to be "You need to do this for your health and for your relationship with your children and me...because you love us!" Maybe if you take THAT approach, she will be more receptive. But NOONE deserves to go through this every month just because she has failed to DO something about a physical problem. Especially one where there is treatment.


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
Resonance #2054310 05/08/08 11:18 AM
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Krazy,

If you are having issues paying $200 for your crown, are you able to pay for the medications and Gyn visit for your wife for PMS issues?

Are there other stressors going on, too? Does your wife have ANY legitimate complaints?

I will have to say that if I had a real reason to be PO'd and expressed it to my hubbie and he told me it was just PMS - well, I would feel very disregarded and disrespected by my H.

Frankly Krazy, you've been having a tough time lately and it has been showing up in your postings here. If I told you I thought YOU were PMSing, wouldn't you (rightfully) tell me that was a DJ, I had no idea what stress was going on in your life, and that yes, you had something real to be upset about?

Okay, so would it be so hard to POJA a Mother's Day idea for your W?


Me = FBS age 51
FWH = age 51
M 25 years, 2 children 16 and 20
D-Day 5/19/05
Recovered and happy
Krazy71 #2054323 05/08/08 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Krazy71
I have to give the dentist $200 for a crown, because a tooth of mine is broken in half, and I've already put it off for 2 months. I offered to put it off longer, and was "warned" not to. Her exact words were, "Don't you dare".

Is this a noticable, visible tooth?

For me, when I am psycho, it brings me down considerably when my H says "I am sure sorry you feel so bad, is there anything I can do for you?" And then DO NOT REACT to her bitchiness. IGNORE HER. If you get mad or act fearful [which, unfortunately many guys DO] it will just escalate things.

And whatever you do, don't mention PMS! When I am PMS, it enrages me to be dismissed as PMS.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2054326 05/08/08 11:36 AM
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oooooo-AGREED. I was operating from the assumption that SHE is addressing this as a PMS issue, not HIM. blush

Whew, Krazy--ML is right...you NEVAH want to ASSUME her moods are due to PMS!! That is a major DJ!!

Resonance #2054333 05/08/08 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Resonance
Whew, Krazy--ML is right...you NEVAH want to ASSUME her moods are due to PMS!! That is a major DJ!!

yep, talking TRUTH TO CRAZY can have disasterous consequences when there is PMS involved! laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Krazy71 #2054334 05/08/08 11:44 AM
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It's gotten much worse since our daughter was born.

Krazy...

Okay, with such a recent birth, there could be lots of things at play here...Once this particular PMS episode is over, I would recommend that she go immediately to her OB/GYN, talk with them and have a series of tests run...It could be a multitude of things...her hormones could be off balance, her thyroid could be wacky, or she may even have Post-Partum Depression (women can develop PPD up to two years after giving birth)...If you can swing it, even offer to accompany her on this visit...

Does she apologize to you and acknowledge her bad behavior after PMS is over?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

MelodyLane #2054337 05/08/08 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
yep, talking TRUTH TO CRAZY can have disasterous consequences when there is PMS involved! laugh

LOL! Hey anytime that Mr. W has tried being logical and pointing out that I have PMS during any upset it backfires on him BIGTIME, as I make sure that I continue to be mad at him for whatever his GRAVE TRANSGRESSION was at the time, for at least a month afterwards, just to PROVE that it wasn't PMS, dammit!!! grin grin grin Now that takes a real special kinda witchiness, huh? I'm real talented like that! laugh

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

Krazy71 #2054339 05/08/08 11:56 AM
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Krazy,

I've followed you since you showed up at MB. Originally, I have to admit was largely because of just HOW BAD of a situation it was that brought you here ... kind of like a bad car wreck that you just can't look away from. I knew the problems I was having dealing with MUCH LESS than you are, and just couldn't understand how anyone could put up with what you have endured and witnessed. I truly felt sorry for you, and that's not an emotion that I express often.

As time has passed, that "pity" turned into true admiration. As a fellow BH, I admire how strong you've been to support your WW, while still being true to yourself. You have NEVER shrunk from your goal of recovering a truly successful M, as we see many BH's do in the face of a unremourseful WW. You have also done the near impossible of keeping up the fight largely "for your kids", without compromising YOUR values.

However, I can sense that you're nearing "throwing in the towel" ... you are a GOOD MAN and no one deserves to be treated as you have been. I have no advice ... just support and empathy. Your knowledge and instincts have served you well, and I'm confident that you will know when you have given your last and the time is right to move on with your life.

You sir, have EARNED my RESPECT, and that is something that very few BH's here have done. Hold your head up, you have every right to be PROUD of YOURSELF!!!


MrsWondering #2054351 05/08/08 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by MrsWondering
it backfires on him BIGTIME, as I make sure that I continue to be mad at him for whatever his GRAVE TRANSGRESSION was at the time, for at least a month afterwards, just to PROVE that it wasn't PMS, dammit!!!


SO TRUE!!! LOL! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2054479 05/08/08 05:08 PM
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Squid's PMS is LIKE armageddon too.

[CONTROVERSIAL MODE] I never understood why women get away with treating men, and pretty much every innocent bystander in their life like absolute crap for two weeks per month usually without an apology.

When I am stressed or feel like crap I stay away from people so they don't need to have me snap at them. Can't women do that ?
[/CONTROVERSIAL MODE}



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Bob_Pure #2054483 05/08/08 05:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Bob_Pure
Squid's PMS is LIKE armageddon too.

[CONTROVERSIAL MODE] I never understood why women get away with treating men, and pretty much every innocent bystander in their life like absolute crap for two weeks per month usually without an apology.

When I am stressed or feel like crap I stay away from people so they don't need to have me snap at them. Can't women do that ?
[/CONTROVERSIAL MODE}

Some of us feel entitled to be little b*tches, I am afraid. I do feel bad when it happens, but I do apologize and take pro-active steps to prevent it.

But, you are right, if men acted like that, they would be accused of being "verbally abusive." Women can be very cruel and very abusive.

I dont' understand why women get away with it either. Maybe because they CAN? Women wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior from men, I assure you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2054509 05/08/08 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
yep, talking TRUTH TO CRAZY can have disasterous consequences when there is PMS involved! laugh

Especially Texan chicks with GUNS

LOL


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Bob_Pure #2054544 05/08/08 07:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Bob_Pure
Squid's PMS is LIKE armageddon too.

[CONTROVERSIAL MODE] I never understood why women get away with treating men, and pretty much every innocent bystander in their life like absolute crap for two weeks per month usually without an apology.

When I am stressed or feel like crap I stay away from people so they don't need to have me snap at them. Can't women do that ?
[/CONTROVERSIAL MODE}

ROFLMAO

Bob - how old is your daughter? .... *snickering behind my hand*

Pep

bigkahuna #2054546 05/08/08 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by bigkahuna
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
yep, talking TRUTH TO CRAZY can have disasterous consequences when there is PMS involved! laugh

Especially Texan chicks with GUNS

LOL

and don't you ferget it, MrForeigner!! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2054599 05/08/08 11:03 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by bigkahuna
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
yep, talking TRUTH TO CRAZY can have disasterous consequences when there is PMS involved! laugh

Especially Texan chicks with GUNS

LOL

and don't you ferget it, MrForeigner!! grin

Careful he doesn't take your Aqua-Net away! grin

In other news, I'll be coming home by the end of next year. We'll be moving to the DFW area to be close to my family. That and what they call barbeque out here is really strange...it's all fulla mustard!?!?! It's good but it AIN'T barbeque...


Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
bitbucket #2054602 05/08/08 11:44 PM
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Not sure where I found this.....

Quote
13 Things PMS Stands For:


1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favourite one:
13. Potential Murder Suspect


And remember: Money talks but Chocolate SINGS !!!


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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